


November 14th

by lovelybones



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alpha Males, Angst and Humor, BAMF Stiles Stilinski, Emotionally Constipated Derek Hale, Jealousy, Kissing, Love, M/M, Original Character(s), Possessive Derek, Sarcasm, Scent Marking, Seduction, Sexual Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Violence, Werewolf Sex, Werewolf Stiles Stilinski, were!stiles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-28
Updated: 2013-03-28
Packaged: 2017-11-15 05:18:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 53,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/523583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelybones/pseuds/lovelybones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was November 14th. Stiles would never forget that date. Even if he wished he could erase it from his memory. It was there. It will always be there. Permanent like a tattoo. Branded to the back of his mind like some sort of due date.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. How it all began

It was November 14th. Stiles would never forget that date. Even if he wished he could erase it from his memory. It was there. It will always be there. Permanent like a tattoo. Branded to the back of his mind like some sort of due date.

***

It was that time of year between Veterans Day and Thanks Giving. When you just wish the holidays would just come already, so you could take a break from all the studying being done and just stuff your face with as much pumpkin pie and gravy as you possibly can.  
The streets piled with crusty golden brown leaves, the grass covered with hints of morning dew, the sun not as illuminating from behind the dark grey clouds and the smell of rustic dried leaves and cinnamon combined blew thick in an almost refreshing breeze.  
Stiles remembers it so clearly just like it was yesterday.

Maybe its just one of the perks of being a werewolf? You’re memory improves drastically? Or maybe its just the memories you want to hold on to like a life vest because you know that those memories are going to be something that will help you get through whatever shithole you’re about to pass -your anchor.  
Stiles would like to think it’s the first but he learned to stop lying to himself a long time ago. Its one of the many promises he’s made to himself since his mother’s death. It’s sad to say but ever since the turn he’s learned that no matter how much you wish you could, you can’t always keep your promise. No matter how much you deeply hoped you could.

***  
 **November 14th 2012**

Stiles heard this annoying buzzing sound in his ear and GOD will it ever stop. Too soon he realized the irritating hum was his cell phone.  
“Crappppp…” Stiles exhaled loudly, in a raspy sleepy voice that wasn't his own, remembering he was supposed to be meeting the pack at Derek’s at five so they could go over some new defense strategies.  
Stiles grabbed his phone, scrunching his eyes slightly, before he turned on his phone screen. 5 missed calls from Scott and 3 from Isaac, 2 unread messages from Erica and an unread message from Derek.  
Stiles took a deep breath before clicking the open message button on his phone reading what he assumed to be a furious text from Derek.

From Derek: 6:12  
Where.The.Hell.Are.YOU?

Yeah...And that was enough for Stiles to know that he was Fucked. Big Time.  
He threw on the nearest pair of jeans he could find on his bedroom floor and grabbed his favorite, and he must add ironic, red hoodie before running down the stairs, taking two at a time, and heading straight threw the door. He grabbed the car keys he keeps stashed in the back pocket of his jeans and locked the house door behind him.

Not really caring too much about the fact that he was crossing the speed limit, I mean really? Who in their right mind would stop the sheriff’s son and give them a speeding ticket? He was late. And he’s been around a pack of werewolves long enough to know how they can get. All worried and tense thinking that something must have happened to their pathetic human. God forbid Stiles actually had a life which did not revolve around the packs needs.

When he finally reached the slippery dirt road which separated the forest from actual civilization he felt his heart begin to calm down. He would like to say dropped back to normal BUT this is Stiles we’re talking about… ADD is no where near normal… and if he could maybe sit still for more than 5 minutes then he would appreciate that so so very much.

Finally he began to see the outline of the old and burnt down Hale house. In no way possible was that thought assuring. The reason? Stiles knows that the second his jeep rolled its first wheel onto the old and muddy dirt road Derek, and as a matter of fact, the whole pack would hear him approach.

Stiles didn't even have time to lock his car before he heard what was supposed to be Derek’s front door slam open. And boy oh boy was he right. That face. God that face. Why and HOW the fuck did Stiles manage to find it attractive even in the worst possible times? It’s like his mind is telling him you are about to endure hell and probably a lot of physical pain while his body is telling him that he needs to get on that. Like yesterday.  
Sure Stiles was expecting Mr. Alpha Sourwolf to be cranky. But no way in hell was he expecting what was about to come next.

Derek practically launched himself at Stiles, resulting in Stiles stumbling back a few steps and Derek looking his more broody and creeper self than usual. And seriously? Pathetic human here knows he’s pathetic… no need to prove that he is in fact the little skinny and useless human who has no muscle capacity what-so-ever.

“Leave”. That’s all he got out of Derek. And fuck that hurt.

“Are you shitting me?” did he just say that out loud? Oh fuck! Oh fuck! Stiles noo! Take it backkkkk! What have you done?!

But Dereks eyes were already bloody red,  
“I give you one simple task. Get here on time. And you can’t even get that right.”

OK and seriously? Where in fucking hell did that come from? Ok yes maybe he was an hour and a half late.. A little more than an hour and a half but still.. He came right? And it’s actually the first time that this happened…kinda… So why all the Stiles hate all of a sudden?  
“Seriously Derek man listen... (wtf!!!!! MAN!?! Stiles! Do you have a death wish or something... looking back he will blame it all on panic and not enough blood reaching his brain in time due to the freaking Alpha wolf whose finger nails suddenly looked way too long to be human).. I know I was late but I just fe-“

“Don’t” Derek said in a low growl, “I am done with your excuses, just leave”.

Stiles heard a small whine coming from inside the house and he couldn't figure out if it was Scott or Isaac. But giving thought to some resent circumstances which were Scott basically being the worst best friend that ever excised on this earth, scratch that, on this planet! He doubted he would suddenly care for the safety of his former, and soon to be dead, best friend.

OK Stiles relax... Breathe... Swallow that lump in your throat and talk. Say something already! TALK!  
And then it all came out, no filter... None... Cause this is Stiles Stilinski we’re talking about.

“Derek I was late. It was the first time this happened (kinda)! OK?! I’m sorry if I hurt your big Alpha feelings and if I made you feel, as if in a way which was totally not intended, like I was challenging your authority by not arriving on time. Seriously I am human. I make mistakes. I am soooo fucking sorry I can’t be perfect like you and your werewolf posse. God! But I am part of your pack and this is a pack meeting. So let me come inside and we can forget this ever happened.” God that felt good. That felt so good. Only Stiles wished it would have sounded less like an insulting and teasing rant and more like a plead, whoops…

Stiles looked at Dereks face and his facial expression hasn’t changed a bit. His lips pressed into a thin scowl that Stiles learned, over the years, actually had different meanings. However the only thing Derek replied with was:

“You are not part of the pack. You are human (weak Stiles thought), and never, as an alpha would I accept someone like you into my pack and take you as part of my responsibility”.

And wow. That was... That was harsh. Because really? Derek might be a pretty face. Actually maybe more like amazing, most hot thing that walked the planet face... But no way was he stupid. Between the way Stiles sometimes sees Derek looking at him and the super smelling sense werewolves have which sense arousal ahem ahem, there’s no way in hell Derek hasn't figured out that Stiles is a little bit more fond of him than he should be. The fact that he knows and still chose to use those words against Stiles Hurts.Like.Fuck.

Stiles tried to control his breathing. He felt that sting in his eyes and that sudden punch of heat in his upper chest area. But no way was he letting Derek do this to him. No way was he giving him the satisfaction of seeing him break down like the weak human he thinks he is and have a panic attack.  
Why is he even here?! How could he be so stupid, to think for a second that he actually belonged with a pack of werewolves run by some emotionally constipated sourwolf. Of course he was only needed for the one thing he was good at – his researching skills.  
And just like that, all the pain and hurt Stiles felt within him turned to something different, something he hasn’t felt since his mothers death, that quick and finale tick in his brain and that was it, he knew that feeling of losing control - he felt rage.

Never in his right mind, looking back to this day, would he use his whit and clever mouth to do what he did next – hurt Derek the way he only knew how.

“You think you are so special don’t you Derek? Why is that? Is it because not only are you a werewolf with heightened abilities but also the Alpha of your pack? The strongest, fastest, most in control? WELL YOU WEREN'T EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE THE ALPHA! YOUR DEAD SISTER WAS!”

And the word vomit just continued, because Stiles had enough, he felt used. Everything that was once his was taken away from him. And it wasn't all Derek’s fault, honestly it wasn't. But he was the one person, who finally pushed him off the edge, and Stiles wasn't ready to let him down easy, nope, he was going to take him down with him.

The saddest part of it all was that hurting Derek actually made him feel strong. For once he had the upper hand. So he let himself stare into the Alphas burning red eyes, not flinching once, as he continued, not allowing himself to try and read the expression on Dereks face. This time his tone was much more controlled but still burning with anger.

“You actually think that I would want to be part of your pathetic group you even dare to call a pack? Your pack is made up of a bunch of teenagers for God’s sake... Do you think I would be so fucking stupid to actually want to be a part of that? But honestly the worst part of it all is that you would think that I would actually accept YOU as my Alpha, someone I could trust. You and your stupid werewolf bite have taken literally EVERYTHING away from me.  
My life, my best friend, MY FUCKING SANITY! You DEREK YOU!! So if for one second, you actually thought that I was foolish enough to be so fucking grateful for being accepted into your little “pack” and then you try to hurt me by taking that away from me... Then I guess your blood line doesn't lie. You were never meant to be Alpha.”

By the time he was done he was breathing heavy and hard. He hadn't noticed it but Scott, Erica, Isacc, Jackson and even Allison were all standing on the front porch watching him with pain and shock in their eyes. And that is when Stiles allowed himself to look at Dereks face, while his normal aqua green eyes faded back to normal, and read whatever stupid expression he was wearing.  
That’s when Stiles realized the words he had told Derek and their capacity. Because for the first time in Stiles’s life he saw something he had never seen in Derek Hale – vulnerability and pain. He wanted to hurt Derek, but as it turned out he had done much worse.  
But Stiles was already too caught up in the moment, and hot tears began to stream down his face. So when Derek almost but whined:  
“Stiles –“  
and raised his hand to something that looked like a gesture that was meant to wipe away his tears, Stiles told him:  
“Don’t. Because I -  
I am so fucking done with YOU. All of you.”

Stiles got in his car and listened as his cars engine roared to life. Clearing whatever agonizing thoughts his torturous mind kept bringing up. He turned his car and drove off to the dirt road, not being as careful as he should have, he didn't make it far though before it happened. What changed it all.

One minute Stiles was making a turn towards the old hallow tree, which was one of the few signals Stiles mentally remembered in his head as a “the right way back to civilization”, and the next minute he felt an extremely painful something smash into his skull. Then he passed out.

When he finally opened his eyes he felt a warm hand around his wrists. But he couldn't ignore the throbbing he felt from his head, and though his vision was not completely clear, it was difficult to miss the huge puddle of blood and strong iron metallic scent he was surrounded by.  
He heard a deep pained voice call his name “STILES! STILES! CAN YOU HEAR ME?”  
It was Derek. Derek was there, so maybe he will be ok…  
All his hopes were lost when he heard Scott yell: “DO IT DEREK! GIVE HIM THE BITE”.  
And that’s when he felt the insertion of teeth, ripping his flesh, into what he thought was his hip and then came the burning sensation. He decided that that was probably a good time to pass out again.

***  
Stiles woke up feeling light headed as ever. He looked around and realized he was in a small, wooden room which had an old rustic sink with a foggy mirror that hung above it, a dusty old warn green couch, a surprisingly comfortable bed, and a small scratched up window from which small strands of light peeked threw. There were no pictures on the walls and too soon he realized he must be in the old Hale House.

Then it all came back to Stiles and he remembered what had happened to him. He remembered the crash. Him hitting his head and feeling horrible pain, and then waking up to the pool of blood and that horrible stench.  
But that was really weird… because for some reason he couldn't feel any pain at all, on the contrary he felt better than he has probably felt in a long time.  
And that’s when it all sank it…  
And oh God No… he remembered… he remembered someone biting him… That someone specifically being Derek McSourwolf Hale.

On instinct Stiles got up from the bed and ran towards the foggy mirror above the sink. He whipped the thin layer of dust that had been covering the mirror to reveal his reflection. He then looked at the reflection in front of him and that’s when he saw it. What used to be his golden honey brown eyes have bled into a color almost mystical and unreal. But they were nothing like Scott’s or Jacksons or even Derek’s. His eyes weren't red like the Alphas, or bright blue like Jacksons, not even that neon orange which Scott and the other beta’s have.

That’s when he heard the door slam open, and in front of him was no other than of course Alpha Mcbrooder being his typical stalkerish self.  
But the look on Dereks face was one that Stiles has never seen before. It wasn't a look of relief, but one that expressed surprise and almost fear. Surprise from something that Derek didn't recognize, something he didn't know, and fear from God knows what…

So that's why when Stiles finally remembered the reason God has created man with a mouth he says the first thing that comes to his mind:  
“Mind telling me why the fuck my eyes are glowing silver?”


	2. Fight For Submission

**November 18th 2012**

Stiles looked at Derek with anticipation. Getting sidetracked a little by this tingling sensation that’s been bothering him. This sweet musky sent that’s been haunting him ever since he woke up. It consisted of a mixture of much less dominant scents like morning dew, sweet sweat, and dried leaves, combined with a cool winter breeze that carries shivers down you’re spine. But most dominant from all those scents combined, was the scent of burnt wood with hints of maple which lingered around the small room and drove Stiles absolutely mad.

Stiles abruptly remembered that Derek was standing in front of him and that he needed to look like he was running out of patience, while waiting for Derek to answer his question.  
And yet even after all he’s done to Stiles, Stiles still manages to find him incredibly attractive.  
Yet something is different now. He can actually stare into Derek’s eyes without feeling the need to look away. They’re no longer piercing into his soul; they just seem to be looking at him – at Stiles.

“Well..?” Stiles said a little bit annoyed. Yes, Derek was a man of few words but he was just gaping at Stiles. To be honest he looked petrified.

Stiles being Stiles, couldn't help but feel something must be wrong, which is the only explanation to why Derek hasn't been answering him, so werewolf or not, he did what he knows best. He panicked:  
“OH MY GOD!! Did the bite not work? Is that it? Is that why you’re not saying anything? Is my body rejecting it? Am I going to die? Oh God please tell me I’m not going to turn into a giant lizard!”

But Derek said nothing. He just kept looking at Stiles, observing him, like he was some kind of piece at an art museum which Derek could just not figure out.

He already felt anger rising to the surface, which only made him feel stronger than he had before. The voice that was now coming out of his own mouth sounded nothing like his own. It was more superior and confident, almost Alpha like:  
“DEREK SAY SOMETHING!” he commanded.

“Stiles I-“  
Derek said, his voice cracking just a little. Derek looked wrecked. Like he hadn’t slept for days, which was probably the amount of time Stiles had been out for.

“I don’t know” ‘he replied while shaking his head in confusion, “I honestly don’t know”.

What the HELL!?! What the actual HELL?? Stiles thought.

“What do you mean you don’t know? You’re the Alpha! You’re a Hale! You’re a born wolf! You’re supposed to know about all these things!” So yes, Stiles definitely was panicking a little bit… OK maybe a lot… but can you blame him?

“Stiles you need to calm down…”

“Don’t tell me what to do! Last time I checked you were the world’s biggest asshole, telling me that I was basically some worthless piece of shit which didn’t deserve to be in your pack. So don’t go all calm Alpha on me now. Just answer my question Derek. For once do what you’re supposed to do.”  
He felt the bitterness in his words. But he didn't regret them for a minute. Derek hurt him and he was not going to let it go so easily.

Derek spoke soothingly after that. Derek Hale soothing? What was happening to this world?

“Stiles listen to me. You need to stay calm and listen. You are a new werewolf. You’re not in full control right now and the full moon is near. I don’t want to get you angry so please just listen to me. Go sit back down on the bed and we’ll try to figure this out.”

Derek almost didn't get to finish his “words of wisdom” before Scott, Isaac, and Jackson all but tumbled through the door and into the small, and now crowded room. Stiles heard Scott release a sigh of relief while Isaac let out a small whine. They both looked wrecked. But neither of them dared approach him.  
While he did feel some comfort in having both boys there, he couldn't say the same for Jackson. Jackson just stood up, completely ignoring him, while he tried to fix his posture, moved next to Derek causing a soft colliding movement against Derek’s shoulder.

Stiles couldn't help the snarl that escaped his throat involuntarily. The wolf inside him was telling him that Jackson was threatening something that belonged to him. But how could that be? Derek belonging to Stiles? He’s an Alpha. The Alpha of a pack belongs to no one. They all belong to him.

All four werewolves turned to look at Stiles while Stiles couldn't help but stare resentfully at Jackson, not missing Derek’s surprised expression.

“Calm you’re ass douche bag”, Jackson said an evil grin on his face, “seriously you should be thanking us, specifically me, because for the past four days we’ve all been covering up your sorry ass so you’re dad wont find out why you haven’t been home. You’re lucky he was on the night shift this week. All that hard work and sneaking around just because little baby Stiles couldn't fucking drive his own car properly down the –“.

“Jackson STOP” Derek growled in his Alpha authoritative commanding voice. Which usually used to sound so superior and frightening to Stiles as a human. But now as a wolf, it had a completely different affect on him. He felt aroused. Like he was being drawn to the strength and power of Derek within his pack.

But it was already too late, because before he knew it Stiles was already slamming Jackson against the nearest wall digging his nails into the soft spot of his neck, which revealed his quickening pulse.  
Thump, Thump, Thump… that small stutter. That’s all Stiles could hear for the next few seconds, and of course that small whine that came out of Jackson unintentionally. He could just sink his teeth there. Show Jackson who really has the upper hand.  
But something in the back of his mind was fighting him. Telling him not to, that this isn't the one.

Jackson tried to fight Stiles. He tried to resist Stiles’s bruising grip on both his wrists. But Stiles had no problem pining both of Jackson’s hands effortlessly, with now extended claws, above his head making them absolutely useless.

“Let go of me Stilinski… You’ll regret this. Because I am so going to kill you after this”, Jackson said in a low, and Stiles is assuming what was supposed to be a threatening growl, but honestly, Stiles couldn't care less.

“I’m the beta with the blue eyes”, Jackson continued, “don’t forget that. I’m the second in command, so you will do as I say”.

Again Stiles felt rage rise within him. God this idiot actually thought Stiles gave a fuck what color eyes he has? How stupid can you get? Seriously…

“Oh Jackson… See even though you’re such a pretty boy I always expected more from you”, Stiles sounded venomous, “But you’ve proved me wrong”. Stiles couldn’t ignore the sharp inhale that came from Derek after Stiles mentioned Jackson’s appearance. Like it almost upset him.

Now he started speaking with a snarl, his voice no longer human, the wolf was taking over. Stiles understood, it felt like Jackson was challenging him, and he knew what the wolf wanted. It wanted submission:  
“Don’t you see… I honestly don’t care if you’re some Beta, or even an Omega… Because even as the one who claims to be the second in command, I’m still for whatever reason stronger than you”, Stiles was now using his other free hand to dig in deeper into Jacksons throat letting blood drip down his fingers and stain the wooden floor.

And with a deep growl Stiles remarked, “ and I could still rip you’re throat out in a heart beat, and there’s nothing you can do about it, because for once in your life you know what it feels like to be the weaker one.”

And just like that Jackson gave in a low whine and exposed his throat for Stiles. Finally he had gotten what he wanted. Submission.  
His perfect little moment of victory was sadly cut short when he felt the tight grip of a much stronger wolf on his throat. Not Beta. But Alpha. And that’s when his inner wolf completely took over.

“Submit”, he heard Derek spit out between clenched inhuman teeth. But that did nothing to Stiles. He didn't even feel a spike of fear. He felt like Derek was challenging him.

So that’s when all hell broke lose because before he knew it he was kneeling on top of Derek breathing heavily… Would someone please like to tell him when he exactly became fucking strong enough to take on an Alpha?  
Derek let out a furious howl not letting himself change completely into his Alpha werewolf form.  
Derek placed both his hands on Stiles’s hips, pressing them tightly, and limiting Stiles ability to move. A gesture that under different circumstances would suggest a completely different situation.  
Stiles felt flush rise to the surface of his skin and heat burning down his spine. Urgh WHY NOW?!  
He was so distracted from the sudden contact. But man did it feel good. So good. Like Stiles could just stop everything now and tell Derek he’s sorry, he’ll submit, he’ll do anything if Derek just keeps his hands right there for the rest of his life. Derek positioned him in a way that with just one quick thrust from Stiles, the position which they were in now would turn quickly from life threatening to something totally different.

Stiles’s mind quickly changed its train of thought when he felt the burning stab of nails sink and rip their way into his hips (guess no sexy thoughts for Stiles this time). Before Stiles knew it, he was being lifted up and hurled by Derek’s body through the wooden wall which only a few minutes ago served as part of his recovery room, and found himself out in the open of what used to be the Hale’s backyard before the fire.

Stiles felt the tearing of flesh, but no way was he letting Derek take him on so easily. If Derek wanted to fight dirty, so could he.  
Stiles managed to release his arms from under Dereks crushing body weight. And oh God Derek Hale was plastered on top of Stiles. If he could just buck forward, that’s all he wants, a little friction, just the rub of his – concentrate Stiles!  
Against Dereks – Stiles!  
It’s probably so big, it would just stretch Stiles open and he would just – STILES!!!!!  
Why the fuck was he thinking sexy thoughts right now? Concentrate Stiles. You can do this. Sexy thoughts for later.  
Ok Stiles think. You can do this. THINK.  
That’s when it all came to him. If Derek wanted submission then fake submission he was going to get.

Stiles remembered the many times he’s seen Derek fascinated by the very movement he was about to perform next.  
Stiles opened his mouth, allowing it to part just a little, while he exposed his pink tongue and let it slide across his lips, licking in slow refined movements, and then returning it back into his mouth, revealing a sleek shine that now covered his soft lips, while biting down cautiously at his now wet and glossy lips. Derek, not lifting his gaze once from Stiles’s plump mouth.

“Derek…” Stiles almost begged in his best raspy sexy voice.

Derek looked at him wide eyed filled with something that can only be described as lust and want. Towards Stiles. Holy shit his plan was working.

He took one of his hands and slid it into Dereks hair, tangling within it while his other hand slid up to cup Dereks face, allowing his elongated fingernails to tap delicately across the stubble of Dereks cheeks. He managed to open and flex his legs a little further allowing Derek to move in between them. And Derek took the invitation gladly with no hesitation. Adding a little bit more force to the movement, allowing Stiles the friction he so desperately needed.  
Stiles allowed a small gasp escape his lips… Notice how he said ALLOWED. Yeah because that was all part of his plan and no way did he totally lose focus due to the fact that Derek Fucking Hale was practically grinding into him.

He used that as his opportunity. Derek was distracted. Stiles already realized that Alpha or not Stiles could almost match Derek in strength. He decided to take a fistful of Dereks hair and pull it for the life of him.

Shocked with surprise Derek actually lifted upwards allowing Stiles to maneuver them in a way which ended up leaving Stiles on top of Derek griping his arms for dear life.

“Watch out for the tree” Stiles said with what he would like to think was a damn sexy smirk as he picked up Dereks body and slammed him into the nearest tree log he could find. Resulting in the dislocation of Derek’s shoulder.

Stiles was totally pleased with himself. His plan worked. He managed to woo Derek into giving him a little something something while fighting for his right to NOT submit. But what he didn't expect was what came next.  
Apparently Alphas didn't like being used… wow... shocker… And so when Derek just lifted up Stiles and just slammed him, no warning, into the ground, Stiles was just thankful he was still breathing.

But boy did it hurt. He felt the crack of several bones, but he couldn't tell which ones because his whole body was in excruciating pain. Soon enough he would heal though... Right?  
He thought he was done for it. OK he’s learned his lesson. Don’t fuck with an Alpha. Well actually he should say don’t piss an alpha off… he might have learned a different kind of lesson about Alpha fucking.

Though he COULD have hoped for the end of it, it was actually far from over. Because before Stiles knew it Derek was grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and pushing him against a tree. OK seriously though what is it with werewolves and their attraction to pushing people into trees? I mean seriously when Stiles did it he was being a clever little wolf, but Derek is just being a copy cat!

Stiles collided into the tree releasing a harsh “oomph” that resulted from Derek pressing his chest into Stiles’s. Stiles was hoping he might still get lucky, a man can never stop to hope.. right? But from the look on Derek face he was going to have to wait a lonnggggg time before he even comes close to being lucky with Derek Hale ever again.

But GOD! Since they've finally stopped moving and Derek was leaning in so close to his face, bodies aligned together, practically sharing the same breathing space. So Stiles decides to take time and appreciate Derek’s face, and body, and other things which involve Derek’s body.  
Can you get anything more perfect than this? I mean how is it even humanly possible to look this good?! Oh right… of course, Derek isn't human.

What happens next, Stiles did no way in hell expect. Dereks eyes began fading back into their regular self exhilarating green color. Derek used one of his free hands, which wasn't keeping Stiles pushed tight against a tree thank you very much, to tilt Stiles’s head to the side allowing him to get a clear view of the broken wooden wall their collision has caused. To his disbelief Scott, Isaac, and Jackson were no longer standing there watching. In fact when he listened in closely he could only hear the beating heart of only one other person - Dereks.

Stiles was shaken back into reality when he felt Derek’s hot breath lingering along his neck. It sent a full on body shutter through Stiles. Then right at his pulse point Derek pressed his nose and took in a long inhale. It didn’t last long. Derek wanted to show Stiles he was in control.  
So Derek took a small step backwards from Stiles, giving him his own personal space to breath, however still keeping his hands clutched tight in fists around the fabric of Stiles’s shirt.

“Stiles…” Derek spoke hoarsely, “please I need you to…”

“Fuck Stiles, Just-“, he paused again looking into Stiles’s eyes, “Submit.”

“I need you to submit NOW.”

Why does he have to sound sooo fucking sexy and vulnerable when he says that!? Stiles was sure he was pulling one of Derek’s scowls.  
He wanted to rap his hands around Derek and yell “YES! TAKE ME NOW!”

But you see that was the thing. Derek was asking Stiles to submit. To admit that he is in fact no match for Derek because Derek is the Alpha, and Stiles is supposed to be just some other Beta. That Derek is the high and almighty Alpha that can’t be threatened by anyone.

Both Stiles and his wolf knew that wasn't the case. Because if Stiles was still human, he would have agreed to be part of Dereks pack in a heart beat, no questions asked.

Except as a werewolf Stiles realizes he’s different. He won’t not submit to Derek for the sake of proving a point. To prove that Derek isn't the boss of him. He won’t submit because his wolf won’t allow him to.

Because now Stiles realizes that he is not some Beta, or an Omega, someone who is meant to be second in command, or is waiting for his turn to become Alpha. That’s not what he wants. Nor is he someone who will submit, not just to Derek, but to anyone. He already has the strength to be an Alpha, Stiles realized that today. Stiles himself is Derek’s threat because even though Derek might not realize it yet he is his equal.

So when Derek looks at Stiles expectantly, Stiles decides to tell him:  
“I won’t. And it’s not because I don’t trust you. Or because I don’t think you are good enough or because I don’t care. Because I do. Derek I care so much it hurts. Derek trust me when I say that I would if I could. But I can’t.  
I’m sorry.”

The look that suddenly formed on Dereks face said it all. Stiles hurt him. Maybe even hurt his pride. If Stiles was in his position he sure as hell knows it would have.

So when Derek says: “Just go Stiles…”

In probably the most vulnerable and wrecked voice Stiles has ever heard come out of Derek, Stiles tries to protest. He wants to explain to Derek why he can’t submit. That his wolf won’t let him.

“Derek please just listen to me for one second”, but why would he, because Stiles has already hurt him enough. So that's why he isn't the tiniest bit surprised when Derek turns around and starts walking back towards his broken house, while whispering:  
“ You've already said enough…”


	3. Regulations

**November 25 th 2012**  
  
Its been exactly one week since the whole “Post kicking Derek’s Ass incident”, as Stiles likes to put it, occurred.  
  
During the past week Stiles has done everything and anything he could manage in order to try and not leave the house. His mission was accomplished, because really? Who could get in the way of Stiles Stilinski?  
Luckily his dad thought his lack of social interactions was due to the laziness that forms from holiday vacations…  
   
His dad was in a particularly good mood though, because he’d started seeing one of his co-workers. While his dad is still in denial about it, Stiles can really tell he has gotten much happier since they started going out. So he decided to use this advantage to come up with some lame ass excuse about why he hasn’t been driving his jeep around lately.  
  
The fact that his dad has been spending most of his free time after work with this woman should have been bothering him, but honestly Stiles just appreciated every change he got to be alone, so he experiment and test his new abnormal werewolf abilities.  
  
The abnormal hearing, sight, speed, strength and smell, all drove him crazy for the first couple of days. At first he had difficulties blocking out unwanted sounds. At night he had trouble sleeping because he could hear cars passing by the main road miles away from his house. Small little sounds, which were almost impossible to detect for the human ear drove him crazy, like the leaking sink in his fathers bathroom, each drop was like thunder to his ears.  
He’s managed to go through 2 packs of wooden pencils, because he accidently kept on using too much force once he got frustrated, breaking them in half... And the splinters that followed were just a bitch..   
And the smell. It drove him crazy. That same old maple rustic smell, he’d gotten a taste of back at the old Hale house still haunted him in his own home.  
  
But he also learned to appreciate the new senses that came with being a werewolf. He could still smell his mother around the house, on his dad’s skin, in what used to be their old bedroom. He could see things that were almost impossible for the regular human eye to spot.  
  
To his surprise though, he learned how to control his abilities almost instantly. So instead of them being somewhat of a burden, he had managed to turn them into something to treasure. Now he knew what Derek meant when he said the bite was gift, and not a curse. He was exposed to a whole new world which he never new existed, he looked at the world differently now, as everything was simply… different.  
  
  
***  
  
  
 **November 26 th 2012**  
  
His first day back to school could be described, for a lack of a better word, as _shit._  
Jackson made sure to stay away from him at all cause. Which honestly did not bother Stiles one bit. On the contrary, Stiles doesn’t really appreciate the presence of assholes in his life. Annndddd… he must say that the most enjoyable thing about it probably has to be the fact that whenever Stiles even catches Jackson looking at him, Jackson’s face becomes this scrunched up expression of fear which honestly Stiles finds priceless.  
  
The most difficult thing he probably had to face, was not a thing, but a person, a person who used to be his best friend - Scott.  
He’d managed to avoid him for the first two periods, until lunch time. Stiles was planning on getting lunch and then heading out to the field where he could sit on the bleachers, knowing no one would bother him.  
Before he even got to step a foot past the cafeteria doors he felt a tug on his sleeve jacket. He didn’t have to look up to know who it was. He just knew it was him.  
  
“Stiles listen we really need to talk”, Scott had said. He appeared so tired and restless, but still managed to stare at Stiles with his puppy dog eyes, “Stiles this is really –“

 

Stiles cut him off. Knowing very well that _all_ werewolves were in hearing distance when he said, “I need some time for myself Scott. I want to be alone right now. When I’m ready to talk you’ll be the first person I come to. I promise. But until then I just need you to leave me alone. I need all of you to just leave.me.alone.”  
  
He shook his hand away from Scotts grip and walked away from the cafeteria. He didn’t feel hungry anymore. And despite his predictions, he wasn’t ready to face the whole pack just yet.  
  
***

 **December 15 th 2012**  
  
  
It’s been 20 days since he last spoke with Scott. He actually hasn’t spoken to any of the pack members since school started.   
He'd managed to come up with a  _brilliant_ , he must add, layout of the school hallways, which allows him to avoid any contact what-so-ever with any pack memeber, human or not. Stiles knew that cutting them all off at once was probably harsh. But he tried to minimize contact with them because he knew that they were all walking on a thin line which was bound to break if not carefully treated.    
  
He decided to quit lacrosse. Because really, the only reason he even stayed on the team was because Scott was there, and it was a good chance for them to hang out, especially since he and Allison started dating. But after the bite he no longer depended on Scott and their friendship. There was no reason for him to stay there anymore, so he decided to go talk to coach Finstock that afternoon, about quitting the team, once school ended.    
Quitting the team was probably the easiest decision he’s made in a long time, and its not like the coach even protested, they both were clearly aware of how much Stiles sucked.  
  
It was when Stiles left the school, when he finally saw him. At first he just heard a familiar heart beat, so he looked around the empty parking lot, and to his surprise Isaac was sitting down on the edge of the sidewalk.  
Stiles didn’t know what it was that pulled him towards Isaac. But before he knew it he found himself sitting down next to the boy.  
They just sat there in mutual silence for the first few minutes, feeling comfort in the presence of one another.  
  
 It wasn’t until Isaac grabbed Stiles by the hand that he realized they’ve been sitting there in silence for over half an hour. It just made Stiles realize how much he’s missed him, missed this.  
The comfort which he used to feel back when he thought he was a part of Derek’s pack, the type of comfort which no longer existed.   
Except this was Isaac. Their connection has always been different than his relationship with the others, like Isaac depended on him more than anyone else in the pack.  
  
“How was the full moon?” Isaac finally asked.  
  
“It was ok. Nothing really happened. It was weird. Nothing like Scotts first full moon, I had so much control over it. Didn’t even feel like I need to rip someone’s throat out… he sighed, while he felt a small smirk make its way across his face.  
   
Isaac smiled back, but with much more sadness then Stiles thinks he had hoped for.  
  
“I miss you…” Stiles allowed himself to admit with sorrow. It sounded much more pained then he had intended for it to be.  
  
“Then come back… please… Stiles come back.” There was a pause in his words, “It’s not the same without you… and Dere-“  
  
“Its not about Derek”, Stiles hadn’t realized how long he hadn’t said his name for. Of course he thought about him. He tried not to. But he couldn’t force him out of his head. But now saying his name out load… it was like someone had punched him right in the lungs. And it burned. It hurt.  
  
 “If you think he’s angry he’s not…” Isaac continued despite Stiles’s protest, “He’ll let you in the pack now. You’re not human anymore Stiles. We don’t have to worry about you getting physically hurt.” Isaac paused before he spoke next, “he didn’t mean what he said Stiles.”  
  
“That’s exactly the problem Isaac… I don’t want to be pack. I don’t want to be just another one of his Beta’s. I cant explain it but the wolf its just- “  
  
“I know what you mean… The way my wolf reacts to you… it’s different than the others. Not like it does to Erica or Scott, they are viewed as my brother and sister. But with you, it’s different… Like I need to bare my throat for you and show you submission.”  
  
“Isaac you know I don’t want that… I would never ask you to…Things just can’t go back to the way they were…I can’t go back.”  
  
“Stiles, I…look, I know this has been hard for you, and I wish I could stay longer but I have to go… my foster parents will be home soon and they’ll be worried because they won’t know where I am. But just because you don’t want to go back to the pack doesn’t mean you have to pretend like we don’t exist.”  
  
He pulled Stiles up into a hug. They stood there silent for a couple of seconds before Isaac let out a small whine and said... “I miss you too… we all do”, before turning around and walking away.  
  
  
***  
  
  
 **December 28 th 2012**  
  
Stiles was back to working at the library. Although they didn’t really take his 2 week of absence lightly, no one was really looking for an under paid job at a library. I mean the only reason people kept coming to the library was because of the small café they decided to open as part of the “experience a new way of reading” campaign.  
Stiles was reorganizing the history section when all of a sudden he felt a pair of eyes resting on him. He let in a small and barely noticeable inhale. He recognized the scent,   which only meant one thing, Erica was there. He turned around; saw her standing by the returning book basket. Once he caught her eyes she didn’t even hesitate walking over to where he was standing.  
  
“Hi Stiles…” She smiled at him, a genuine smile, nothing like the ones she used to give back when she was first turned, and tried to seduce basically everything that moved.    
  
“Hi Erica”, Stiles said, not quite giving her his full attention, “What brings you to this part of town?” he said with a sly knowing smile.  
  
“Cut the crap Stilinski…we need to talk…” he knew from her tone of voice that she was serious. Her heart was beating faster than normal, not because she was lying; it was something different, which made him believe something was wrong.  
  
“I have a 20 minute break that starts in 5 minutes… go order us some coffee while I finish up and ill join you.”  
  
He probably took more time than needed to finish stocking up the books, but he wanted to prepare himself for the conversation he was about to have with Erica. He knew she probably knew by now he talked to Isaac. His scent was probably all over him after that afternoon in the parking lot.  
He decided he wasted enough time, so he walked up to the small table Erica was already seated in and sat down in front of her.  
  
“You know when you said you wanted us to give you space… I really thought you MEANT all of us Stiles.” Yep… so they knew about his and Isaac’s “little” reunion. _Shiiiiit_.  
  
He didn’t say anything though. Not yet. He knew she didn’t come here to talk about Isaac. There was something else. So he waited, he let her talk.  
  
“I mean its one thing for Scott to find out you and Isaac have been talking, but Isaac was lucky Derek didn’t completely tear his head off.”  
 _Woaahh_  wait, back up a sec... what? Since when does Derek have a freaking right to decide who Stiles talks to and NOT talks to?!  
  
“It’s really none of his business who I talk to… don’t you think?” Stiles answered her, annoyed.  
  
“He really freaked out. He got all Alpha pissed at him. Told him to get out of the house before he loses control and does something he’ll regret. I mean your scent WAS all over him Stiles… People could get the wrong idea.”  
  
 _WAIT WHATTTT_?? So basically Erica was saying that Derek was jealous of Isaac because he not only talked to Stiles, but according to Erica thought he did more then just talk to Isaac? The nerve…ok who was he fooling. That probably made his day. Ok… Yes he felt bad for Isaac, I mean really none of this is his fault. But Derek being jealous just gave Stiles this small satisfaction.  
  
“Scott told Derek what you said in the cafeteria… about how you don’t want to talk to us anymore…”, Erica continued, “So when he found out you decided to speak to Isaac first, he and Scott started fuming with rage.  
 Seriously Stiles... it was a sight to see…” She smirked at him devilishly.     
  
There was a moment of silence before Stiles asked, “Why did you come here Erica?”  
He knew that sounded bitter, and maybe it was a little harsh, but he needed to know, if what he thought was true. If like Issac, she too forgives him for what he had said, about never wanting to be part of the pack, to be a part of them.  
  
“Stiles Derek was being stupid. I never blamed you for any of this. None of us do. I was so angry when I found out what he did. He was lucky I wasn’t there. Because if I was… I would have been the one pushing him against trees, dislocating his shoulder, and sticking my nails down his throat…” she couldn’t help but smile a little.  
  
So she doesn’t blame him, Stiles thought to himself. He felt relief fill his body, and he let his shoulder sag a little and rest.  
“So you’ve heard…” Stiles had said, feeling heat rise to the apples of his cheeks  
.  
“Yeah it was kind of something that was difficult to ignore. That evening when we decided to have a pack meeting and talk about you’re change, Jackson hadn’t healed yet, which was really strange, because usually the types of injuries that don’t heal immediately are caused by two things. Wolf’s bane or an Alpha. SO I forced them to tell me what happened. I couldn’t even enjoy the fact that you practically kicked both Jackson’s and Derek’s ass because I was so angry at Derek. The things he said to you Stiles… They weren’t right. I mean it. He knows I’m still angry at him for what he said to you. Because he hurt you.”  
  
 She then paused, and looked at him with what seemed like remorse, letting him take in all she was saying.  
 “He regrets what he did. It seriously pains him Stiles. But it drives him _crazy_ knowing someone else can have you while you can’t even stand to hear his name. I want him to realize how important you are, so once you forgive him, he will appreciate you for what you truly are.”    
“I understand what you want to do Erica…But I don’t think I will ever speak to Derek Hale again.” Catching his breath as he said so. He couldn’t help it. No matte what. The thought of never seeing him again hurt him in a way which couldn’t be imaginable.  
  
“Don’t be so sure of yourself Stilinski… January is coming up which means that next months full moon will be the Wolf moon. It’s called that for a reason.”  
  
Stiles didn’t understand what she meant. But before he got the chance to ask she told him that his break ended 8 minutes ago and that he should probably get back to work. Like Isaac she pulled him in for a hug, but she held on longer than Isaac, making sure his scent will linger on her just long enough for the next time she will meet Derek again.  
And Stiles… He couldn’t help but smile.    
  
  
***  
  
  
 **January 14 st 2013**  
  
Stiles was sitting at his computer desk when it happened. His father was on the night shift once more, which meant Stiles was all alone…Again...which only meant one thing.  
Shit.Was.About.To.Go.Down.  
  
He heard his front room door bash open, and he honestly wasn’t surprised one bit, because he could hear Scott’s increasing heart beat drumming holes threw his ears from practically miles and miles away.  
Scott looked at Stiles and he was literally snarling with rage.  
  
“ERICA! Really Stiles? _Erica_!?” he growled. Yeah… So Erica’s plan worked justtttt fine. _Great..._    
Only stiles was kinda hoping a different kind of wolf would be slamming his door open. Maybe a little bit bigger… with maybe a short stubble, and amazing green eyes… or maybe because he was pissed, they’d be red and he would just growl at him… even better. Gosh he was so horny...  
OK Stiles… time to snap back to reality.  
    
“Scott… you should really calm down… the full moon is coming up and from what I’ve heard… it’s a special one.”  
Ok… so this was probably the WORST TIME EVERRR for Stiles to be smug… but he couldn’t help it. Scott looked ridiculous all fangs and elongated nails… honestly even his wolf was giggling from the inside.  
“Stiles seriously? You’re laughing in my face right now?! You were supposed to be my best friend. You were supposed to come to me. I was always there for you no matter what was going on in my life!! You promised you would come to me first Stiles!!! YOU FUCKING PROMISED!!!!!!! AND YOU BROKE IT!! IT MEANT NOTHING TO YOU. YOU LIED TO ME STILES!!!  
  
Stiles took in a sharp inhale. No way was he letting out the wolf. He was in control. He could stay in control. The wolf was not the one who controlled him. Stiles was the captain of this ship.  
  
“Are you fucking serious right now? I promised you? What are you in kindergarten? AND YOU WERE ALWAYS THERE FOR ME? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? (calm down STILES!)… he paused for just a second. He needed to stay in fucking control. He needed to prove to Scott that he didn’t need a pack to keep the beast tamed.  
  
He continued, “What kind of lies have you been feeding yourself?!? Seriously?! Ever since you started dating Allison you have been nothing to me. You completely forgot about my existence except when you needed something for your own benefit. You call yourself a best friend? YOU SUCK!” He was screaming now, “YOU SHOULD HAVE PROTECTED ME FROM HIM. YOU SHOULD HAVE STUCK UP FOR ME AND NOT LET ME MAKE A COMPLETE FOOL OF MYSELF. Scott how could you let me do that?! And HOW COULD YOU LET HIM TALK TO ME LIKE THAT. To say that I’m not pack?! AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN THINK FOR ONE FUCKING SECOND… one second to get Allison off your lap and see if I was all right. Even when I woke up after the change. And we were fighting. You didn’t even think to try and protect me?!?! YOU LEFT. YOU LEFT TO TAKE CARE OF THAT DOUCHE BAG JACKSON INSTEAD OF HELPING ME… Your so called best friend?  
I NEVER WANTED THIS. I NEVER WANTED TO BE A WEREWOLF. THIS WAS YOUR LIFE. NOT MINE. So fuck you Scott. Seriously. Fuck.You.”  
  
Before Stiles knew it Scott was hugging him. Only then did he realize hot tears were streaming down his face. He wasn’t just crying. He was mourning. Mourning for losing his best friend, his life, and most of all himself.  
  
They stood there for what seemed like forever. Neither of them saying a word. After a while Stile’s legs started to give in, so he maneuvered him and Scott so they were both sitting on his bed.  
Finally Scott started to speak again: “Stiles I didn’t know you felt that way. Honestly… If I would have known I would have done something about it. But I should have seen what was happening… I was such an idiot. I was so caught up with Allison that I didn’t even stop to think for a second what was going on with you. So for that I am truly Sorry Stiles. I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you; honestly I care for you too much.”  
  
He stopped for a second and whipped away the tears that started running down his face before he continued again, “as for the whole fight with Derek... Well none of us really realized how far gone you were until we heard you shouting at him about not deserving to be Alpha… Because his sister…” That brought heat back to Stiles’ face. He regretted so many of the things he’d told Derek that day. It was hard to hear them being repeated.  
  
Scott continued to talk anyways, sensing the unease that came over Stiles.  
“As for the fight you had after you woke up… Stiles… I don’t know if you realized this but it was a fight for dominance. You two were fighting over the title of Alpha within our pack. The emotions you two were giving off… they were too much. We couldn’t handle it… The two most important and valuable people within the pack, fighting for supremacy… We just couldn’t. And for some reason Jackson wasn’t healing properly so we decided to take him to the Dr. Deaton, the vet I work. The fact that he wasn’t healing…that’s when I knew something was different about you. But I didn’t leave before I was sure Derek wouldn’t hurt you… So when I saw you slam him into the tree and dislocate his shoulder, Isaac called for me because Jackson lost consciousness. I knew you were going to be ok so I left. If I thought you were in danger I wouldn’t have otherwise… but you have to understand… it wasn’t my place to interfere.” Scott gave him a comforting smile. Like it was such a relief to let it all out, finally.  
  
“Gosh Scott… When the fuck did you get so smart?” Stiles smirked.  
  
“Well you know… Ever since you stopped talking to me”, Scott was now smiling wide, teeth and everything, Stiles could hear the sarcasm in his voice, “I actually had to start doing my homework…”  
  
They both laughed out load at that… Stiles hasn’t felt this peaceful in a long time.  
  
“Look Stiles I want to talk to you about Allison though. Because before you were turned I don’t think you would have understood the capacity of what I’m about to say… but now as a werewolf I think you might understand. The connection between Allison and I, its not some teenage crush. Sometimes when I’m away from her for too long I feel sick, like a part of me has been taken away from me and I cant function. She drives me crazy. I honestly would do anything for her Stiles. I would give my life for her. I would do anything to make her happy.  
And it’s not because it’s some stupid teenage crush Stiles… It’s because Allison is my mate Stiles… Always has been and she always will be.”  
  
“That actually explains A LOT…”, Stiles finally says after considering what Scott told him, “It actually explains everything…” Stiles couldn’t help but give Scott a small reassuring smile.  
  
“And Stiles… About the full moon that’s coming up… I think it’s better if you talk to Derek before it comes up… Because it will be different from the others. Its purpose is special… I hope you’re getting what I mean Stiles…”  
  
“Scott I think it’s for the best if I don’t see Derek anytime soon…” as in like NEVER AGAIN IN MY LIFE, Stiles thought.  
  
“Ok…” Scott said hesitantly.  
  
After another long silence,  Scott spoke again: “So are we best friends again?”, he asked.  
  
“We never stopped being best friends Scott…” Stiles answered with a grin, letting his eyes flash silver.  
  
“Promise?” Scott asked with a sigh.  
  
“Promise.” Stiles answered.  
  
  
***  
  
  
 **January 24 th 2013 – Night of the full moon**

  
Stiles woke up abruptly from a heavy sleep. God why can’t he even remember when he fell asleep? And what time was it anyways? He felt so confused, like he’d been sedated.  
  
Finally realizing where he was, he reached over his bedside table and grabbed his phone. He looked at his phone screen which seemed brighter than ever, and the light coming from the screen was brutally stinging his eyes. His vision was blurry at first, but then he managed to read the small black digits on his phone, it was nine p.m. The full moon was already up, which must explain the way he’d been feeling since he woke up.  
  
Stiles was thankful he convinced his father to go out tonight with Linda, his “coworker”, knowing he probably won’t come back until tomorrow morning.  
  
He laid in bed for a few more minutes. His head was pulsing. It was so strange. He felt almost dazed, like he wasn’t fully conscious yet.  
  
He managed to lift himself off his bed only to find himself colliding with his bedroom floor, hitting his head on the rough and jagged wood.   
  
Stunned, he felt a spike of pain push brutally against his chest. He felt a burning sensation fill his mouth. A heavy and thick liquid overflowing into the emptiness of his mouth.  _Oh God…Please let that not be blood… please..._ Stiles thought. But the distinctive metallic taste and smell that suddenly crammed the room left no leeway for other assumptions.  
He felt the tearing of his gum; literally, he could feel his flesh splitting and dividing, making room for something far sharper then just his human teeth. Stiles ran his tongue around his teeth; he wanted to feel exactly how sharp they were, feeling the spikes at the edge of each tooth made him want to bite into something so badly, puncture skin and draw out blood.  
Suddenly he felt a sharp ache travel down his spine. It was like a gradual heat running threw his veins, burning him alive. His body started to twitch. He felt his bones shaking, trying to rearrange themselves to fit his body, but there was just not enough room. He felt like he didn’t belong in his own skin anymore, and that’s when he realized what was happening. He was changing… not like Scott or the other Beta’s he was transforming into a full on wolf.  
  
 _No… This can’t be happening,_ Stiles thought, but of course it was. Because fate had a way of expediently punishing him…  
 _Shit.Shit.Shiiitt.shittt.SHIT._  
He had to stay in control. He had to stop this. He can’t let the wolf take over. But the pain… It was just too unbearable. The burn he felt from before reignited but this time it was different. This time it was intolerable.  
  
He needed something to make this stop. But not just something. Someone. He needed… no not needed… He wanted…  
  
“ _Derek…fuck… I need Derek…”_  Stiles hadn’t realized he’d been thinking out loud until he heard the fast beating heart of someone else inside the room with him.  
  
He didn’t have to look up to know who it was. He could feel his presence in the room, he had come for him.  
  
“Stop” he commanded.  
  
Almost Immediately, Stiles felt the excruciating pain that lingered in his bones, as they tried to expand within his body, to fit the size of his wolf, come to a halt.  
  
“Look at me” he growled. Not asking, but ordering Stiles.  
  
Stiles tried to fight back, but he couldn’t… and the moment he lifted his eyes to look at Derek he felt his eyes bleed silver.

 


	4. Damaged Beings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dereks point of view on EVERYTHING that happened so far... :OOO  
> hehe yes I know this wasn't expected... I didn't expect it either... But I felt like this was the right time for it to be done before things got even more...'interesting"... ;)

Derek Hale was the embodiment of the control.  
  
Ever since he was young, his family surrounded him and his sister with love and discipline. They taught him how to be patient, how to stay determined, in charge, they taught him restraint, restrictions and dominion, but most importantly they taught him how to stay in control.  
  
Derek remembers a time when he was much younger. Still in elementary school even. He remembers how he wanted to go to the playground and play with the other kids his age, but his parents never let him. They told him he needed to learn to depend on himself. That he needed to learn how to live without needing to lean on anyone. That he could trust no one outside his family, because they were different and the outside world would just not understand,  
  
“ _We can’t get too close to humans Derek, some of them want to hurt us,  and some could get hurt if they are seen involved with us.”_  
  
 They told him that because they were different, to them, being independent was the world’s strongest trait.  
  
As a little boy he didn’t understand what they meant. He thought their intentions were cruel and unjust. He just wanted to be normal, like everyone else. That’s all he wanted.  
  
Five years later he grasped what they meant when they said they were different. He passed his first full moon, and after that he isolated himself from society. He never wanted to be surrounded by humans again. To him they were weak, imperfect, damaged beings, which with a mere touch could be broken so easily.  
  
Looking back now he can’t believe how wrong he was. And what upset him more is that his family never stopped to tell him he was so conceitedly wrong.  
Now he sees it for how it really is… The only damaged being in the world was him.  
  
Yes, Derek’s parents taught him how to grasp the element of control. To rely on no one. To look at the human world with sympathy and pity because they were weak and fragile things.  
What they never for a second considered to teach Derek, and he doesn’t blame them for it, because no one in their right mind ever thought Derek would be the one to become Alpha… No one ever imagined that Laura would die and Derek would be the one taking her place.  
Derek felt that what he lacked most must have been a trait which belonged to an Alpha. A trait which symbolized the Alpha’s power within a pack, a trait which characterizes an Alpha because only he can have the mental and physiological strength to sustain certain circumstances…  
  
The most important life lesson his parents forgot to teach him was endurance.  
  
Because as his life began to fall apart he realized he was not ready to endure the loss of his entire family, and later the loss of his sister. To endure the blame for his families’ death and the self hatred that came with the guilt. He was not ready to endure the responsibility of becoming an Alpha. He was not ready to endure the duty of turning members for his own pack. But most importantly, and probably what he struggled most with…he was not ready to endure… not ready to feel or act upon… something so weak and reckless, something that he used to think had no significance in the world… something so simple that meant EVERYTHING… in the end it all came down to something almost naive yet indispensible, something which could only be described as human emotions.  
  
Yes. That was Derek’s weakness…  
  
Emotions **.**  
  
Feelings.  
  
Affection.

  
Whatever you want to call it. They made him feel weak, because he could not help but give into them. They drove him crazy because it was something both he and his wolf had no control over.  
  
And that’s where Stiles came in… Because Stiles has managed to take the two most despised and loathed things in Derek life and combine them both against him.  
  
Derek knew Stiles was different the moment he first saw him in the woods with Scott. He remembers he first smelled a new wolf invade his property. He thought he was being challenged… only later he realized he was following a completely different scent. A scent which reminded him of something pure and familiar, something that reminded him of home.  
  
He remembers hearing the two boys stumbling around in the woods like two idiots. And then he recalls seeing Stiles for the first time. It was probably the first time in Derek’s life he lost the ability to speak… or think… or even breathe.  
  
But Stiles caught a glimpse of him too… He remembers Stiles trying to fight his way to gets Scott’s attention so he could whisper something into Scott’s ear…maybe something about the fact that he saw Derek…But Derek was too occupied with a battle of his own. Because while his body shut down completely from seeing Stiles for the first time… His wolf was having its own mental breakdown… from the inside.  
  
Derek remembers the pain of it. His wolf was literally pushing its way to the surface. He remembers the harsh shoves and burn against his chest… Like the wolf was clawing him from the inside. He wanted to claim what was his… He wanted to make Stiles his…  
 But back then Derek was too ignorant to even consider the fact that a 16 year old _male_ was what his wolf wanted.    
  
After about a year Scott finally decided to join Derek’s pack and with him came Allison and to his surprise… so did Stiles.  
  
And Stiles…Stiles drove him crazy, in a way which sometimes he despises him for. He fights, and argues and talks back. He _NEVER_ shuts up. Always tells him what’s on his mind and how his plans are a total disaster. He embarrasses him and makes fun of him and pisses him off so much that his eyes turn amber red.  
 But sometimes… Sometimes Stiles would stick up for him or argue over fights which involved Derek and had nothing to do with him at all. At other time, when they were finally left alone Stiles would get nervous and jittery, and he would give Derek these small hints that just screamed _DO SOMETHING ALREADY_ …  
And sometimes… just sometimes, when Derek couldn’t help it, he would smile at Stiles… and Stiles would turn red and flush would start to cover his skin, and a sweet genuine smile would spread over his lips, and moments like that…moments like that were the type of moments which took Derek’s breath away…  
And even though he drove Derek to madness most of the time… Derek loved him for it. And that was exactly the problem. Derek. Derek loves him.  
  
And that was the turning point. Because for once Derek and his wolf could both agree on something. Stiles.  
They both knew what they felt. They both wanted him. Wanted him in more than one way. But he was so young. He still is so young…  
  
Yet there were moments where Stiles would do something and Derek was prepared to take all that “he’s so young bullshit” and throw it out the window with the rest of the pack.  
  
Like when Stiles licked his lips…which he did _wayyyy_ too often and it was seriously starting to affect Dereks health…  
Or when he would stretch after a long day of research, and reveal his neck in what seemed like an act of submission and Derek’s wolf would go absolutely insane with want… the need to claim him.  
  
And that was the problem… Because when it came to emotions… emotions like want, and lust, desire, hunger, and craving… Derek had no endurance. At all.  
  
  
Yes, Derek Hale was the embodiment of the control.  
  
Except for when it came to Stiles.

***  
Derek remembers the date. November 14th. He decided to have a pack meeting that was set to happen at his house at five. Derek remembers distinctly saying “ _Don’t be late…”_  
It was only ten days before the full moon so his patience level was probably at about a negative 20. So of course… Stiles had to be late.  
  
The most annoying part about the situation was that his phone kept on going to voicemail. And that’s when everything went to Shitsville because EVERYONE started freaking out. Even Jackson… and that says something...  
  
What was most infuriating about the whole situation was probably Derek’s own conflict… with his wolf.  
Forget the fact that he had to calm down a bunch of hormonal teenagers… His wolf could be the biggest bitch of them all if he wanted.  
And he kept bugging him… tugging at his brain and telling him that if something happened to Stiles, then it would all be his fault. Because if he would have listened to him, and claimed him like the wolf has begged him do to for months now, he would have known immediately if something was wrong with Stiles… and damn it the wolf was doing a pretty good job at making him even more pissed… and guilty..  
  
So even Derek decided to send Stiles an sms asking him where the hell he was…  
When 10 minutes passed and he received no answer he decided to begin the pack meeting without him.  
  
But of course no one could concentrate. They all kept fidgeting and releasing scents that were a mix of worry, fear, desperation, hurt, agony, and depression. Above all those scents Derek knew the most dominant of them all was anger… _His_ anger.   
  
So when he heard the jeep wheels drive along the dirt road that leads to his house he commanded his pack to not leave the house under all costs.  
  
He was in serious rage mode right now… looking back… idiocy and total madness were probably better words to describe it.  
  
Stiles stepped out of his jeep and Derek couldn’t control himself. He was so angry.  
So mad. Furious.  
He should have thought about the words that were coming out of his mouth. But he didn’t. He was all rage. He felt the sting of guilt and shame that was tugging at his chest. But it only filled him with more rage. And before he even realized what he was saying… The content of the words slipping his mouth… Stiles started screaming at him. And.He.Went.Speechless.  
  
He heard everything Stiles said. He stood there and listened. Listened to what the capacity of his own words could do to somebody. Not just somebody, but probably the most important person in his world. And then Stiles was crying, and all Derek wanted to do was hug him and tell him he was sorry… But when he tried to touch him Stiles denied him. He could feel the sobbing of his wolf send shivers down his body, down his spine. His wolf was mourning the loss of what was almost his.  
 _  
“ **I** am so fucking done with **YOU**. All of you_ ”  
  
He will never forget those words. They were scorched to the back of his mind. Repeated over and over again to remind him what his ignorance has caused.  
  
It felt like only seconds passed before Derek heard the crash. He hadn’t even realized Stiles got back in his car and drove off. It wasn’t until Scott started running towards the woods, that Derek realized something was wrong. When they got there Stiles’s jeep was a total wreck and the smell of blood was everywhere.  
Derek kneeled down next to Stiles and Scott was trying to take his pain away, but Derek knew it was hopeless, that there was only one way to save him. His wolf was growling, screaming, begging him to bite him, but Derek waited, he waited for Scott to give him permission to turn his best friend.  
And then Scott did, he was crying hysterically pleading for him to turn Stiles. He didn’t need to be asked again, because he was already devouring Stiles hip with the bite.  
  
***  
  
It was November 18th when Stiles woke up. He hadn’t slept for days. He couldn’t allow himself the pleasure of sleeping. Even when he tried, his mind wouldn’t shut off, his thoughts kept on haunting him, so he decided it was better if he just stayed awake… and waited.  
  
Derek could smell his scent drifting and intensifying before he heard him. He ran to the small wooden room at the end of the hallway… It used to be the guestroom, and it was one of the only remaining rooms in the house which weren’t completely destroyed by the fire.  
  
When Stiles looked at Derek his eyes were glowing silver, and it took his breath away. He was so damn beautiful. Never in his life had he seen something so flawless and pure. His mind ran a million thoughts across his head all at once, but the one that caught his attention most was, _one day he will be mine._  
Derek knew what that meant. He knew what Stiles was to him.  
 But his wolf, being the little bitch that he was, wanted submission. Derek knew better, he knew what Stiles was, and that he wouldn’t submit to Derek so easily.  
  
Before Derek even got to think things properly through Jackson, Scott, and Isaac entered the room… Jackson being the jackass that he is, wanted to show Stiles that he was the second in command, so he tested Stiles boundaries too far…Derek knew it the moment he heard the snarl coming from Stiles. Poor Jackson… he had no idea who he was dealing with.  
  
But he was fascinated…he wanted to see what Stiles was capable of. How strong he was, how fast, how dangerous, his amount of awareness, and how vicious.  
 He wasn’t disappointed…  
But when Jackson exposed his neck for Stiles, that’s when Derek’s instincts kicked in and took over, so he grabbed Stiles by the neck, and away from Jackson.  
  
He wanted to yell at him _YOU’RE MINE_ but instead it came out as “submit”. _Idiot._ Because really when does anything ever go Derek’s way?  
  
Then Stiles did the most stupidest thing that could possibly be done by werewolf or human. He challenged the alpha.  
  
But Stiles was smart. Always has been always will be… so he used Derek’s only weakness against him.  
  
In a way Derek was aware of what was going on… Stiles was trying to distract him… sexually… ahem ahem…And it worked. It worked just _fine_.  
Because Derek was so caught up... He wanted Stiles… He wanted him so badly… so much more than he ever wanted anything in his life.  
   
Stiles’s hand resting on his cheek, the other grazing threw his hair. The way he let Derek slide between his legs, the way they fit perfectly together, and the way Stiles kept pushing up, wanting more from him, like it wasn’t enough…He needed _more_ just like Derek needed _so much more.  
_  
And when he finally thought he was going to get what he so badly wanted, Stiles pushed him into a tree… and Derek’s wolf got _pissedddddd_ ….. Because you do not mess with a horny werewolf…EVER.  
  
He remembers slamming Stiles into the ground and then pressing him against the tree. His scent was so overwhelming… Derek couldn’t help but smell…he just needed to breathe it in, a small sniff of that sweet sweet scent…But it was already too much. He felt his control slipping away. So he stepped back still not able to let go of Stiles completely.  
  
Stiles…please I need you to…”

  
“Fuck Stiles, Just-, Submit.”  
 

“I need you to submit NOW.”  
  
Derek remembers saying it. He remembers begging Stiles. But all he heard from Stiles was “I wont…”  
That’s all he needed to hear. It was enough. He didn’t want an explanation. He already knew what it was, Stiles didn’t want him, and he didn’t know what he meant to him… So why would he?  
  
So when he told Derek to just listen to him, Derek turned around and told him he’s already said enough.

  
***  
It was December 15th, Derek thinks... When Isaac came to the pack meeting reeking of Stiles. This had been after Scott had told Derek Stiles told him he doesn’t want to talk to them anymore until he was ready, and that for certainty he doesn’t want to be part of the pack.  
  
When Derek first smelled Stiles delicious scent he had actually for a second thought Stiles decided to come back to the pack. _To him_. How could he be so stupid? His disappointed was taken over by anger when he realized Isaac was the one carrying Stiles’s scent.  
  
Derek doesn’t remember what he told Isaac, because he was so furious he let the wolf take over and do most of the talking. Looking back at it now… maybe he should apologize to Isaac about what he had said… _Or maybe Isaac shouldn’t have touched what was ours_ , his wolf bitterly commented. Gosh he was such a jealous little…  
  
Back to the point… Smelling him on Isaac, it drove him mad… drove him to insanity knowing that someone else was talking to Stiles, someone from within the pack, that someone else was touching him…  
The worst of all thoughts which passed his mind was the idea that Stiles would let someone else touch him… someone that wasn’t Derek.  
  
He remembers that around the end of December Erica had come to another pack meeting smelling like Stiles. His scent on her was much stronger than the scent that lingered on Isaac… Isaac scent could have almost been accidental, Derek tried to tell himself, but Erica’s was no fucking mistake.  
His first instinct was to fucking rip her neck open… But then he realized that he would be acting upon jealousy, and that it wasn’t Erica’s fault Stiles was ignoring him… This was all Derek.  
 _Still should have ripped her fucking throat out… whether she meant to smell like him or not._ Yep… So to add to the jealousy problem… His wolf was also an overprotective jerk.  
  
Derek couldn’t help but feel some disappointed lingering between Erica’s scents as he didn’t comment at all on the scent she carried with her. Instead it was Scott who went into full rage mode…  
  
Then came Scott’s turn. It was around January 15 th – 16th when he came to the pack meeting brighter than ever and the smell of Stiles all but dripping from him. He felt a tight knot form in his chest … But he let himself be comforted with the thought that maybe Stiles was happy…  
And that maybe Derek will someday be happy too… just not with him.  
  
***  
It was January 24th, the night of the full moon. It wasn’t just any regular full moon, it was the wolf moon. Its purpose was different then all the others. Its purpose is to mate.  
  
Derek promised himself that no matter how much his wolf fought him, he wouldn’t give in. No matter what. He wouldn’t go to Stiles.  
He cant.  
Stiles doesn’t want him.  
Stiles doesn’t…love him.  
As much as it hurt to say it Derek kept on repeating it in his head like a mantra.  
  
He knew he would be okay… Erica had Boyd, some human guy she apparently has been seeing.  
Jackson had Lydia? Yeah... Lydia was her name. And Isaac had Scott? _Wait what_? Wasn’t Scott with Alison?  
Whatever… Some weird things were going on between those three and Derek really did not want to find out the details of those “weird things”.    
  
It was around 8:30 p.m when Derek felt the pierce. The urge to go find him. To go to Stiles and claim him.

It became unbearable. He was fighting his instinct. The bane of his own existence. He knew that with Alphas it was different…Not anyone would do. He needs someone specific. He needed… He needed Stiles.  
  
Twenty minutes later he was in excruciating pain. His bones were shaking. He felt the urge to shift… But he knew that if he would, all his control would be lost completely, and from there, there was no going back.  
To add on to his physical pain, his wolf was being the biggest bitch again, and was practically tearing him from the inside, when unexpectedly they both came to a halt.  
  
They heard him.  
  
“ _Derek…”_ At first it was just a shallow whisper. _  
  
_“ _Derek…please... Derek…_ He just kept on repeating his name…  
 _  
S_ o Derek acted on impulse. He knew something had to be wrong.  
  
Before he even realized it he was out the door running towards the Stilinski household knowing Stiles wouldn’t be stupid enough to let his dad stay at home during the full moon.  
 _  
_He was only seconds away from Stiles’s window when he heard him say _,  
  
“fuck… I need Derek…”_    
  
And God that was it. That was all he needed. At least that’s what he thought.  
But when he climbed into Stiles’s bedroom and got a good look at Stiles, it could only be described as astounding.  
  
He was covered in a thin layer of shiny sweat, and his smell was intoxicating. It made Derek’s head spin. Overflowing into Derek’s lungs, which only made him want to act incautiously and take what was his. He could smell the hints of blood in the air.  
  
He realized Stile’s fangs had immerged from his gums. His nails were no longer human. He was breathing heavily… panting. And Derek couldn’t control himself any longer… He wanted him so badly… He craved him for so long.  
But Stiles wouldn’t stop fidgeting… Derek realized what was happening then. Stiles was fighting the change.  
  
“Stop” Derek commanded in a growl. He knew Stiles was hurting. He wanted to make his pain go away. And immediately Stiles wolf reacted to his voice and did as he was told.    
  
That sight, of following orders, the obedience, it made Derek lose almost all control that very moment.  
  
This was it.  
  
“Look at me” Derek ordered. It wasn’t entirely him. His wolf was being impatient.  
  
Derek could see Stiles was trying to fight his commands. Which sent a spike of arousal through Derek.  
  
 _Still not willing to entirely submit. This is why we chose him._  
  
But then Stiles lifted his head and locked eyes with Derek. His eyes burning hypnotizing silver.  
  
He wasn’t scared. Not for a minute. Never Stiles, not of Derek.  
  
That’s all it took. Those eyes looking at Derek with thirst. He needed Derek. He craved him just as much as he craved Stiles.  
  
This was it.  
  
This was his mate.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so after writing this chapter i realized that I want to change up the storyline I had previously thought of... So I decided to add more chapters to this fic... For now I think 8 will do...but I might add a few more in the future.. It all depends on how the plot of this fic continues...


	5. Craving Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... it actually took me longer then I thought to update this chapter, but I've been really busy for the past week and a half... And same goes for the next two weeks so it will take me more time to update. But ill try my best to update at least once a week... :)  
> Oh and also thank you everyone for the comments :) i really do enjoy them.

**January 24th 2013**

Stiles felt light headed. The smell that suddenly overflowed into his room felt like it was burning his insides alive with need and desire. The same familiar smell that he first encountered at the old Hale house was now overcrowding his lungs. 

It felt like an overdose. It magnified all his senses to a point where he felt like all his thoughts have turned into fuzzy incoherent devices which were being used against him.

 That very moment he felt the last speck of his control slip away.

“Look at me” he heard Derek growl.

Stiles felt a prickle of provocation travel through him. He tried to disobey, to fight his instinct. But doing so felt like he was trying to battle the essence of his nature, and he couldn’t do that, especially not tonight. Primarily because of tonight. 

Too soon, Stiles felt his eyes burn silver violently.

“Derek what the fuck are you doing here? Leave… you can’t be here” Stiles spoke slowly, like it was hurting him. _Seriously?_ _REALLY?_ Out of all nights?! _Tonight_ Mr. Mcbrooder Hale decided to finally grow a pair and come save Stiles sorry ass? _Really??_

“Stiles you need to liste-“

“Derek seriously you need to _SHUT.UP. and leave_.” Stiles snarled, holding back the urge to jump Derek right there and then.  
  
Derek paused. He looked at Stiles accusatively. But when Derek spoke again… Stiles felt his heart break to the sound of his voice.... ok maybe his dick twitched too… but not the point. The point is…Dereks’ rough, dark, rugged, secure voice. God, his voice was so damn sexy. All he wanted to do was fulfill his needs. Fulfill the crave he’d had for such a  fucking long time. Claim. And mark what was his.  
  
The smell filling his room was now suffocating. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t breathe. He just wanted to bite down on the delicious thing whose spell was so intoxicating.  
  
“If you want me gone Stiles ( _I don’t!_ Stiles thought)…Then why did you keep repeating my name ( _because I want you so fucking badly Derek_ ) like you were craving it…craving _me? (Because I crave you like I need fucking air. But I can’t Derek. I can’t.)_ ” Derek remarked venomously.  
  
And _HolymotherofGod_ , Derek’s voice was driving him mad. Every time he did something, even did as much as twitch a finger, it just made the scent intensify. When he talked, when he moved, even when he breathed…

“Its you.” Stiles murmured, his voice sounding uneven, “That smell…Derek…it’s been driving me insane … its you”  _That sneaky motherfucker._

Stiles paused before he spoke next. Giving Derek a tempting look.

“…and if that’s how you smell like to me… Then how the fuck do I smell like to you?”

Derek watched him. Eyes not leaving his gaze once. Completely ignoring the fact that Stiles just told him he is practically ire-fucking-sistible.  
Stiles realized Derek was studying his body, like he was contemplating the things he could do with it.

Stiles considered his options. He knew exactly what he wanted from Derek. The only decision he had to make was how desperately he wanted it…how desperately he wanted him.

Stiles lifted himself from his bedroom floor gradually, with fluid movements. Movement’s not too sharp, movements that wouldn’t shake Derek from the daze he was in.

“Don’t” Derek snarled at him. He knew what Stile’s intentions were.

“Stiles…” his tone was threatening.

But hearing his voice is what threw Stiles off the edge. He realized just how bad he wanted to feel Derek against him, against his body.

It wasn’t a matter of want anymore…It was need. The need to be claimed and to claim what was his.

Stiles gave one quick glance towards his bedroom door before bolting towards it. He knew he wouldn’t make it far. He knew exactly what he was doing, and the reaction he would get from Derek.

Running only meant one thing. It was an invitation. And frankly, Stiles was over the whole inviting stage… He was fucking demanding it.

He heard Derek’s furious growl behind him. Like he expected, he didn’t even make it to the door. Derek was already on him. Crowding him against the wall, not leaving any space between them.

“Stiles what the hell are you doing” Derek tried to sound calm, but his voice sounded desperate. Like he was fighting everything just to stay in control.

And dammit. Stiles wanted him to just fucking give it up already.

Stiles moved his head slightly. Revealing a part of his neck. He knew Derek wouldn’t be able to resist.

Derek let out a small whine as he took the request with relish. He buried his head in the crook of Stiles’s neck, taking in a deep inhale. Stiles felt the brushing movements of Derek’s nose against his soft skin. His lips, tracing a thin stripe along his collarbone, as his hot breath hovered over the too sensitive part of his neck, sending shivers down his spine.

“Why are you doing this?” Derek hummed into his skin.

And Godddd his voice sounded wrecked. Stiles knew Derek was close to loosing it. To giving in. And if he had to “encourage” Derek a little bit… then it wouldn’t be the first time.

“Because Derek… Stiles murmured, “I want you…”

Rocking into Derek… _Once…Twice_. Before whispering in his ear “ _inside me_.”

Stiles knew he probably sounded like the horniest teenager alive… But… he couldn’t resist it anymore. He can be ashamed of his behavior tomorrow morning, or for the rest of his life. But tonight he was going to be the biggest slut the world has ever met. And he was going to be damn good at it.

Stiles felt Derek’s grip on his hips tightening, his nails digging in deeper into his skin, but not rupturing it.

He felt Derek tense beside him; he knew Derek was waiting for the next thrust. And that was the exact reaction he was looking for.

He then slid his fingers across Derek’s crotch teasing, barely making any contact.  
When a small huff escaped Derek’s lips, he cupped Dereks dick in his hand, giving it a good stroke with his fingers, feeling how hard Derek really was.

He heard Derek choke out a ragged breath.

“Common Derek…” Stiles whispered against Derek’s’ lips.

Stiles grabbed Derek’s earlobe between his teeth and gave it a rough tug, demanding an answer from Derek.

Derek pulled away from Stiles’ neck. He knew what Derek was doing. His eyes were still human, despite all of Stiles attempts.

He knew that human Derek had too much control. If he wanted to get to Derek, then he would have to persuade his wolf instead, and Stiles knew exactly what he had to do to send Derek’s wolf over the edge.

He tugged at Derek’s belt with what seemed like impatience. Derek not trying to resist, not even once.

Finally unbuckling it, he popped open the first button of Derek’s jeans and slid his hands in grabbing a fistful of Derek’s hard cock; it was already so flushed and swollen…Stiles couldn’t help but lick his lips at the sight of it.  
Stiles started stroking slow and thorough movements along his whole shaft. Stiles kept moving his thumb against Derek’s head. Teasing it. Earning low shallow moans escaping Derek’s mouth involuntarily.

“Stil-“Derek tried, but Stiles gave in another rough tug, cutting Derek’s train of thought.

He felt Derek begin to thrusts into his hand, encouraging Stiles to move faster.

Stiles then slid his other free hand into Derek’s hair, tangling his fingers in it. He gave Derek’s head a small tug exposing Derek’s neck, while Derek was too caught up in the activity that was happening in his lower regions, not realizing what Stiles was about to do next.

Stiles placed his face in the nape of Derek’s neck. Nipping away, working carefully, and leaving little red bruises along his collar.

 Working cautiously, Stiles finally managed to make his way to Derek’s pulse point. He could see the rise and fall of skin caused my Derek’s quickened pulse.

Stiles gave a small quick nip at the area. He let his fangs re-extract themselves from his gum; letting his teeth teas the raw skin.

“Stiles stop...” Derek did not sound convincing. At.All.

“God Derek you smell so fucking good…I just… Just one small…I just want to taste you.”

Stiles suddenly felt Derek’s strong grip on his arm, not even a second later his hand was being yanked away from Derek’s crotch and Stiles couldn’t help but croak a disappointed whimper from the loss of contact.

“You don’t know what you’re doing…” Derek hissed, but Stiles could tell he was just on the verge of breaking.

Stiles gave Derek’s pulse point one more slow, unhurried, taunting lick, before threatening Derek with a snarl: “I’m claiming what’s mine.”

And with that, Stiles sunk his teeth into Derek’s neck, digging in deeper, harder, latching himself onto Derek, while pulling him desperately closer. He let blood slide down Derek’s neck as he began lapping at the ruptured skin, finally feeling the thick metallic taste slip into the hollow form of his mouth, filling in the aching emptiness that was once there.

Too soon, Stiles felt Derek pull back abruptly, his hand gripping onto Stiles’s hair as he yanked him away from his neck, eyes glowing red. In response Stiles let out an angry growl, as he tried to regain junction with the punctured skin on Derek’s neck.

Stiles felt the tight grip of Derek’s hands fall against his neck, thumbs pressing against his jaw, heat overwhelming, and suddenly, Stiles felt the brush of Derek’s lips against his bottom lip. Tasting. Not quite kissing. Derek then gently moved to his top lip licking softly teasing effortlessly, taking his time as if they had all the time in the world. And then, Dereks lips were crashing into his deepening the kiss, as his jaw clenched in both his hands. And for just a scarce insignificant amount of seconds Stiles felt like his world has completely stopped. Because he could feel nothing, absolutely nothing except Derek. His heartbeat drumming against his. His hot breath against his lips, and for those few mere seconds, nothing else in his world seemed to matter, no one else existed. He didn’t care what happened after tonight, because this moment, Stiles knew would linger inside him forever.

Stiles couldn’t help but gasp at the sudden sensation of Derek’s scorching lips against his own.  
Letting his mouth part open, a loud moan escaping his lips, as he granted Derek permission to slide his tongue and intertwine it with his. For a short moment their kiss consisted of tongues competing for control, but Stiles gave in easily, enjoying the pleasure of having Derek’s hands roam slowly over his skin.  
The need they had to taste each other was almost like an obsession, nibbling against lips, and sucking them with the heat of the moment, feeling the blazing pressures of lips against lips, as their tongues intermingled, entering deeper and more passionately then before.  
Their lips brushed messily against each other as Stiles felt Derek nip at his lips from time to time as a pay back for Stiles transgressions.  
Derek kissed him with so much force; it was so hungry, demanding, and so damn possessive.  
Derek pulled Stiles harder against him, and in return Stiles placed his hands firmly on Derek’s shirt, tangling the thin fabric with his fists, tugging at the slim material.

Derek pulled away from Stiles too quickly, to all but tear both of their clothes off, leaving Stiles with just his old warn out pair of grey underwear.  
Stiles felt Derek pull further away from him, acting on pure impulse Stiles grip around Derek’s neck tightened, as he wrapped both his legs around Derek’s waist, placing his forehead against Dereks’ panting harshly, begging him not to stop. Rubbing his face against Derek’s short and rough stubble, wanting, needing to feel it burn against his skin.

When Derek didn’t respond, Stiles felt the sickening urge to feel Derek against him again.  
“ _Please_ Derek”, there was a slight whimper behind it. Stiles was begging to feel Derek’s body flush against his.  
Unable to resist, Derek responded to his request reluctantly, pushing himself even harder against Stiles, biting against the nape of Stile’s neck, while gripping his arm around Stiles’ ass to give him the support he needed to stay wrapped around Derek. In return Stile’s hips thrusted forward with every tug of his skin against Derek’s lips.

“Bed”, Derek managed to gasp out.

.Bed. Right.Soft material.sexy times.YES.Stiles wants the motherfuckingbedrightnow.

Stiles let Derek carry him to his bed, not letting go of Derek for an instant.  
Once placed there, Derek didn’t waste a moment, his lips devouring Stiles’s in a heartbeat. Stiles groans at the feeling, his jaw is beginning to throb a little, but he lets Derek press slow, lazy kisses into his mouth while he tries to hold on to whatever remaining control he might have.

Derek moved away torturously slow from Stile’s lips down to his neck. Biting down at particularly sensitive spots which made Stiles’ body shudder. He continued licking short trails along Stile’s chest, marking each freckle on his body with a wet kiss. Stopping at Stiles’ left nipple, first teasing softly with barely noticeable kisses which transformed into urgent bites, which left him breathless and trembling. Stiles couldn’t help but thrust forward at the sensation. He knew he couldn’t last much longer. He was so far gone, already on the edge of loosing it.

Derek finally was only millimeters away from his groin, running his elongated nails along the elastic strap of Stiles underwear, as if debating whether he should continue or not.  
Stiles growled, his voice not completely human, “Derek please! Please! PLEASE PLEASE FUCK PLEASE just…do it already...”, Stiles managed to choke out. He felt like he was going to lose all control. His whole body trembling with need and lust.

Derek looked up at Stiles with anticipation.

“Stiles are you sure –“

“Fucking God Derek… Don’t you get it? I want you. Only you. You and your stupid stubble, and your fucking looming, stalking, and that frown, manhandling and growling. Its YOU, always been fucking you.” Stiles snarled, lifting himself up and all but ripping away his underwear, leaving him completely naked.

Derek kisses him again. He grabs Stiles by the chin and presses their mouths together. He drags Stiles closer with his hands and hips as they kiss until their bodies become one tangled clutter.

Derek pulls away, rearranging himself so Stiles is placed under him, pushing Stiles’s waist closer to his, while bending his knees and rapping them around his body.

“Stiles…” Derek manages to croak, “ Stiles what do you want? Do you want lube? You’re already so fucking wet, I –“

And God. Derek is such a fucking tease. Like seriously. Does he actually think Stiles has the patience to be all prepped and ready? Hell to the fucking no.

“No, Derek, it’ll heal…its ok… just _fuck me already._ ” He doesn’t mean for it to come out so needy, but right now he couldn’t care less what he sounds like.

Derek jerks his shorts down frantically, throwing them over the bed. He once again caresses Stiles thighs before slowly sliding his cock inside of him. He takes his time. Slowly building up a rhythm, as he bends down to kiss Stiles again and again. With each thrust he goes a little harder, little faster, pounding in him deeper. Stiles knows Derek doesn’t want to hurt him but he doesn’t understand that what he’s doing is freaking torture.  
So Stiles ruts his hips upwards towards Derek, feeling Derek dig deeper inside him, and is rewarded with the most ragged surprised sound escaping Derek’s lips.

“Derek…Faster…I need you to…”and Derek can’t get inside him fast enough. His full length inside Stiles, thrusting so much deeper than he was before, and Fuuuuck. It feels amazing.

“God Stiles you’re so fucking tight I just…”

When Stiles looked up at Derek he could see his eyes were no longer human, instead they were lustrous red… And.it.turned.him.on.so.much.more. the last of his control slipping away.

Stiles sank his claws into Derek’s back getting him moving even faster, Derek understood the gesture and he started rocking into Stiles in a frantic rhythm, and Stiles whimpers.

God he’s so fucking close. So close… SO…

Derek pulls out of Stiles completely, only to thrust back into him even deeper. This time hitting the magic spot, and Stiles, Stiles felt like he was seeing fireworks.  
Derek gave in a few more shallow thrusts, rolling his hips much more recklessly and forcefully.

“Derek…” Stiles let out a moan, grabbing his dick, as he realized the empty ache he felt due to the lack of contact there, he started fisting himself, his dick already covered with pre cum, only to have his hands pushed away as Derek grabbed his cock and started pumping it, jerking him off, until Stiles was only left with incoherent mumbles escaping his mouth.

Then Stiles felt it. A burning heat travel his body, shaking and screwing up every single bone in his body, as Derek gives one finale tug.

“God _Derekkkkkk_!” Stiles choked out a moan, every muscle in his body contracting as he comes.

Derek bends down, and buries his face in the crook of Stiles’s neck, as he continues to thrust forcefully against Stiles, trying to drive himself into his own orgasm.

“Derek…so good…so _goodddd_ “Stiles groans, biting down on Derek’s shoulder with as much force as he can, driving Derek off the edge. Derek comes with a loud growl, shaking against Stile’s lips, breathing heavily. When he’s done he sags deeper into Stiles’ neck, breathing shallowly as he places small kisses along his jaw before collapsing on top of Stiles completely.

Derek pulled out of Stiles agonizingly slow, and Stiles was surprised by his reaction, as he let a small whimper escape his lips, because of the new ache that Derek’s emptiness has left inside him.

They both laid there in silence, the only sound interfering was the accelerated beats of their own two hearts.  
He felt Derek move beside him, with what Stiles thought must have been a sign of Derek trying to leave.

Stiles moved in closer to Derek, needing to feel his body against his.  
“Derek… don’t go…Dad wont be home till morning… stay with me tonight…” he trailed off, voice trembling.

“Stiles… I don’t think that’s a good idea…“Derek tried, bringing an unbreakable silence over the room.

“Look at me.” Stiles whispered into Derek’s chest.

Derek opened his eyes and watched Stiles with the most broken look Stiles has ever seen from Derek. His eyes a soft pale shimmer, contrasting the darkness filling his room.

“Stay with me…” he tried again. Stiles knew that after everything that happened, not just after tonight, but he means everything, out of all nights, tonight he couldn’t bare the thought of being alone.

“Please Derek.”

“Okay…” Derek shuddered. Cupping Stiles’ body with his own, as he wrapped his arms around Stiles, covering him with his own body heat, leaving no space between them.

Derek kissed Stiles’ temple with one short despairing kiss, his lips were soft and urgent, expressing every honest emotion Derek felt from that night, before saying, “Ill be gone by tomorrow morning before you’re dad returns…” and then proceeded to rest his chin between Stiles nape and his shoulder blade, releasing a small mournful sigh sending them both into a heavy sleep.

 

***

**January 25th 2013**

“STILES! STILES!”

“hmmm what? What?” Stiles was drifting away from dreamland as he slowly began to waft back into reality… his blanket was wrapped tight around him, warm and snug around his body. It felt like one of those mornings where you’re just supposed to stay in bed until the afternoon, and just nuzzle your way deeper and deeper into a heavier sleep.

He rubbed his head closer to the warm patch against his shoulder, feeling the rough jagged ends of his blanket, before his dad began to speak again.

“Son… its time to wake up. You have school in an hour…”

“Dad…” Stiles hummed sleepily, tugging his blanket even closer, “why’d you wake me up so early if I still have an hour before school starts?” Stiles murmured as he brushed his head deeper into his softer-than-normal pillow.

“Just… you know… wanted to talk to you… about some stuff.... Didn’t get a chance to see you at all yesterday and last night. Missed you… thought we could have a small breakfast together…” His dad sounded suspiciously smug.

That’s when Stiles felt the smell of pancakes and bacon fill his room, his mouth beginning to water at the smell of the sweet aroma.

“Sure dad… missed you too.” Stiles felt a soft smile stretch across his lips, pleased, “Ill be down in a minute… just need to get ready.”

“Sure thing son…” His dad smiled, walking to the door, and then turning around all too soon.

“Oh and son… one more thing.”

“Yeah dad…?” Stiles said his voice hoarse from sleep.

“Tell Derek he’ll be joining us for breakfast.” His dad gave Stiles a dark look moving his gaze down towards the gun in his belt pocket, tapping it twice.

Stiles’ eyes opened in horrified realization. Last night. He and Derek…Derek and him… had… some… fun time…together… ending in both of them falling asleep naked and cuddling.

Which only meant one thing.

His softer than normal pillow? Not a pillow. That’s Dereks’ hand, under his head.  
The warm rugged patch around his shoulder? Motherfucking stubble that belongs to a particularly sexy sourwolf.  
And his warm snug blanket that he managed to tug even closer to his body? That’s no fucking blanket either. That’s Derek Hales’ body wrapped tight around his. Dereks’ NAKED body.  
Derek Hale, 24 year old male, accused murderer, who his dad arrested just you know… FYI…is in his bed. Naked. In front of his DAD. Did he mention they were naked…? Yeah… well…

“ _Fuck_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really know what to say... except for... I regret nothing!! :P


	6. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little shorter than the normal ones... But I've been really busy so i thought it would be better if i post shorter chapters every week, rather than post long chapters every two weeks...  
> Hope you enjoy... :)

 

 **January 25** ** th** **2013**

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Shit. Shit Shit.  
no...no...No...NO! This cant be happening to him. Nooooo. God. Seriously. What the hell has he done to deserve all this shit? How the hell has he gone from having sex with someone for the first time in one night, that  someone being specifically fucking Derek Hale, to him and Derek having breakfast with his father?!?! Stiles didn’t even know where he would start from. How the hell can he get out of this? I mean yes, he has the amazing and gifted skills of rambling and talking non stop, no filter what-so-ever. But  _THIS._  This is not something his Dad will take lightly... He had to come up with something believable… something realistic and convincing… something…  
  
Stiles heard his window creek open. When he looked up he saw Derek trying to climb his way out of his room.  
  
“Oh no you don’t you little sourwolf. You are not leaving me alone to deal with this shit. This is all you FAULT.” Stiles hissed at him.  
  
Derek let out a deep growl and stepped back into his bedroom. He closed the window and crossed his arms over his chest, giving Stiles his best “Im not in the mood to fuck around now” face, before he started speaking again, “How is this my fault exactly? You were the one begging for me yesterday…” He smirked. Derek Hale.Smirked. This moment needs to be written down in history. Wait a sec… Why the hell was the thought of him begging for Derek so freaking amusing?  
  
“You motherfu-… ok you know what? I was NOT begging… For ANYTHING… And as I recall it… you said you would leave before my dad came home. So what the hell happened almighty Alpha? Your dazzling plan went to shitsville?” Stiles asked annoyed. Suddenly realizing he was still completely naked while Derek had already pulled on his jeans and underwear, which sent a red flush across his cheeks. He tried to reach for his blanket to cover himself, make it look like the movement was done out of habit. But Derek was not buying it. Actually he looked pissed. Stiles couldn’t ignore the rumbling he heard coming from Dereks’ chest, like Stiles trying to cover himself offended him. He actually considered throwing the blanket off of him for just the slightest second.  
  
Derek was consumed by Stiles’ movement. He stepped closer to the bed before he spoke next, “Ok first of all my plan didn’t go to  _shitsville_ …” Derek did not sound amused by Stiles choice of words. At all. “And second of all… I…just…got…. a little…distracted.” The last part of his sentence was so quiet; Stiles could barely manage hearing it even with his heightened werewolf hearing.  
  
“Excuse me? You what?” Stiles asked, confused.  
  
“I know you heard me Stiles. Don’t make me repeat myself.” Derek slowly turned around and situated himself on the corner of Stiles’ bed. He released a harsh huff of frustration.  
  
Stiles could sense all of Derek’s emotions. They were all but eroding off of him. Confused. Worried. Anxious.  His heart rate was speeding up rapidly. He was breathing harshly, everything just felt wrong.  
It made Stiles realize, that this was the first time in his life, he has seen Derek like this.

First time ever that he saw Derek scared.  
  
“Hey… hey… Look at me.” Stiles moved towards him, setting himself right beside Derek so he was pressed firmly against his side. He took Derek’s hand and placed it in his own, resting it on his own thigh as he continued to calm Derek down, “It’s going to be ok… Derek it’s all going to be ok.” Stiles attempt at a smile was a fail. Derek’s emotions were almost suffocating him, but he had to be strong for the both of them.  
  
Derek released a small whimper, as he moved closer and closer to Stiles, finally resting his face between Stiles shoulder and neck, breathing in shallowly, “What are we going to do?” he murmured.  
  
Stiles felt a shudder run threw his body, only to suddenly feel a calmness overtake his figure, as it reacted to Derek’s touch. Being this close to him, it was almost peaceful. It made everything feel ok.  Almost made him forget his dad just found him naked sprawled in bed with another man, a man who he  _arrested_. His life was just like a fairytale…  
 He placed his other hand in Derek’s hair, brushing softly against his forehead, stroking delicately, “It’s ok… You’re going to be ok…”  
  
Derek then lifted away from his neck and rested his forehead against Stiles’. He breathed in deeply, inhaling Stiles scent. His lips not even a millimeter away from his. His eyes fixated on his lips. And Stiles, all he wanted to do that moment was lean forward and close the almost unexcitable distance between them.  He wanted to feel Derek again, the same way he did last night. To feel the brush of Dereks’ lips against his own, and the warmth of his tongue slide against his mouth. But then Dereks’ eyes lifted up towards his own, he stared into his eyes, dark and fragile, broken. And that moment, Derek’s eyes spoke louder than any words ever could.  
  
“Are you guys coming?” Stiles jumped from hearing his dad voice, and Derek flinched away, though Stiles felt him tighten his grip on his hand. He hadn’t even heard his dad walk up the staircase, let alone open his bedroom door.  
  
“God Dad ever heard of knocking?” Stiles knew he sounded harsh, but the truth was, he was shaken into a truth he was afraid of understanding. Now he knew what Derek meant when he said he was “distracted”. Because when it’s just the two of them, this close, its like nothing else matters.  Like no one else exists but them.  
  
“Well I was getting tired of waiting down stairs…And I have to leave for work soon. I want to get this conversation over with, because if I think of whatever  _this,_ his dad gestured between him and Derek, is any longer, I swear I am going to have a heart attack. So what’s gonna happen is… I’m going to ask you some questions. You will answer them truthfully. And then ill reconsider the amount of time I have grounded you for.”  
  
“Ok…” Stiles rolled his eyes, while releasing a heavy sigh.  
  
“First of all… What the hell in God’s name were you two thinking?”  
Stiles shot his dead a “really? That’s how you start this?” look. His dad got the message loud and clear.  
  
“I mean really? No offence… but Derek Hale Stiles?  _Really_??? Out of all people in this town? Derek? Do I even need to mention the fact that he is a boy? Actually I should say a  _man_. A  _24_  year old _man_. And the age difference? And why would you not tell me you were gay?”  
  
Stiles tried to answer his dad but he was interrupted mid sentence, “AND don’t you think Derek that I am not “this close” he pinched two of his fingers together, to putting your ass back in jail for sleeping with my underage son!”  
  
Stiles heard a low growl coming from Derek and he thought that was a pretty good time to jump in and join the conversation.  
  
“Ok dad first of all… you need to calm the hell down. Second of all I didn’t tell you I was gay or about any of this because I wanted to be sure that whatever this is, is serious. And third of all you need to stop staring at Derek and tapping your gun because we all know you’re the Sherriff and you carry around one with you at all times. Ok?”  
  
Stiles saw his fathers’ face redden at the mention of his gun. His father slid down further into Stiles desk chair, he rubbed a hand slowly across his face. “How long has this been going on?” His dad was looking at Derek.  He was asking Derek.  _Shiiiittt_.  
  
“About a month after you arrested me… I think.” Dereks’ voice was stern. He sounded so sure of himself and confident. But his pulse was the one thing that was giving his whole act away, it sounded like a marching band on steroids. Hehehe Stiles was enjoying every minute of it. Who knew Derek was such a nervous liar?  
  
“Look Sherriff I-“ Derek tried.  
  
“John.” Stiles’ dad sighed, sounding surrendered.  
  
“John”, Derek continued, “I would never do anything to hurt Stiles.”  
  
He paused. Looked him straight in the face and added.  “Ever.”  Not a single stutter to his heart.  
  
John released another noisy sigh before saying, “You better not. Because I’ve got a gun and…”  
  
“Yeah Dad he knows, we all know, you will use it if you have to. And you’re the Sherriff and your friends are cops so if you kill him no one will blame you for it.” Stiles recited.  
  
“Right.” John said. His lips pressed into a thin line. But Stiles could see the ends of his mouth curving just slightly, like he was trying to hold back a grin.  
  
A long silence fell over the room before Stiles’ dad spoke again, “I just don’t understand why you wouldn’t tell me…” His dad whispered, hurt filling his eyes.  
  
“Dad its not…” Stiles tried, but was interrupted by his dad’s cell phone ringing. He heard his dad rambling to some assistant in the office who sounded way too anxious for her own good, before he heard his dad say, “Ok ok ill be right there”.  
  
“Look I have to go… _But…_ How I would have liked this to end is by me telling Derek to get the hell out of my house and never see you or  _touch_ you ever again in his life.  _Yeahhh_ … his dad put an emphasis on the word touch.  
And that is because you are too young to be dating a 24 year old. Let alone Derek Hale. His dad gave Derek the stink eye. Oh yeah… Stiles was loving this.  
But… you are the most important thing in my life Stiles, and I don’t want anyone to hurt you.” He gave Derek the death glare this time.  _His dad. Just gave Derek. The death glare_. “But I know you… and I wouldn’t be able to stop you from doing anything you want to do… So… from now on”, his dad sighed in defeat,  “your curfew has been changed to 10 p.m on school nights and 12 p.m on weekends.” His dad started to make his way towards his door.  
  
“Oh  **AND**  Derek has to come to Friday night dinners at least once a month.” He looked at Derek. Derek gave him a small nod in agreement.  
  
“Ok… Well then… That went…well…I think… And I have to get back to work so even if I wanted to continue this conversation… which I really really don’t… I can’t. So ill see you when I get home son…” He waved a small goodbye at Stiles and added a  
“Derek” before exiting the room.  
  
“Bye dad…” Stiles called after him.  
  
He and Derek both sat there in silence. Listening as his father made his way down the wooden staircase, waiting to hear the front door close, his father’s car engine roar to life, as he drove away down the street.  
Only then did Derek take his hand away from Stiles’. He stood up and walked towards Stiles’ bedroom window.  
  
“You know you could use the door… like a normal human being?” Stiles said.  
He received no answer. Derek didn’t even look at him.  
  
“So that’s it then? You’re just going to leave?” Stiles was pissed. “We’re not even going to talk about what happened last night?”  
  
“There’s nothing to talk about Stiles. It was a mistake. It shouldn’t have happened… We…I…got carried away. It wont happen again.”  
  
“Carried away? Derek. Carried away is when you lose control and try to kill someone. We had sex Derek. That’s not called getting carried away.” Stiles was staring directly into Derek’s eyes, he wanted him to feel what he was feeling. He knew Derek could sense his emotions. Hurt. Pain. Ache.  
  
“It won’t happen again.” Derek repeated softly.  
  
He turned to the window, opening it so he could climb through.  
  
“Derek. If you leave right now. If you leave me like this I swear to God I will never speak to you again.” His voice was trembling. He wished it wouldn’t hurt. But it did. He felt the sting of hot tears in his eyes.”  
  
“You’re so young Stiles... You don’t understand. The things I want. You’re too young to make that decision. I wont make you do it.”  
  
“That didn’t stop you last night.” Stiles sounded bitter, he almost didn’t recognize his own voice.  
  
Derek gave him a small nod. It wasn’t a nod of understanding. It was a nod saying you just fucked it all up.  
  
“Goodbye Stiles.”  
  
“Derek I swear… If you leave…”  
  
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep Stiles.” His voice wasn’t human, he sounded venomous.  
  
One minute Stiles was looking down at his bedroom floor and the next, Derek was gone.  
  
Fuck the pancakes,bacon, and school. No way in hell was he leaving his room for the next 48 hours.  
  
Derek left him alone in his room, with thoughts and memories of last night, of how he held him, the way his lips felt against his, and of the way Derek looked at him this morning. But the only thing he could actually feel was the way the emptiness surrounding his room crept around him.  
  
Derek probably wasn’t aware of it. But Stiles felt like Derek had managed to take away all of his layers, peel them one by one, slowly, painfully, yet in someway carefully, and then leave him bare with no walls and no barriers to protect him.  
  
Because after that night, he took everything Stiles had away from him, as well as everything Stiles had to give. His fathers trust in him, his first real kiss (that one time in 8th grade doesn’t count), his first time, his first love (because no way in hell was he ever going to think of Lydia Martin ever again), and what hurt most of all, his first heartbreak.  
  
That is how Derek left him. Broken.

 


	7. The Lying Games

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter did seriously NOT want to be written... My god i cant believe its actually done :P

**February 10 th 2013**  
  
It’s been a little over two weeks since he last saw Derek. You know after the whole post amazing-sex-then-dad-finding-out-about-his-son-sleeping-with-a-twenty-four- year-old -man. Yeah… since that.  
  
And if Stiles was a liar who enjoyed deceiving himself he would say that he hasn’t even given a single thought about Derek since it happened. And that he hasn’t replayed their last conversation in his head again and again and again, each time hoping that Derek might actually stay.  
Or he would pretend that the fact that he hasn’t seen Derek for the past two weeks hasn’t been driving him crazy. Or maybe that he hasn’t been able to smell Derek’s scent everywhere on everything and everyone.  
 But the thing that probably drove him crazy the most was the fact that Derek’s scent which used to linger so strongly on his skin was slowly drifting away and almost disappearing… and Stiles was beginning to miss it.  
  
But no. Stiles wasn’t a liar. He never was the type to feed himself with fake lies or hopes. He was so honest and true with himself that sometimes it hurt. And right now… His honesty was being the biggest pain in the ass, along with his pride. But it wasn’t just his pride that was tipping him off the edge. His wolf was encouraging his arrogance to the extreme.  
  
Stiles can’t count the number of times he’s wanted to just ignore his own ignorance and be the more mature one. He wanted to go to Derek and talk to him about everything. But he was being persistent. He wanted to prove Derek wrong. He wanted to show him that if he wanted to he would never have to see him again.  
  
The only problem with that was that Derek was right. That sunovabitch. He was so right. Because Stiles couldn’t get him out of his head. The only thing he wanted to do with kiss him again. _God_ he sounded like a pathetic 13 year old girl who just had her first kiss… But he couldn’t ignore it any longer. He needed him so badly, he wanted him so much.  
  
But the thing that was keeping him from making himself look like the biggest idiot in the wold was probably his wolf. Who turned out to be a bigger fucking jerk than Derek, if he wanted to.  
 Always telling him that Derek might be the Alpha… “ _A very good looking Alpha. But he’s not our alpha. And you will not let him break us first.”_  But even with his whole “I’m the bomb” act his wolf has been pulling, Stiles knew he ached for Derek just as much as he did. Because every time someone mentioned his name, Stiles felt the vibration within his chest, as his wolf let out an involuntary whine escape and spread through his body.  
  
And Stiles wasn’t the only one who’d realized it. The whole pack has been telling Stiles they can’t stand to be next to him because he reeks of depression and misery. Even Lydia, who isn’t even a werewolf, and hasn’t spoken to him since the 5th grade, told him that if he continues to pout she will smack his face with her 700 page bio book because his gloominess is affecting her aurora.  
  
So one day when Erica corners him into a wall and tells him that she has a plan that will make Derek apologize to him and will result in a probably extremely long make out session, Stiles has absolutely zero will power to protest.  
  
So that’s what he’s doing hear. In the library he works at. Putting to good use to his 45 minute break. Sitting at the booth in the far left corner of the café shop that’s now part of the library, and mainly the reason why people come to actually check out books, snugly and extremely closely seated next to no other than Danny Mahealani.  
  
Welcome to Stiles Stilinski’s life everybody.  
  
Stiles doesn’t even know how the fuck Erica convinced him to do this. Well actually he does. She probably scared the crap out of him, because you know… Being the good girl that she was… probably threatened to tell everyone he was the real reason Jackson and Lydia broke up… And we all know how Jackson likes to keep his straight boy act in check.  
  
So back to the plan. Honestly. He has no idea how Erica has gotten him into this situation. Her plan was to make Derek jealous… And not make him jealous with just anyone. _That certain someone couldn’t just be some cute and sexy little girl. Because Derek wouldn’t give a fuck about that_ , she had said. Erica said it has to be a guy. A good freaking looking guy, a guy which Derek might actually see as a challenge.  
  
And at first Stiles gave her the look of _really? I expected better from you._  
 But then Erica quickly reminded him how her plan worked wonders back when she rubbed on him for all good measures so his scent was all over her.  
  
So the plan was suppose to go like this: Erica convinces Derek to go with her to the library since they needed to do some research about what-ever abnormal activity that has been disturbing the innocent lives of the poor Beacon Hills citizens. Once she gets him there Derek will see Stiles and Danny rubbing up against each other, and then according to Erica “ _Will go all Alpha male on him and flip the fuck out”_ resulting in a make up make out session and maybe some sexy time. And Stiles was all up for that thank you very much.  
  
So… that’s why Stiles was sitting extremely close to Danny, letting his legs intertwine with his under the table while one of his hands was pressed against the small of his back. Seriously the way they looked right now, no one in their right mind would doubt the fact they were dating.  
  
Unexpectedly Danny leaned extremely close to Stiles’ ear and managed to whisper softly, “We have a visitor.”  
  
Just like clockwork. Derek is never late.  
  
“Shhh…I know…” Stiles purred, moving away from Danny’s lips so he could gently bump their noses together. Of course Stiles knew. He could smell Derek before he even got out of the car.  Stiles hated the fact he enjoyed his scent so much. But how could he not? Derek smelled like freaking heaven to him.  
  
He knew Derek was watching him. He could feel his eyes burning on the back of his neck. It made his heart stutter. He could feel the palms of his hands beginning to sweat and an odd excitement filling his body.  All that did was encourage Stiles even further. He rubbed his hand up Danny’s back and then lifted it up completely so he could cup Danny’s face with both his hands. He began stroking delicately along his jaw line, and in response he heard a sharp inhale coming from no other than a very emotionally constipated Derek Hale.  
  
Stiles wanted to fist pump the air and thank the lord that something finally worked out for him. But instead his body was reacting differently to Derek’s presence. His heart was skipping beats like a freaking maniac, as if his heart function did not determine whether he lives or dies. And instead of enjoying the sensation Stiles couldn’t help but worry, because this was the effect Derek Hale had on him.  
  
“You know Stiles…” he heard Danny begin, “At first when you told me about the plans you had for me I was a little skeptical… But then after Wednesday night I couldn’t stop thinking about you. The way you looked…” Danny whispered teasingly, stroking his fingers against Stiles’ knee.  
  
Erica and Stiles made Danny rehearse that line probably about a hundred times until you couldn’t possibly detect a stutter to his pulse which would indicate he was lying.  
  
“And then today when you called again, and said you wanted to meet me… I couldn’t resist Stiles; I just had to see you again.” Danny smiled a sly smile pressing gently against Stiles’ cheek.  God Danny was a pro at this, Stiles thought… Erica knew exactly what she was doing…  
  
“I finish work in an hour and a half… maybe after I finish we could continue what we started on Wednesday.” Stiles teased. And unlike Danny, Stiles was not an excellent liar. They actually had to meet on Wednesday and start their Chemistry project so Stiles would have something to fake lie about.  
  
“I don’t know Stiles...” Danny whined, “I don’t know if I can wait that long…” He moved his hand slightly closer to Stiles’ mid thigh area and Stiles couldn’t help but release a ragged gasp.  
  
That’s when Stiles heard Derek’s voice, and it sent a chilly shiver down his spine, “Common Erica just hurry the hell up and find that stupid book so we can get out of this place.” He sounded so aggravated, he was practically growling at her.  
  
“Seriously Derek you think I enjoy being in this shithole?” Erica returned. And sincerely, Stiles could sense so clearly the smugness in her voice. He was dead shocked Derek hadn’t figured it out already. It was probably the irritation, ruining his ability of better judgment.  
  
Remembering he was supposed to be acting like a horny whore on a date, Stiles continued, “Ill make it worth you’re while…” Stiles murmured in return, he pressed his tongue along his lips and then said, “I promise.”  
Stiles proceeded to lean in against Danny’s neck, placing there a small chaste kiss.  
  
“You smell so good Danny…” Stiles was hiding a smile against his neck. He knew that would piss Derek off because Derek had an obvious obsession with necks. Biting down or kissing someone’s neck and leaving hickeys, marks, or bruises, was equally satisfying to him as having sex.  
  
And boy was he right. Because he heard Derek outright growl, low and angry. Stiles couldn’t help but look up. He wanted to see the look on Derek’s face. He wanted to see it so badly… And that was probably the dumbest decision he made all day.  
  
Because seeing Derek’s face made Stiles so freaking mad. Honestly Derek’s expression read like _I couldn’t freaking care less_.  
  
Stiles felt the anger within him boil. All he wanted to do was get up and throw his hot chocolate at Derek and hope it partially burns off that fucking scowl off his annoyingly gorgeous face.  
  
But instead Stiles felt his wolf take over. He made sure Derek was watching, tracing his eyes so they would come up to the place he and Danny were sitting. And before he realized what he was doing he felt Danny’s lips press against and his and then… his tongue was no longer in his own mouth, but moving forcefully into Danny’s.  
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Jackson was going to fucking kill him.  
  
The kiss was sudden and sweet. It wasn’t passionate or anything like the way Derek kissed him. When Derek and Stiles kissed Derek had all the dominance and Stiles gave it to him gladly, because in situations like that he liked when Derek acted all Alpha male on him. It made Stiles feel like he was the most valuable thing Derek had and that’s why he behaved the way he did – to keep what belonged to him his.  
  
Stiles pulled away when he felt Danny go stiff beside him. When he finally opened his eyes he saw Danny staring at something behind him. When he turned around he was not the tiniest bit surprised to find no other than Derek Mcsourwolf Hale standing behind him.  
  
“Danny… is it?” Derek questioned looking completely uninterested. He didn’t even slip a glance towards Stiles; actually he was completely ignoring his existence.  
  
“Urmmm yeah?” Danny struggled to form words. And Stiles could understand him completely. Because forget about the fact that Derek was probably the hottest piece of shit that ever existed. But he was also scariest and most intimidation person to ever walk the streets of Beacon Hills.  
  
“You mind if I speak to Stiles for just a few minutes?” Derek smiled. _Derek.Hale.Just.Freaking.Smiled_.  
  
“No? Ok Great.” In case you were wondering... No… Derek didn’t even wait for Danny to reply to his question.  
  
All poor Danny could do was gape at Derek like the freaking Greek God he was.  
  
“You know what Derek…? I actually do-“

  
Stiles couldn’t even finish his sentence because Derek was grabbing him by the neck, claws already inserted deep into his skin, and was literally dragging him across the café and into the men’s bathroom.  
  
Stiles couldn’t even protest because as much as he wouldn’t like to admit the nails stuck in his neck hurt like a bitch. _Aaanddddd_ … it almost might have turned him on just the slightest bit.  
  
Stiles couldn’t be more thankful that the café bathrooms were actually divided into private stalls.  
  
Derek all but threw him into the nearest one and locked the door behind him.  
  
“Aww what’s wrong Der Bear?” ( _oh yeah… he just went there)._  
  
Derek grabbed Stiles by the waist and positioned him on the sink counter, settling himself firmly between both of Stiles’ legs, so his groin was pressed directly and intentionally at Stiles’ own “sensitive” area.  
  
“Is this what we’re doing now?” Derek questioned forcefully, voice thick with self-satisfaction, a cunning smirk spreading across his face.  
And _seriously_? What is with all the smiling today???  
  
“I don’t know Derek…” Stiles murmured against his lips, while setting both his hands around Derek’s neck and wrapping his legs around Derek’s waist, “Are we?”  
  
“I wouldn’t know Stiles…” Derek looked into his eyes, fucking hypnotizing green eyes, ”why don’t you show me?”  
  
Stiles couldn’t respond to his request in quicker time, he tugged both his legs forward pulling Derek closer to him, crashing their lips together.  
  
Stiles couldn’t help but release a moan as Derek’s lips collided against his. All too soon Derek’s tongue was pushing his lips apart and sliding into his own mouth claiming everything and all that is his. Stiles groaned as Derek’s grip on his waist tightens, he felt Derek’s claws hooking into his skin, holding him in place, as Derek started to rock against him.  
  
Derek kissed him slowly and deeply. Little by little he traced Stiles mouth, slicked his tongue along Stiles’ teeth and gum, only to finally settle again and rest against Stiles’ tongue as he tangled it with his own.  
  
“I can smell him all over you…” Derek snarled eyes glowing red, breaking away from the kiss only to dive back in with much more force. This time Derek wasn’t as gentle as before. He was nipping viciously at Stiles’ lips, leaving Stiles panting for air. His hands were moving swiftly all over Stiles’ body, trying to cover Stiles’ completely with his own scent, so there will be no trace of Danny’s individual hold on him.    
  
But it wasn’t just about that. The way Derek griped his body. Tightly. Closely. Like he was scared of ever letting go.  The way his hands roamed across his body, touching every single patch of skin, leaving there a burning sensation like a territory was being marked. The way his lips not only touched Stiles’, he wasn’t just kissing him, he was consuming him alive. Like he needed Stiles to exist so he too could continue to survive after this. Like he was trying to memorize every moment because he knew that the next time this would happen will only be days maybe weeks from now.

  
Stiles moaned harder against Derek’s lips, he reached out blindly and grabbed a fistful of Derek’s hair in his hand, steadying himself against Derek’s thrusting body.  
   
Stiles could feel Derek begin to pull away. But he wasn’t ready, not done yet. Nope. Not even close. He cupped Derek’s face with both his hands, rubbing against his stubble. He wanted his scent to linger on him for days. He pushed deeper into Derek and began rocking back, finally feeling the friction he so desperately wanted. He kissed Derek slowly and passionately. He doesn’t tease. Not this time.  
  
He wanted to utilize every second he had before it all ended. He kissed him so desperately and forcefully, trying to memorize the way Derek’s mouth felt against his own lips. The way their lips interlocked with each other, fit perfectly together, like a key fits a lock. The creases between Derek’s lips, the way Derek’s lips curved and bent. He wanted to remember it all. He wanted to remember everything.  
  
Finally when he thinks he’s got it branded into his memory, he breaks away from the kiss to lick a long careful line along Derek’s jaw. Derek doesn’t get to be the only one scenting what’s his.  
  
He could feel Derek’s hot breath against his neck, as he rubbed his stubble against Stiles soft cheeks. Stiles encouraged him, rubbing back with more force into Derek, much more vigorously. He wanted to feel the burn of Derek’s stubble against his cheeks; he wanted to feel everything before it all goes away.  
  
Derek moved away, lower towards Stiles’ neck, inhaling deeply, taking in Stiles’ scent. Humming with satisfaction. He began sucking a painful bruise along Stiles’ pulse point, licking compellingly while engulfing the mark with wet hot lips. Releasing small moans of pleasure each time his lips crashed against Stiles’ neck.    
  
Stiles felt like he was about to explode. Hid mind going completely blank. Heat was burning all across his body; he was shaking from the need and desire that was finally being provided to him. He couldn’t help but release moans of gratitude while he nipped forcefully against Derek’s shoulder. He knew Derek was close, he knew exactly what Derek wanted, so he waited, he waited patiently, he wanted to feel Derek latch onto him with his teeth more than anything, and he knew that that’s what would send him over the edge.  
  
“Why would you do this Stiles?” Derek murmured softly into his neck, “Why would you kiss him?”

  
The question took him by surprise. He moved away from Derek’s shoulder in response, but Stiles already had a clear answer.  
  
“Because would you Derek? Would you kiss me and hold me like that in public?” Stiles blurted out. He felt pain rise back to the surface of his skin. All the hurt he felt when Derek left him that morning, the pain he’d managed to cram down his throat, he wanted Derek to feel it too.

“Stiles what are you talking about?” Derek sounded irritated, but he was too consumed with marking Stiles neck with his lips.  
  
“What am I talking about? Did you forget what happened that morning? Where you left me and acted like a total asshole Derek? Because really… it wasn’t that long ago.” Stiles said bitterly.  
  
Derek pulled away from him. He moved away from Stiles so Stiles could get a full view of Derek’s face.  
  
“Is that what this is all about?” Derek grits out and Stiles sighs.  
  
“Just answer the question Derek. Would you? Seriously. Would you? Because I know the answer to that. I have witnessed the answer to that. I felt it on my own skin. I felt the burn and scorn of it. So answer me Derek. Answer me with all honesty. Would you?”  
  
Derek dropped his gaze from Stiles. He couldn’t look at him. And Stiles knew exactly why.  
  
“I don’t know…” Derek whispered, his voice uneven, like it hurt him to say it out loud. It made Stiles glad. He wanted him to feel to ache. For once he wanted him to feel what he felt like after all this time.

“You don’t know Derek?” Stiles repeated shaking his head in disbelief. He lifted himself off the counter so he was now standing right in front of Derek, not even mere millimeters separating between them.  
  
“You know what I do know Derek? I know something even worse than promising yourself promises you can’t keep” Stiles paused, looking at Derek for any signs of recognition, “… yeah…. Remember that?”  
  
“Well… the worse thing about promising things to yourself when you know you can’t keep them…” Stiles swallowed painfully slow…  
  
He gripped Derek’s face, jerking it upwards, forcing him to look Stiles straight in the eyes.  
  
“Is lying to yourself.” Stiles spat bitterly.  
  
He let his hands fall away from Derek’s face. Feeling the burning sensation Derek’s skin has left against his hand.  
  
After that, for the first time, Stiles was the one who walked away from Derek.  
  
And. It. Felt. Bitterly. Good.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg dont hate me.. There has to be angst and anger that lead to...well... you'll find out next chapter >:) But for now... let your imagination run wild ;)


	8. Let's Hug It Out

 A **pril 12 th** **2013**

  
More than a month has past since he last talked to Derek. After the whole library incident Stiles really felt like he finally gave Derek a piece of his own medicine. But as more time passed, and the more he thought about it… he realized that he just made a complete ass of himself.  
  
He remembered all those times Derek had made he feel like shit. Like someone who could be so easily used and then disposed, like someone who was only good for when times were desperate. He hated that feeling. He hated that Derek could make him feel so worthless and pathetic.  
  
Yes. Before it all happened he wished that one day he could make Derek feel the same way, and when it finally happened… It made him feel good, he cant deny that. But the guilt feelings were eating him up alive.  
  
He didn’t understand how Derek could do it. How he could hurt someone he cared about, because Stiles couldn’t stand the thought of him hurting anyone, let alone Derek. Worst of all he couldn’t bare the thought that he actually accomplished what he wanted – that he in fact did hurt him.  
  
It made him feel sick to his stomach. He’s managed to stoop so low just so he could get a point across. He realized too quickly that a few months ago he would never have gotten the feeling of satisfaction from hurting someone. Someone who enjoyed others pain reminded him of people like Jackson and Peter, and thinking that he had something in common with them made him feel disgusting, and he hated himself for it.

 He hasn’t been around Scott much lately… He tried to stay away from Derek’s pack. They didn’t push the topic too much. He didn’t ignore them; they talked, but very little.

 The truth was they all smelled like him. His scent lingering so dominantly with their own, it was impossible to miss. And every time Stiles smelt it, he felt like throwing up. Not because it smelt bad, hell no, Stiles was crazy about the way Derek smelled, it made his mouth water, made him want to claim.  
Instead, it made him feel sick because it reminded him of what he did to him. The way Derek looked at him before he left. Stiles knew exactly how much he hurt him. He used him. That he could have ended what ever stupid game they were playing. But instead of acting like the mature one he did exactly the opposite. He fought back. He hurt him just as much as he has hurt Stiles all along.  
  
And even though doing so made him feel stronger, and more powerful he hated the satisfaction he got out of it. Because too quickly the satisfaction turned into discontent. He began hating himself for what he did. Kept on replaying what had happened in his head again and again, wishing that he would have acted differently.  
  
Stiles couldn’t help but feel that what he did to Derek was in a way what Kate did to him as well. She used him to get to his family, and eventually she hurt him in the worst way possible. She found his weak spot and twisted it against him. And that was exactly what Stiles did.  
  
So the thoughts kept on haunting him. Nightmares kept on lurking his mind, not letting him rest, making it impossible to forget. It got worse and worse. To the point where Stiles couldn’t just wait around and do nothing. He had to go. Had to leave. He had to run. Run away from what he did, from all those feelings he’d been cramming down his throat till he felt like he would choke, feelings that were tearing him from the inside out.  
  
It became a habit. He would let the feeling eat him from the inside until it became unbearable. It sometimes happened at school, at home, while he was at work, but mostly during the night, the nights were the most difficult parts to withhold because the nightmares were so much worse than any flash back or repetition of what happened.. So Stiles would just get up and leave.  
  
He would run. He would run for hours. Until his feet would ache, awaiting unbearable pain, till he couldn’t stand the soreness of his legs. He would run in the forest. Take in all the scents around him. Feel the wetness of the ground; take in all of his surroundings. He let the smell of the woods fill his lungs, fill in whatever emptiness was left there. He listened to the sounds around him, the quietness, the heartbeats of unknown animals hiding away, it would calm him down, make him feel less lonely.  
He would wait until the pain became the only thing he could feel, wait for everything else around him to become a blurry blimp of nothingness. Only then would his mind finally give in and stop. Just stop and rest.  He liked the pain of pure exhaustion because it made him forget. Made him feel ok again, just for a little while, it made him feel like he could breathe again.  
  
But sometimes even running from everything didn’t help. And sometimes the pain became too much. And the self hatred became intolerable, and it would make him so angry, so enraged that he felt like he had no control over himself.  
  
The fact that he had isolated himself, almost completely, from werewolves made his control much more fragile. He remembered that Derek once told him that it’s important to have a big pack because they gave you strength, but more importantly they give you the ability to stay control.  
  
And Stiles could feel his control slipping away little by little. He felt the loss of authority over his wolf. He would get mad too easily; let the change take over too quickly… It wasn’t until that night with his father that he realized how bad the situation has gotten.  
  
He hated himself for doing what he did. He thinks he resented Derek even more than he hated himself because in a way it was all his fault. But most of all he despised the fact that he cared about Derek more than he could ever hate him. And he knew, he just knew, that Derek felt the exact same way.  
  
So that’s what brought him to where he is now. His cell griped tightly in his hand, knuckles turning white,  the line on the other end ringing, ringing, ringing. His heart pounding furiously in his chest, as he waited for the other end to finally pick up.  
  
 _Beep…_  
  
Beep…  
  
Beep…  
  
Fourth ring and there it was.  
  
“Hello?” Stiles heard a raspy voice and his heart sank.  
  
 _Shit…_  
  
“Ummm Derek…?”

What the fuck? Abort mission. Abort mission. You can’t be doing this!  Hang up!! Just hang up before it’s too late!!!  
  
 _Calm down and stop acting like a little girl. Just talk already,_ his wolf rumbled in annoyance.  
  
Fucking asshole.  
  
 Stiles took in a deep breath before he continued; trying to sound like this pained him as little as possible.  
  
“Hi this is Stiles…”  
  
 _No Shit Sherlock._  
  
Stiles rubbed a frustrated hand across his forehead, while he waited for Derek to reply.  
  
There was a long pause before Derek answered him. But he knew Derek was there. He heard his heavy breathing, the sharp almost unheard intake of breath that Derek made when he said his name, and the faint thrumming of Derek’s heart.   
  
“What do you want?” Derek finally said. His voice soft and unrecognizable, nothing harsh about it. He wasn’t expecting that. He expected Derek to be bitter, to hang up on him, to tell him to go to hell. Something. Anything. Just express any sort of emotion. Why in the world could Derek not act like a normal fucking human being?    
  
“Well… I just… I ummm…” Stiles whipped away a trail of sweat that was gathering around his forehead.  
  
“Just spit it out Stiles.” And there was the Derek he knew. The impatient, harsh, icy bitchiness that could only be described as Derek freaking Hale.  
  
“I need to talk to you about something… “Stiles finally forced himself to say.  
  
“Not over the phone though… face to face…” he quickly added.  
  
 “This is really important Derek… I wouldn't be asking if it wasn’t… “He added hesitantly.  
  
Dead silence.  
  
“So if it’s not too much to ask…” He continued despite Derek ignoring him… “Maybe Friday we can…” He trailed off.  
  
Stiles’ hands were trembling while he waited for Derek to answer. He kept biting his lips waiting for his reply. He was so nervous. God why the hell was he so nervous.  
  
 _Because you’re a pussy._ _  
  
_Oh My God seriously just shut the hell up already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously his wolf. Is. Such. A. Bitch. How is that even possible!?!?!?!  
  
There was a long silence before Derek replied. Stiles kept fidgeting around in his room. Kept walking from one end to the other, waiting for Derek to just say something. Say anything…  
 He was so scared of rejection but at least Derek didn’t hang up on him yet so maybe it was a good sign?  
  
“I cant Friday…” Derek let out a heavy a sigh.  
  
 _Fuck._  
  
“Derek please this is really… Something happened and I need your help, I don’t know who else I can turn to…” Stiles was practically whining. He hated himself for being so weak but he was in a distressed situation.  
  
Again no answer….  
  
“How about Saturday at five? I’ll drive my jeep to your house… is that ok?”  
 _Yes_. He was freaking desperate ok?!

  
Silence. Dead freaking silence. He couldn’t even hear Derek breathing anymore.  
  
“Derek…? You there?”  
  
“Ok.”  
  
“Ok?” Stiles questioned confused. _Ok what_?! _Ok_ let’s meet? _Ok_ we’re ok? _Ok_ I won’t kill you?! _Ok_ I forgive you for being a total ass? _Ok_ I want to fuck you again?  
He doesn’t even _know_ how an “ok” can be interpreted as the last one but he’s just gonna roll with it.  
  
“Saturday, be here at five…” * Insert sexy sourwolf voice here*  
  
“Ok.” Stiles exhaled in disbelief.

There was another long silence, and Stiles thought Derek had already hung up, but then…  
  
“And Stiles?”  
  
“Yeah…?” Stiles questioned hesitantly.  
  
“Don’t be late.”  Stiles heard the line go dead.  
  
***  
  
 **April 14 th ** **2013**  
  
So Stiles was supposed to be meeting Derek tomorrow and he was freaking.The.Fuck.Out.  
  
It was Friday afternoon. School already over and he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He’s already done all his homework, completed all the lame ass assignments his teachers gave him for the weekend, and now all he had left to do was wait.  
  
He kept fidgeting. He felt like his room was suffocating him. So he decided to go run. Calm his mind down and maybe he’ll actually be able to get some sleep tonight.  
  
He started running towards the woods. He ran faster and faster. Feeling the burn in his legs begin to crawl further and further up to his thighs. He inhaled the deep scents of the woods, the moth and the smell of wet leaves. The crunching sounds his steps left behind him, as he made his way across the forest floor. He finally managed to reach a high enough speed that blocked him from his surroundings completely, leaving him unaware of the things happening around him. He stayed like that for a few good hours. Letting the drumming sound of his own heartbeat spread throughout the forest floor and guide him to the place he’d been pulled towards.  
  
He finally started slowing down. His lungs burning from the accelerated rush of everything around him, his senses sharper and stronger than ever, when he heard a ruffle of leaves behind him.  
  
He took in a long inhale before turning around, already knowing who was standing behind him.  
  
“Derek?” Stiles asked confused.  
  
“Stiles.” Derek sighed. Face stone cold, illuminating no expression. _Surprise surprise_ …  
  
“What are you doing here?” Stiles asked.  
  
“I could ask you the same thing…” Derek replied... “You are on my property…”  
  
“What?” Stiles asked shocked. He stopped to look around him. He hadn’t even noticed he’d gone so far out into the woods. He didn’t even know the Hale property stretched out this far.  
  
“Sorry I didn’t know… I wouldn’t have…” He stopped to gather his thoughts because apparently forming full on sentences was out of the question.  
  
 “Sorry if I disturbed you or anything…” he couldn’t look at Derek’s face, so he concentrated on the ground, making it seem like the most interesting thing in the world.  
   
Derek didn’t say anything. But Stiles knew he was staring at him. He could feel Derek’s eyes practically burn holes through his body, assessing him, his every movement.  
  
“Well… ummm…” Stiles kicked at a tree root he saw sticking out of the ground, “I guess I should be going… So… umm… I’ll see you tomorrow…” Stiles looked up and gave Derek a small smile before turning around to leave.  
  
He took a few steps forward not expecting Derek to say anything else.  
  
“Stiles… wait…” Derek huffed out frustrated sigh.  
  
When Stiles turned around Derek was only a few steps away from him.  
  
“Can you just…” Derek had said. And before Stiles realized what was happening Derek closed the distance between them. He took both of Stiles’ hands into his, holding them tightly in his palms before he slowly pulled Stiles in. “I’m sorry…” he whispered. Wrapping both his hands tightly around Stiles’ body holding him like he was scared Stiles would let go. Stiles leaned in, into the touch and warmth of Derek’s body. He placed both his hands gently around Derek’s neck, pulling him in even closer. Derek pressed his nose gently along Stiles’ neck, inhaling his scent, brushing his lips gently across his sensitive skin, before setting his chin on Stiles’ shoulder.  
  
Stiles felt a shudder run through his body because Derek Hale was _hugging_ him. _What the actual fuckkkk._  
  
Stiles let the idea of Derek hugging him sink in. He let his hands roam across Derek’s back, feeling the defined muscles there, feeling everything that he’d been missing. He let his hands tangle in Derek’s hair, brush gently across his scalp, behind his ears, hearing the rumble in Derek’s chest, only to later settle his hands around Derek’s waist again.  
  
“I thought you said you were busy today…” Stiles murmured into Derek’s ear, pulling away from Derek so he could look into his eyes.  
  
Stiles heard a low growl from Derek as Stiles began to pull away. He couldn’t help but smile, knowing that Derek’s wolf was still its same old bitchy self.  
  
“Don’t worry… I’m not going anywhere…” Stiles sighed.  
  
“I am… I mean I will be… the pack is coming over tonight… pack meeting…” Derek trailed off, immediately regretting mentioning it. Stiles could tell it made him uncomfortable talking about it. And Stiles couldn’t help but feel this uneasy pain in his gut as Derek mentioned the pack, acknowledging the fact that Stiles wasn’t part of it.  
  
“It’s ok Derek… You can talk about the pack. It’s not like I’m going to break down crying just because you mention them. It doesn’t bother me anymore” _as much as it used to_.  
  
“You know I can tell what you said is only half true… right?” Derek smirked.  
  
 _Apology_. _Hug. Smirk_. Today is Stiles’ lucky day.  
  
“Well that’s your problem.” Stiles nudged his shoulder.  
  
Derek released a sigh in surrender. Stiles knew he wasn’t going to push the subject.  
  
“So…?” Stiles whispered, pressing his lips along Derek’s jaw line while he scraped his no-longer-human-nails along Derek’s waist.  
  
“Stiles.” Derek said sternly, pulling away from Stiles touch.  
  
“What…!” Stiles all but whined.   
  
Derek moved away from him. He ducked his head and looked down at his feet. Honestly Stiles was mesmerized because this was the first time he had ever seen Derek look… ashamed?  
  
“Do you blame me?” it came out as a trembling confession.  
  
“For what?” Stiles asked hesitantly.  
  
“For this…” Derek pulled Stiles’ hands from his waist and brought them up to his face so they were both staring at his elongated nails.  
  
“For turning me into a werewolf!?" Stiles questioned, stunned. He’d actually never thought of it really.  He knew what he thought. He was stupid. He should have been more careful and less reckless. He never once stopped to think that Derek might blame himself for what had happened to him.  
  
“You blame yourself for what happened to me?" Stiles asked shocked as the realization sunk in.  
  
Derek still wouldn’t look at him; all he could do was nod in reply.  
  
“Oh my God Derek…!” Stiles sighed with irritation. “Why the hell do you think everything bad that happens in this world is your fault?!”  
  
“Derek! Look at me.”  
  
“I can’t…” Derek murmured.  
  
“Derek Hale look at me right now.” Stiles commanded, and he was surprised at how  badass he sounded.  
  
Derek glanced up at him through thick black eyelashes, _damn his sexiness. Just dammit_ , looking like someone who just watched a puppy get kicked in the face.  
  
Stiles cupped his face in both his hands, stroking his thumbs gently along his stubble, and Derek couldn’t help but lean into the touch.  
  
“I want you to listen very carefully to what I’m about to say next, and I mean it.”  
  
“I never once blamed you for the car accident and what happened to me. Ever.  
 Never ever has it once crossed my mind that this was your fault. You understand?”  
  
Derek didn’t say anything. He just stared into Stiles’ eyes. Stiles’ knew he was listening to the beat of his heart, looking for any stutter that would indicate Stiles was lying.  
  
“If anything…” Stiles continued. “I should be thanking you… for saving me.”  
  
Derek pulled in Stiles closely to him. There bodies aligned perfectly together, leaving no space between them. He rested his forehead against Stiles’, closed his eyes, and they both stayed that way, in each others arms, in complete silence.  
  
Stiles knew it should have felt weird. Being this close to him. Especially after everything that happened. All the shit he’d been feeling for the past 5 weeks… But it wasn’t. It was like everything fell into place again. Like this right here, was the way things were supposed to be… always. He felt so peaceful and at ease. He never wanted this feeling to go away.  
  
“What was it you wanted to talk to me about?” Derek hummed against Stiles’ lips, cutting his train of thought.  
  
And Stiles could feel a shudder ripple through his body. Because God. Derek Hale and his sexy voice were going to be the death of him.  
  
But then the realization of what Derek said sank in. He remembered why he called. Why he wanted to meet Derek. He remembered what he had done. How he put his own father in danger because of his own stupidity.  
  
He felt his heart quicken too suddenly, and his head began to pulse with pain, his lungs burning, making it almost impossible to breathe.  
  
“What’s wrong Stiles?” Derek captured Stiles face in both his hands, forcing Stiles to look at him. He could hear the concern and worry in his voice.  
  
“There’s something I need to tell you …” Stiles shuddered.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I had to end the chapter like this... If i would have continued it would have been way to long... So... sorry sorry sorry! :P


	9. A Few Weeks Ago

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so first of all... I am warning you because this chapter has angst... lots of it... And i would say im sorry... But im not...so... ;)  
> And second of all i decided to upload earlier this week because next week is NOVEMBER 14TH and i really wanna have an update by then! :D  
> Enjoy <3

  **A **pril 12**** **th** **2013  
**  
“Well then…?” Stiles looked up to see Derek giving him his best I am running out of patience scowl.  
  
Stiles would have said Derek is being a moody sourwolf again, in his own defense… but giving certain circumstances, which were him not answering nor looking at Derek for the past fifteen minutes… actually…sorta… may… kinda… give him the right to be upset.  
  
“Fine!” Stiles finally sighed in defeat.  
  
“But you have to promise me two things though... before I tell you…” Stiles sighed warily.  
  
“It really depends on what you want me to promise Stiles…” Derek said agitated.  
  
Stiles rolled his eyes at Derek before he continued.  
  
“First of all you have to promise to NOT to kill me.” This time Derek was the one to roll his eyes at Stiles.  
  
“Ok… _and_?” Derek said bitterly his nostrils flaring.  
  
“ _AND_. You have to promise _NOT_ to freak out, and by freaking out I mean going all Alpha crazy on me and therefore killing me.”  
  
Derek gave Stiles an annoyed look which quickly turned into one that looked like hurt.  
  
“Stiles. You know I wouldn’t hurt you…” Derek trailed off obviously upset.  
  
Gosh and did Stiles do that? Did Stiles Stilinksi _actually_ hurt the all mighty Derek Mcsourwolf Hale’s feelings?!?  
  
“I know you wouldn’t but I just want to make _sure_.” Emphasis on the sure bit.  
  
“Fine I promise.” Derek sighed audibly like doing so was sucking the life out of him.  
  
“Ok good… So it happened a few weeks ago…” Stiles began.  
  
“A few weeks ago and you’re only telling me this _NOW_?! Derek barked.  
  
“If you keep talking to me in that tone of voice I wont be telling you anything anytime. So calm yourself.”  
  
Derek glared at him for a few seconds before nodding, “Fine.”  
  
“Good. So like I started saying before I was rudely interrupted by some jerk…”  
  
“Gosh I wonder who would do that.” Derek frowned at him. Stiles was obviously stretching out his patience… and not in the good kind of way.  
  
But he decided to ignore him and just continue talking.  
  
“So a few weeks ago….” 

***  
  
 **March 26 th – As in a few weeks ago.**    
  
Stiles took a deep breath before turning the front door knob, knowing his dad would be waiting for him the moment he stepped foot in the house. He walked passed the front door; still hoping his dad might have gone to sleep and not waited up. He should have known better, he shouldn’t rely on false hope.  
  
He quickened his walk, trying to turn to the hallway that leads up the stairs to his bedroom as quickly as possible. All he had to do was pass the living room door and he would be cleared. He almost thought he made it when he heard his dad speak.  
  
“Stiles?” His dad had said. Voice stern.  
  
Stiles let out a frustrated sigh, “Yeah Dad?” he tried to sound as apathetic as possible.  
  
Stiles walked towards the living room, keeping himself as close as possible to the door.  
He leaned against the wall, huffing out a gruesome groan.  
  
“Dad look I’m really tired….”  
  
That part was actually true. Because this was obviously before he and Derek made up. So Stiles was spending most of his time running around in the woods trying to forget all the brutal thoughts that have been haunting him.  
  
“Can we just do this tomorrow?” Stiles tried.  
  
“Sit.” His dad ordered harshly.  
  
Oh no… his dad was using his Sherriff voice. Which only meant two things:  
 Stiles is fucked and his dad means business.

Stiles sat down across from his father, his dad watching him carefully as he did so.  
  
“Look I am only going to ask this because for the past several weeks you haven’t been acting like yourself at all. So know this when I say I am only asking this out of concern. And I want you to answer me honestly.”  
  
“Ok…” Stiles had said a little worried. This conversation was going in a whole different kind of direction.

“Are you on drugs Stiles?” his dad asked, concerned. 

“What?!” Stiles blurted out, honestly surprise, “Are you seriously asking me that? You would think I would…”  
  
“You’re always tired, you’re barely home, you stay up late, you’re teachers have called me to tell me you’re school grades have been lowering and that they were worried that something is going on with you, and a few days ago when I woke up early for my shift you weren’t even in your bed!  So what do you expect me to think?”  
  
“Oh my God dad you have no idea what’s going on, but I swear I am not doing drugs!” Stiles cried out.  
  
Fuck this was going down hill fast. _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._  
  
“Than tell me what the hell is going on? Because the way you’ve been behaving for the past couple of months… I don’t even recognize my own son.”  
  
“I can’t. You would believe me or understand. So trust me you would be the first person I would tell if I could but I can’t. So just let it go.” Stiles stood up to leave but his dad ordered him to sit back down.  
  
“Sit down. You are not going anywhere until you tell me what the _hell_ has been going on with you!”  
  
And oh fuck. Because his wolf, Little Mr. Sensitive, doesn’t like being bossed around. Not even by his own dad, and Stiles could feel the anger inside him rising.  
  
“There’s nothing to tell!” Stiles urged.  
  
“You haven’t been acting like yourself lately. You don’t talk to me for days and now you’re raising your voice at me? Who are you? What happened to my son?”  
  
“This is your son. This is me. This is who I am. I am not some hyper boy with perfect grades ok? It’s your problem you didn’t see me for who I was. Maybe if you were actually home and didn’t spend more time at work than at your own house! Maybe! Just maybe! You would have actually known how your own son acts!”  
 He was breathing heavily, and he could feel his wolf rising to the surface, pushing harshly against his chest. Asking… Begging for release so he could take over, and Stiles tried his best to keep him down. 

“You don’t mean that.” His dad said pained. The pain. It was so clear. The hurt. He wasn’t even trying to hide it. It was there, all there. Screeching in his ears, warning him that it’s enough. Telling him to stop. But he didn’t. He couldn’t. He was already too angry, his control slipping by the minute, even if he wanted to… Stiles knew he didn’t have the power to stop it. It was already too late.

 Every word of it.” Stiles spat harshly.

“You think I work at these hours because I enjoy them? Because I want to be away from you?” His dad paused. Making sure to look Stiles straight in the eyes.

“There is nothing in this world that is more important to me than you. There is nothing I want more than to spend time with you. To see you grow older, see you grow from a young boy into a man. You think I don’t know you’re going away soon? That ill stay here all alone because you’re going away for college?” His dad sounded so defenseless.  
  
“I’m staying here for college” Stiles wouldn’t look at him. He had to focus. Had to keep the wolf down. He kept clenching and unclenching his fists. Trying his best to just _stay.in.control._  
  
“Like hell you are.” His Dad snapped back. “There is no way I am letting you.” 

“Yeah? You want me gone so badly?” The moment he said it – he regretted it. Because he knew it wasn’t true. But it wasn’t him talking anymore.  
  
“You know very well that’s not what I meant.” He answered him.  
  
“Yeah..? What did you mean then?” Stiles returned bitterly.  
  
“That I want you to have the possibility to do whatever you want in life! And not be tied down and limited because you went to a college in a small town. I don’t want you to end up like…” His dad stopped himself. And Stiles could see him struggle. He could see the inner conflict his father was having with himself.  
  
“You don’t want me what Dad? You don’t want me to end up like _You_?” Stiles snarled.  
  
“I am done with this conversation. I’m going to bed.” His dad said. He sounded so tired. God he sounded so fragile and frail. The light suddenly framing his face, making every wrinkle and crease in his face visible.    
  
“No it’s not. We’re not done talking!”  
  
“I said it’s over so its done Stiles. You and I are both too upset and too tired to be talking about this right now.  
  
“Just say it! Just say what you want to say and get it over with already!!! Just tell me!”  
  
“I have absolutely nothing to tell you.” His dad finally admitted.  
  
“Good night son…” he added softly.  
  
He started making his way towards the door, and that’s when Stiles felt his last bit of nerve slipping away, because before he even realized it he was pushing his father against the living room door.  
  
His dad so shocked, he didn’t even try and fight him. His body felt completely frozen under Stiles touch. His eyes and pulsing heart were the only things that gave away the surprise and astonishment he was feeling.

“I know you’re lying! I can tell” Stiles was screaming in his face. “Tell me.”  
  
His dad didn’t say anything. He closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the door.  
  
“Answer me Dad!” Stiles could see his nails elongate and prickle against his father’s shirt.  
  
Again his Dad said nothing. Just kept his eyes closed, pretending none of this was happening.  
  
“Please.” Stiles finally begged. “Just say something.”  
  
“Could you lighten up the press on the shoulders? Because it’s really starting to bruise and I do have work tomor-“  
  
Stiles let go of his father completely, stepping away from him. Thinking he finally gained back control, only to realize he was so far from anything that had to do with dominance over his wolf.  
  
His claws were ripping his skin apart, and it stung, he felt the urge to tear and slash. He knew his wolf saw his dad as a threat. As a target. So he did the first thing he could think of. He slammed his fist against the wall, leaving a gaping hole there.  
  
“God why the hell are you so forgiving? Do something! Say something! Just say anything! I don’t care what! Even hit me for God’s sake! Just do something!!!  
  
His Dad just let out a heavy sigh and closed his eyes again.

“Look _at me_!!!!!!!”  
  
“Look _AT ME_!!”  
  
“Look at your son! This is who I am! Is this who you want? Is this what you wanted me to be?!” Stiles was growling. He was literally growling the fuck out of his wolf.  
  
“I have no one else…” His dad finally admitted softly.   
  
And that was the moment everything began to sink in. Everything he had said. Everything he had done this evening. What the hell was he thinking?  
His dad is right. He has no one. They have no one. They only have each other. That is all they are left with.  
  
His father loves him. He loves him so freaking much that he is willing to let the most important person in his life leave him so he could have a better future. His father is willing to stay alone. With no one, just so Stiles could accomplish whatever dream he has in life.  
  
His father, after all that Stiles had said and done tonight, after he endangered his own father’s life, his father still didn’t hurt him. He still didn’t do anything to fight back. Because he had enough trust in Stiles to _know_ that he wouldn’t hurt him.  
  
And what did Stiles do? What was all of this even about? This whole stupid fight? Over his dad actually caring? For wanting to know what the hell was wrong with his son? His dad is right. This isn’t who Stiles is. He is not the type of person to stay away from home. Stay out late at night. Yell at his only parent. Hell, that was exactly who Stiles _wasn’t._ He respected no one else in this world more than his dad. So what the hell happened tonight?  
  
The fact that his dad noticed his change of behavior. Even though he works during late hours, and is barely home. That says a lot. It says everything. It proves every single thing his dad has been trying to tell him tonight. And Stiles instead of listening, acted like a total fucking idiot.  
  
How could he do this? His father is right. He has no one. He is the only one. Stiles has no one else.  
  
He felt the hot tears rush down his face and burn his eyes. His legs collapsing under him as he lost the ability to stand up straight. The understanding of what he did finally sinking in. And he felt all the pain and embarrassment hit him hard in the gut like a knife twisting in his chest.

It felt like his whole world was crashing down. He felt a strong tightness clench his chest and then the heavy push of something at his torso, making it impossible to breathe. His vision became blurry and then everything just went dark.  
  
When he opened his eyes again he saw his father kneeling beside him, staring at him with frightened eyes. He felt his father’s tight grip on his face as he heard his father repeating his name again and again.  
  
“Stiles! Stiles! Can you hear me?! Stiles!”  
  
“Dad… I am _so_ sorry” was the first thing he managed to say. His eyes still burning with hot furious tears.  
  
His dad didn’t say anything. He just stared at Stiles, and Stiles felt his fathers grip on his face loosen.

“Wh-Whats wrong?” Stiles slurred. Apart from the obvious…  
  
“Your eyes Stiles…They’re…” His father looked far more astounded than terrified.  
  
“I know…” Stiles admitted. He bit down on his lower lip. Unlike his father Stiles was actually scared shitless of his reaction.  
  
“Is this what? Is this why you were acting… Is this what you couldn’t tell me?” His dad asked stunned.

Stiles nodded. He knew he wouldn’t be able to speak. Not now. Not when he felt the tears in his eyes begin to form again.  
  
His dad wrapped both his arms tightly around Stiles’ body, pulling him in closer to his.  
  
“You should have told me…” His dad whispered.  
  
“Would you have believed me?” Stiles whimpered between sobs.  
  
His dad moved away from Stiles so he could look at his face, and give him the you-know-I-would-have Stilinkski look.  
  
“Fine. I’ll tell you everything…” Stiles sighed. And that made his dad smile a little.  
  
His dad kept looking at him with anticipation, and then realization struck Stiles.  
  
“What you want me to telling you everything _now?”  
  
“_ What do _you_ think?” His dad replied with a cunning smirk.

  
 *******  
  
  **A **pril 12**** **th** **2013**  
  
“YOU TOLD HIM?”  
  
“Did I have a choice Derek?” Stiles returned annoyed.  
  
Derek turned his head away from him.  
  
“What was I supposed to tell him? Hey Dad! This was all just a joke! And you know what? My eyes turning silver and these claws? Nahh… Just special fucking effects! The fact that they are actually sharp enough to punch a hole through the wall is just a bonus!”  
  
He heard Derek bite down a mocking chuckle.  
  
“Derek he’s not stupid! He’s my dad!”  
  
Derek just kept on shaking his head. They both stayed silent. And all Derek did was pace back and forth, between these two stupid trees which Stiles really wished he could just tear the fuck out of the ground, because apparently trees were annoying him now too.

“AND he believed you?” Derek finally let out.  
  
“Yeah…” Stiles answered, just as surprised as Derek was.  
  
“How? What? Why?” He asked, still looking confused as hell.  
  
“I showed him…” Stiles answered quietly.  
  
“You did what?” And there were Derek’s eyes again. Staring at him like freaking laser beams.  
  
“I showed him.” Stiles repeated again. This time more casually, as if it was totally normal for a non Alpha wolf to be able to turn willingly, without needing the full moon.  
  
“ _How_?” Derek stretched out the word. His eyes turning into thin squinty lines of a death glare.  
  
“I turned…” Stiles answered.  
  
“You can control it?” Derek asked taken aback.  
  
“Have been controlling it for a while…” Stiles admitted, “Ever since…” He trailed off.  
  
“Ever since that night” Derek finished the sentence for him, still sounding staggered.  
  
“Yeah...” Stiles nodded and looked down, he felt pink flush spread across his face.

“Were you ever going to tell me?” He asked accusingly, still looking at Stiles. No death glare this time.  
  
“Eventually…Yes.” Stiles told him.  
  
“How did you learn all by yourself?” Derek asked.  
  
“Found an anchor…” Stiles looked at him.  
  
“What is it?” Derek let the question slip out. Stiles could tell he didn’t mean to. He saw Derek’s eyes widen as the realization hit him. Stiles liked the look on Derek. It was different. It wasn’t that every day you got to see Derek with his guard down.  
  
“Is it really fair for you to be asking when you never told me yours?” Stiles looked up at him.  
  
“You’re right…” Derek admitted, “It’s none of my business anyways.”  
  
There was an awkward silence… And leave it to Stiles to break it.  
  
“So…” Stiles said, looking at Derek in the hopes that Derek would actually get that the silence is in fact uncomfortable.  
  
“I should head back to the house…” Derek said.  
  
“Oh…” Stiles said, and he wished the disappointment wasn’t so visible in his voice.   
  
“You could walk with me home…” Derek offered.  
  
“Sure” Stiles answered with a knowing grin.  
  
Stiles walked up to Derek, moving in closely to him, wrapping his hand firmly around Derek’s arm , as they both started to make their way back to the Hale house.  
  
“So did you and you’re dad fix things between you two?” Derek asked Stiles actually sounding concerned.  
  
“Oh yeah… we ended up not going to sleep that night… You know us Stilinksi’s…” Stiles laughed.  
  
“Yeah…” Derek admitted, “Yes I do…”  
  
 *******  
  
“So… we’re almost there…” Stiles said.  
  
“Yes I know…” Derek returned uneasily.  
  
“They’re already here you know…” Derek acknowledged.  
  
“Really? You can already tell?”  
  
“Yeah I can hear their heart beats all the way from here…” Derek sighed like it was a burden.  
  
They both fell silent again.  
  
Stiles finally saw the outline of the Hale house, and it stung. Knowing that they were all there, together, a pack. And he wasn’t one of them. He wasn’t wanted.  
  
They were only a few meters away from the house and Stiles’ heart began pounding against his chest.  
  
“I better go…” Stiles finally willed himself to say.  
  
“You could stay…” Derek offered, looking at him with anticipation.

“What?” Stiles barked out baffled, “It’s a pack meeting… I’m not…I don’t… I won’t sub… I wouldn’t want to interfere…” He finally said.  
  
“They already know you’re here… And besides this isn’t me trying to force you to join the pack again… This will be you Stiles sitting in a pack meeting as Stiles and nothing else.”  
  
“Ok?” Derek asked.  
  
“Yeah…” Stiles nodded a small smile spreading across his face.  
  
“Well go on then… They’re waiting for you…” Derek pushed Stiles a little towards the entrance, encouraging him to enter the house.  
  
Stiles walked through the door and turned the corner into the living room. He hadn’t been there ever since his turn. He felt a wave of heat take over his body as all the people in the room turned to look at him.  
  
They were all there. Scott, Erica, Alison, Isaac and Jackson. Suddenly a silence fell over the room.  
  
“Long time no see Stilinksi…”Erica smirked, and thank God for that girl because Stiles doesn’t know what he would have done without her.  
  
“Don’t stand there too long now.” She patted the empty seat next to her.   
  
Stiles moved passed Jackson ignoring the evil glare he was getting, only to pass by Scott who gave him a fist pump, and then he sat down next to Erica.  
  
He finally felt like he was surrounded by his friends. His people. It felt like some sort of hole inside of him was finally filled. Like he could finally take in a breath and not worry that something totally fucked up was going to happen.  
  
Yes. Stiles finally felt like it was right. Like he fit in.  
  
But deep down inside, there was one thought that he kept trying to shove back down from wherever the hell it came from, because the only thing he could actually think about, was the way Derek let go of his hand the second he went inside the house, and the lingering trace and burn Dereks’ fingers left against his skin. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TBC ;)


	10. Jeremy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guysss its November 14th!!! :D

**April 27th 2013:**  
  
Stiles sat down next to Scott knocking his lunch tray a little too harshly against the table.  
  
“What’s up with you Mr. Growly pants?” Erica asked, a smile spreading across her face.  
  
“Stupid Harris gave me detention again. God that teacher hates me so much.”  
  
“Well maybe if you actually listened in his class and not spend all your time talking to people and interrupting him… Maybe… Just maybe… he might actually cut you some slack.” Scott sighed, like it was actually _that_ simple.  
  
“Ok you know what!? Isaac was there! Tell them! I wasn’t even talking and he just started picking on me.”  
  
“It’s true…” Isaac admitted, “He made him read the whole chapter out loud and he didn’t even talk… _once_.”  
  
“Stiles Stilinski not speaking a word during class? What has our world come to?” Erica snapped back, glaring at Isaac like he’s a total idiot.    
  
“So…” Stiles started, trying to sound as innocent as possible. “You guys haven’t had a pack meeting in a long time… or was I just not invited?”  
  
“Oh no we haven’t had pack meetings in a while… You know since Jeremy is in town and-“ Isaac stopped talking the second Erica elbowed him in the stomach.  
Way to be discrete about it…  
  
“Jeremy?” Stiles questioned.  
  
“Urgh Isaac you’re such an idiot!!!!” Erica growled.  
  
“Hey don’t be mean to him! He didn’t know Derek didn’t want us to say anything to Stiles.” Scott flashed a small smile towards Isaac. And Erica just slammed her head against the table, giving up completely.  
  
“Ok stop with the weird flirting and tell me who the hell is Jeremy? And _Scott.”_  Stiles moved around in his seat so he could glare directly at him “Since when do actually listen to what Derek says _and_ more importantly keep things from me?!”   
  
“Dude this is different… I’m sorry.” He looked down at his lunch tray swiveling his fork in his mash potatoes.  
  
“Erica… please just tell me what the hell is going on.” Stiles begged. She was his only hope.  
  
“Or what?” She challenged.  
  
“Or I’ll go to Derek right now and see who the hell this Jeremy guy is for myself!” He snarled back at her.  
  
“Fine… _bitch._ ” she whispered under her breath.  
  
“I heard that mean ass!” Stiles hissed back at her.  
  
“What are we in 7th grade again? Stop acting like little kids and just tell him already.” Isaac complained.  
  
“Fine. But if Derek asks I’m not the one who told him this.”  
  
“Fine!” The three of them answered her in unison.  
  
“Ok… So basically Jeremy is an old friend of Derek. They’ve know each other way back. They met in New York and stuff. He’s also a werewolf… He belongs to some pack located somewhere in New Jersey or something like that… Point is.” She took in a deep breath and glared at Stiles, “He’s here and Derek doesn’t want you two to meet. And we hadn’t had a pack meeting since he came here so calm your panties and stop over reacting.”  
  
“What? Why doesn’t he want me to meet him? And I am not over reacting.” Stiles growled at her.  
  
“Dude you kinda are… chill none of us have met him yet. He just asked for _you_ to specifically not meet him.” Scott added.  
  
“Ok how am I not supposed to take offence from that?” He placed both his elbows on the tables in front of him and cradled his face between his hands.  

  
“You guys are so mean. I hate you all.” He finally croaked.  
  
“We love you too Stiles.” Isaac laughed.  
  
***  
 **  
May 1 st 2013  
  
**“Today we’re going to be doing a lab experiment so divide yourselves into groups of four.” Ms. Carrolton reminded the class.  
  
Stiles didn’t even have times to finish packing his things before he realized Scott, Allison and Erica were all staring at him with cunning smiles.  
  
“Lab partners?” He sighed in defeat. They all smiled back at him in return.  
  
“Scott go get the trays with the chemicals and Erica go get the thermometer, flask and two petri dishes.”  They both grumbled at him but did it anyways.  
  
Allison just sat there in front of him and stared at him for a few seconds. And Stiles could tell she was contemplating whether she should say something or not.  
  
“Well…? Are you gonna tell me what’s going on or are you just gonna keep staring at me? Cause I know I’m really cute and all, but I’m not sure Scott would be too happy if I steal his girlfriend.” He smiled at her.  
  
She grinned back at him, blush forming at her cheeks, “Have you met him?”  
  
“Met who?” Stiles looked at her confused.  
  
“Jeremy… I think you would really like him. He’s so nice and funny. Kind of reminds me of you.” She looked down at her notebook hiding away the reddening blush forming on her face.  
  
“You met him?!!?” Stiles cried out. Because what the _hell_?!?!?!?  
  
“Allison!!!!” Both Scott and Erica hissed at her.  
  
“Shut up. All of you just shut up. Why the hell does she get to meet him and not me?!” Stiles demanded, seriously upset.  
  
“It wasn’t really planned but we all ended up at Derek’s house on Sunday and Jeremy was there… So Derek introduced us and we talked. It’s not like he could have kept him hidden from us forever…” Scott explained to him.  
  
“Well… If I don’t get to meet him can you at least tell me what he’s like?” Stiles asked a little disappointed. Because God he wanted to meet this guy.  
  
“He’s really hot!” Erica blurted out excitedly. And Stiles couldn’t help but feel a spike of jealousy travel across his chest.  
  
“And he’s smart and friendly…” Scott added nodding his head.  
  
“I just don’t understand why he wouldn’t want me to meet him…” ok so what if he was pouting now! He was upset.  
  
“Look Stiles you chose to not submit to Derek right? You chose not to be part of the pack even though Derek offered you…So that kind of makes you a lone wolf and some werewolves don’t accept that or take that lightly. So maybe Derek is just trying to protect you… you know?”  
  
“Fine.” Stiles said with a scowl.  
  
“I still hate you all by the way. And just because you’re all mean to me. I’m not doing the lab write up.” He declared.  
  
***  
  
 **May 6 th 2013  
  
**Stiles was at lacrosse practice, sitting on the bench, his cell phone clutched in his hand for the past fifteen minutes, while he waited to decide how stupid the thing he was about to do really was.  
He now knew that the whole freaking pack met this Jeremy dude, _even Jackson_. Which made Stiles even more mad. _Really Derek? Really_? You let him meet Jackson but not me?!  
  
Fine to hell with it. Coach won’t even look at him. The chances of him actually getting to go on the field and play an actual game of lacrosse are at a never going to happen and in your dreams, so he might as well get this over with.  
  
 **To Derek** : _Derr Bear you there?  
_ Stiles quickly pressed send before he could regret any of this. _And_ he was really starting to like the new nickname he made up for Derek.  
  
 **From Derek:** _What do you want Stiles?  
_ Yay the mission was going according to plan.  
  
 **To Derek:** _Wow. I’m actually surprised you know how to use technology. And just because you didn’t comment anything about the whole “Derr Bear” thing… Can I keep calling you that? ;) **  
**_ **  
From Derek:** _Stiles. You’re wasting my time. **  
**_And he could just hear the growl in his voice. The “Stiles” which actually meant “shut up you’re annoying me so get to the point.”  
 **  
To Derek:** _Why won’t you let me meet Jeremy?_  
 **  
From Derek:** _How do you know about Jeremy?  
_ **  
To Derek:** _Let’s just say a little bird told me.  
_ **  
From Derek:** _Tell me who the little bird is and I wil.kill.it.  
_ **  
To Derek:** _Ooooh Derek it’s not even close to the time of the month and you’re already so angry? ;)  
_ **  
From Derek:** _???  
_ **  
To Derek:** _Don’t ??? at me. Why don’t you want me to meet him?  
_ **  
From Derek:** _That’s none of your business.  
_ **  
To Derek:** _How is it none of my business!?  Derek do you even realize how mean that is of you?_ **  
  
From Derek:** _No.  
_ **  
To Derek:** _I am tired of everyone talking about him and telling me how great he is and I don’t even know the guy… because someone… ahem ahem YOU! Won’t let me meet him.  
_  
 **From Derek:** _So you’re jealous.  
_ **  
To Derek:** _What? No… I never said that.  
_  
 **From Derek:** _I can tell you’re lying.  
_ **  
To Derek:** _No you can’t. You can’t tell if I’m lying through the phone! Or can you? :O  
_  
 **From Derek:** _So you’re not denying the fact that you are lying?  
  
“_ Stiles??? Let’s go practice is over!” Scott yelled at him, already making his way up the field towards the locker rooms.  
  
“Coming!”  Stiles yelled back at him.  
 **  
To Derek:** _Look I have to go. But we will continue this conversation later. Got that?  
  
_ **From Derek:** _Not if I say we won’t. Bye.  
_ **  
To Derek:** _Byeeee Derr Bear <3  
_  
“Stiles!” Scott grumbled.  
  
“What?!” Stiles sneered back.  
  
“You are not seriously still moping over that Jeremy dude are you?”  
  
“What? Me? Pfffttt no… Omg Yes! Is it that obvious?” Stiles frowned.

“Look Stiles I understand where Derek is coming from about the whole you not meeting Jeremy. It’s just what Derek wants and you should respect him and just do what he asks. Don’t take it too harshly… seriously man this is affecting you way more than it should…” Scott insisted.   
  
“Yeah… I guess you’re right… Thanks man.” Stiles sighed.  
  
“No probs… Talk to you later?”  
  
“Definetly.” Stiles smiled at him, waving goodbye making sure Scott went into the locker rooms.    
  
Yeah. Scott was right. _Scott was so right?_ Who the hell thought Stiles would ever be saying that? Whatever… point is Scott was actually correct for once in his life. He wasn’t pack. He _chose_ not to be pack. And as someone who is not a member of the pack, he has the right to _not_ follow Derek’s orders… right? Yeah… totally right!  
  
So that’s why instead of driving straight home, he took the next turn that leads to Derek’s house.  
  
When he finally reached the Hale property he made sure to be loud as fucking possible. He parked his car only meters away from the actual house and made sure to slam his jeep doors extra hard just to make sure no one missed his arrival.  
  
Seriously he had enough. Jeremy this and Jeremy that. Jeremy is so great and so funny, plus he’s gorgeous. Well. If you all like Jeremy so much why don’t you go and kiss his ass, or wipe his it for him, because the truth is, he’s got them all wrapped around his little finger.   
Stiles doesn’t even know this guy but he already wants to crack his neck. And really… _reallyyy…?_ Since when has he gotten so violent?!  
  
He made it up the broken rotten wooden stairs that lead to the front door of Derek’s house. He made sure he took extra rigid steps, so each stair would make an extra squeaky noise, when suddenly Isaac appeared looking like Stiles has just caught him in the middle of a murders act.  
  
“Hi Isaac.” Stiles smiled, as if the fact that he wasn’t supposed to be here wasn’t clear as fuck.  
  
“Wh-what are you doing here Stiles?” Isaac stuttered. He tried his best to sound calm. But his heart was beating so erratically and his eyes just seemed terrified.  
  
“Just… um… needed to talk to Derek… about… something…” Stiles said hastily, _smooth Stiles… Realllll smooth_. He looked down, fiddling with his shirts’ long sleeves ever so casually, as if he couldn’t tell Isaac was in the state of nearly having a stroke.  
  
“You shouldn’t be here.” Isaac whispered. Aww poor thing. Really this is what Stiles loved about Isaac. He was so innocent and so trusting. He was the type of person who would never ever not do as Derek asks of him. And Stiles understands it. He understands why Derek’s loyalty and trust in him is so important to him. Because really… Isaac has no one else apart from Derek. After his dad was taken away, Derek practically became Isaacs’ guardian.  
  
“And why is that?” Stiles starred at him suspiciously. He could tell this was making Isaac uncomfortable. Like he was being forced to choose between sides, he obviously made his choice already.  
  
“Stiles you know exactly why… Please don’t do this. Just go. Leave… come back when it’s safe for you to be here.” Isaac sounded so strained. Like the thought of Stiles going against Derek’s wishes actually petrified him.  
  
“Why don’t you just let me pass through?” Stiles suggested nicely. _Nicely_.  
  
“I can’t do that…” He looked away from Stiles ashamed.  
  
“Isaac I really don’t want to force you to move. You know how easily I lose control, and I really don’t want to hurt you…” he admitted, just the hint of a threat in his voice.  
  
“Stiles…” Isaac pleaded.  
  
“Just _move_.” Stiles growled, full on Alpha voice and everything. It wasn’t like he was asking. It was a statement. A command. And he knew Isaac would do as he asked.  
  
Isaac whined and stepped away from the door.  
  
“Just so you know… I hate you so much right now…” Isaac looked at him with a pout.  
  
“Love you too buddy.” Stiles smiled back at him.  
  
When he walked into the house Isaac stayed close behind him. He could hear voices coming from the near by room. One of them ruff and strong, sounding even a little cocky at times… That voice obviously belonged to Derek. Stiles couldn’t help but smirk at the thought.  
But the other voice with him. It was different, Stiles didn’t recognize it, but he felt like the voice was trying to hide something. Because when you first listened to it you hear joy and happiness, it was the voice of a man that sounded so carefree and lighthearted. But when you listened closely… It you truly listened, once you peeled off all the layers and walls behind that voice you could hear it. The pitiful and almost unnoticeable presence of pure misery and grief.  
  
Before Stiles could dwell too long on his thoughts he saw Derek come out of the kitchen and beside him a tall light skinned man. His hair was dark black, very similar to Dereks’, his shoulders broad, the muscles that sculpted his arms very defined, and the way he carried himself around the room reminded Stiles of no other than Lydia Martin. Like the man knew exactly how good looking he was and he wasn’t going to take shit from anybody. His lips were curved up into a smile, dimples on both ends of his mouth, wrinkles framed his eyes and his cheeks were plum red. But what stood out the most to Stiles were his eyes – his rich dark brown eyes. They looked up at Stiles, suddenly realizing they were not alone, and then Stiles saw the same similar traces he heard in the mans voice, the grief and the sorrow.  
  
Standing closely to him, _not to Stiles liking_ , was Derek in his full Greek God glory. _Damn the bastard_. Cause really there was no way Derek didn’t know the kind of effect he had on Stiles, but even if he did know… He didn’t use it against him... _yeah yeah didn’t use it against him my ass_.  
  
Stiles couldn’t help gape at the sight of him. Not because he’s gorgeous and Stiles couldn’t contain himself… Seriously… you gotta give him more credit than that. He’s not _that_ desperate… fine maybe he is… But that’s not the point.  
The point is that Derek Mcsourwolf Hale was actually laughing. _LAUGHING_. What the actual fuck? God. And he looked so damn beautiful…  Derek Hale needs to laugh or smile like everyday. For the rest of his life. Stiles has had enough with the scowls and the frowns. He was all about that smile.  
  
But then… of course! Because God forbid Stiles actually enjoys himself…Derek tensed before him… And his smile quickly changed into a thin press of lips that could definitely be considered related to one of his famous scowls.  
  
Do not smirk. Do not smirk. Stiles Stilinski get a hold of yourself. Do.Not.  
Nope no showing affection here. Its Stiles turn to play the bad ass emotionally constipated werewolf.  
  
“Stiles?” Derek asked alarmed.  
  
Do not answer. No.Answering. Glare Stiles. _Glare_.  
Oh and Stiles could glare alright. Heck he has gotten his fair share of glares from Derek. He has now mastered the skills of glaring, he could freaking write a book about it, and he was going to use that skill against the one person who taught him to do so.  
How do you like me now sourwolf?!  
  
Derek looked at him, confusion clear across his face. And he looked _pissed.  
  
_ “ _What the hell are you doing here?!”_ Surprised wide eyes. _  
  
“It’s nice to see you too Derr Bear.”_ Smirk. _  
  
“Don’t call me that.”_ Growl. _  
  
_Death glare. Death glare. Death glare. Followed by Stiles raising one of his eyebrows in challenge. _  
  
“What the hell is he doing here?”  
  
“Stiles answer the question.” _ Derek Hale is not amused look. _  
  
“Can’t you tell? I’m not really a big fan of following orders.”  
  
_ Oh yeah… They were totally having a silent conversation between the two of them.  
  
“Well aren’t you going to introduce me?” Jeremy asked. The same overly happy voice ringing in Stiles’ ears. God he was really starting to dislike this guy.  
  
“Stiles this is Jeremy… He’s…-“  
  
“An old friend” Jeremy interrupted, a sly smile spreading across his face. As if “old friend” was code for fuck buddies or something. And Stiles hated it. He hated him. He didn’t even know him, but he could just feel this nauseas feeling in the pit of his stomach telling him to run away from this creep as fast as he can. His smile reminded him of Peter. And there was something off about the way he looked at Derek. Something almost sickening about the way he stood so close to him, the way there bodies touched and the way Derek almost leaned into him.  
  
It sent an infuriating shudder down his spine. And all he wanted to do was push Derek to the nearest wall, latch his teeth to his throat with as much force as he can, and yell at him “ _MINE_.”  
  
“I’ve heard a lot about you Stiles… It’s nice to finally meet you.” Jeremy Creeperson said. His voice sent shivers down Stiles’ body. And his eyes kept hovering over Stiles’ like he was some kind of little puppy at a pet store.  
  
“Wish I could say the same.” Stiles muttered through gritted teeth. He wasn’t going to pretend to like this guy. Nope.  
  
“Well that’s too bad…Because I wont be going anywhere for a while.” He smiled again exposing his fangs, “and you’re just going to have to get used to it.”  
  
This asshole was actually trying to intimidate Stiles? The fuck? He comes to his territory, well actually Dereks’ but that doesn’t matter, because Beacon Hills is still his home town… He interferes with his pack, well urm actually that’s also Derek’s but… you get the point… He has his hands all of his man/wolf, werewolf….And now he’s fucking growling in his face? What was he trying to do? Scare him? Hell no. Not today.  
It just made Stiles angrier, made his urge to punch this guy in the face shoot up to about a trillion. He wanted to sink his teeth in his throat and feel the tear of skin across his gums. He wanted to feel his blood slither slowly against his lips and listen to the last beat of his heart.  
  
God. He chose the wrong day to fuck with Stiles Stilinksi.  
  
Stiles let out a piercing growl, fangs ripping through his gums, as his eyes turned a frightening shade of silver.  
  
“Say that again… And I won’t have the opportunity to get used to anything.” Stiles spat out. And really… This was so unlike him. He usually enjoyed being smug and sarcastic about things… But with this guy his patience level was at about a negative twenty.  
  
“Your eyes! They’re… silver…?” Jeremy Creeperson said mesmerized. His eyes opening wide with fascination. Ha! He wasn’t expecting that was he?  
  
“Really I didn’t know…” Stiles flashed his eyes at him with tediousness. Oh yeah Creeperson was definitely regretting being a jackass now.  
  
“I’ve never… I only heard about them…I wouldn’t have… You know what this mea-”  
  
“Don’t.” Derek growled at Creeperson. And Stiles didn’t realize it but suddenly Derek was standing right by his side, his body acting like a shield, separating him from Creeperson. And at that moment Stiles knew something was wrong…Something had to be seriously fucked up to make Derek behave this way.  
  
Creeperson looked so transfixed, looking at Stiles like he was seeing him in a whole new light. And it made Stiles feel even more uncomfortable. Like this guy actually wanted to eat him.  
  
“Stiles… look at me.” Derek placed both his hands around Stiles’ face gripping him tightly, forcing him to look into his eyes. And Stiles could see it. Something was wrong… something was so deadly wrong, because the look in Derek’s eyes could only be described as horrified.  
  
“Please…don’t listen to him.” He begged.  
  
“You mean he doesn’t know?” Jeremy raised an eyebrow at Derek. His face turning too amused for Stiles own liking.  
  
Dereks’ face just turned pale. The color from his face completely draining and Stiles’ is sure he saw the flash of red in his eyes.  
  
“Doesn’t know what?!” Stiles demanded. He realized Derek had been keeping something from him. That this must be what Derek feared.  
  
“Oh la la…“ Jeremy purred in pure enjoyment, “It looks like my stay here has just gotten a lot more interesting.” He winked at Stiles.  
  
And all Stiles could think of was thrashing that fucking smirk off his face. With his nails. His sharp and razor edged elongated nails. Because hell no.  
  
 _Hell. No.  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really really really hope you guys like this chapter because it took me ages to write :(


	11. A Tangled Web

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys! I dont even know how or when i wrote this... I just had three weeks of exams and my fingers ache and my brain is fried... But I still managed to get this chapter done! And i am damn proud of myself for that... :P  
> So Im sorry for the long wait...  
> I just have to warn people before they read there is violence in this chapter... More than usual... But you guys asked for it... So as an apology for how late this is I did write in what many of you asked, you'll get it once you actually get to that specific part...  
> Ok i am done with my rant now... You can start reading... <3

**May 6 th 2013**  
  
“You knew and you didn’t tell me?”  
  
“Stiles I…”  
  
“Isaac I think it’s best if you leave now sweetheart…” Jeremy smiled wryly.  
  
Stiles didn’t have to look up at Isaac to know flush was spreading across his face, bright pink rising to the apples of his cheeks, as he turned around and left the three of them alone. And what the fuck was that?! _Sweetheart?_  
  
“You lied to me? All this time you knew and you didn’t tell me?” Stiles gasped out as the realization finally hit him. And it hit him hard. And it hurt. Because how could Derek not tell him. After everything how could he not tell him?!  
  
“I didn’t know at first when you turned I had no idea…” Derek insisted, “I heard theories and myths about it… But I never thought…” Stiles has never seen him like this. Caught off guard, and in any other circumstance Stiles would have enjoyed every minute of it. But the guilt in his eyes ruined it for Stiles, and it just made him hurt even more.

“Just tell me now… What is it?” Stiles said, his jaw slammed shut, lips pursed into a thin line that Derek will know very well means only one thing – he has fucked up. Big Time.  
  
“Stiles… I…” Derek gulped, like trying to explain the reason to why Stiles is the way he is, is physically hurting him.  
  
“Just tell me Derek!” Stiles snarled. Because he was done. He was done with being patient and considerate and forgiving. He has to deal with everyone’s shit, and no one is even honest with him. So no matter how difficult it is for Derek. He can suck it up and deal with it. He has to deal with this.  
  
“It’s… you…the wolf…” Derek stammered, he didn’t know where to start. There is no excuse for what he did, and there was no way he was getting out of this now.  
  
“Oh for the love of God! He has turned you into a complete ball of mush!” Jeremy practically whined. Smacking a hand across his face and shaking his head in uncontained disappointed.  
  
“Will someone just please tell me what the _hell_ is going on because I swear to God if no one starts explaining soon why the fuck my eyes glow silver I will walk out of this house and never step foot in it again.” He growled. He fucking growled. And Stiles knew Derek could tell what it meant, because Derek can always tell what Stiles is feeling. And it was a mix of confusion and frustration and just… just plain despair.  
  
“Fine…” Jeremy let out a loud sigh. “Listen carefully because I’m about to bring out the whole werewolf historical crap and I promise you that I have absolutely no joy in doing so.”  
  
The only response Stiles could offer was staring blankly at Jeremy, and avoiding Derek’s gaze at all cost. And he could feel, feel him looking at him, feel him worrying, his heart beating loudly, showing Stiles that he is scared and vulnerable… after all this time.  
  
“Lycanthropy is the result of a very unique mix which is based off of the supernatural and biology. What happens to one werewolf when he is turned may not necessarily occur to the other, it’s just a matter of Science and Biology, the effects of the werewolf gene varies between humans… It all depends on their purpose within the pack.  
However, silver eyed werewolves trace back to the first ever turned werewolf to walk this planet. The first werewolf to ever be created was called Lycaon, therefore comes the name Lycanthropy....  
Lycaon was born human, then he did something terrible that upset the gods, the gods got really pissed… blah blah blah… yada yada yada… the result of it all was him being punished. The punishment was a curse, a curse which meant that under every full moon Lycaon would turn into a mindless monster that would never be able to shape shift willingly. Meaning that during a single night every month, Lycaon would completely lose control over his body and his mind, and would be taken over by a savage beast who could hurt, torture, and even kill, and Lycaon would be unable to do anything about it…”Jeremy stopped to take in another deep breath, and he looked at Stiles to see if he was still following everything he’s saying. And Stiles could just tell he was enjoying this too much.  
  
Stiles made a hand gesture that signaled for him to continue.  
And that creep just smiled back.  
  
“The unique thing about Lycaon was that he was a white werewolf with silver eyes. All pure born werewolves in some way trace back to Lycaon. He is like the Adam and Eve of werewolves… The thing is all werewolves born or turned have usually yellow or blue eyes. The ones with the blue eyes are the second in command to the Alpha; they’re supposed to lead the pack, if and when the Alpha is not able to do so. The yellow eyes symbolize loyalty to the Alpha and the pack, their job is to serve the Alpha and increase its strength.  
And then lastly there’s the Alpha, eye color obviously red, symbolizing leadership, strength, authority... whatever you want to call it.  
And you see Stiles that’s where you come in… Silver… Silver doesn’t fit into any of those categories… And that is because it is believed that only werewolves whose blood line is purely related to Lycaon himself will carry the distinctive and unmistakable eye color of the silver trait.  
The reason behind it? You may ask… The silver eye color is made to be so unique and different from other wolves, so werewolves all around the world would know, no matter where you are, what language you speak, or how old, they would know your place in the werewolf hierarchy.”  
  
“What does it mean?” Stiles interrupted him, his patience clearly running short, he could already feel the prickle of his claws against his forearm, as he pressed firmly against his arm to try and keep his wolf under control... Because the anger inside him was eating him up.  
  
“Ahh! You see this is the part where things get interesting… Because there are only two reasons to why werewolves are born with silver eyes. The first as I said before, is when you are blood related to Lycaon himself…”  
  
“Which isn’t possible or an option in my case, since I’m not a born werewolf…” Stiles supplied, his voice thickly laced with an undertone of a growl. The more Jeremy talked, the more he felt the need to tear his face apart.

“Right…” Jeremy smiled. Clearly impressed with Stiles observation and his ability to keep up with the over load of shit he’s been feeding him.  
  
“And the second” Jeremy continued, “Is when a human is destined to be turned by the Alpha himself, only to be made into the Alpha’s biggest threat.”

“I don’t understand…” Stiles muttered. _Because what the actual fuck_?  
  
“Silver eyed werewolves are made by the Alpha and their role in the pack is to challenge the Alpha’s authority over the pack. The silver eyed wolf will never submit to the Alpha. And it has nothing to do with pride or what you want, and that is because the reason behind your existence is to either kill the Alpha or take over take the Alpha’s authority within the pack.”  
  
“What?!?!” Stiles gaped at Jeremy, utterly astounded. And that ass Jeremy was just smiling, completely pleased with himself, as if he had begged God every day to royally fuck up Stiles life, and now for the first time God has finally listened to his prayers and everything is coming true.  
  
“I would never do that…I never felt the need to…” Stiles swallowed harshly, it felt like there was a lump stuck in his throat and he was slowly suffocating. Panic attack. And no. This can’t happen. Not now. Not in front of them. He has to be strong, he has to show strength. He will not break in front of them.  
  
“But you already have… the moment you decided not to become part of Derek’s pack, you’ve made your choice… actually it was already made for you…”  
  
“Derek…?” Stiles couldn’t take it anymore. He needed to look at him… to see him. To see the look in Derek’s eyes that would tell him what he really thought of him. But all Derek did was look anywhere but Stiles.  
  
“But that’s not all…” Creeperson continued. And Stiles is so fucking proud of himself, because honestly this nickname fits him perfectly, “you see that’s what’s so complicated about this situation. Because you don’t want. You. Stiles. But you will always have this urge buried deep inside you to take over, you will feel like the pack belongs to you, you will always disagree and fight, and feel the need to take, and make your own, because you have the authority of an Alpha. Just because your eyes don’t glow red doesn’t change anything about who you are, but the silver… It’s in your blood, it’s unpreventable, and it can’t be taken away… It is simply your nature.”  
  
“I don’t actually see any difficulty in that…” Stiles pointed out, feeling suddenly the grip of control slipping back in, instantly feeling safe and stronger.  
  
“Your right that is… until the part where your Derek’s mate comes along.”  
  
“Wait _WHAT?_ Mates?!” Stiles shot a furious look at Derek, “Are you fucking kidding me right now?!”  
  
“Jeremy…” Derek threatened with a growl.  
  
“Whoops… did you not tell him that either?” Creeperson grinned slyly.  
  
They stood there in silence for a few short seconds. Stiles could distinctly hear the loud angry and violent thundering of his heart. And Derek couldn’t bare to look at him. And good. _Good._ Because he has no right. He has not right to even do as much as move his eyes to even merely glance towards him.  
  
“Point is Stiles… as part of your destiny you and Derek will always be tied together. Your duty as the Alpha’s mate is to lead beside him and guide the pack… And the Alpha’s mates’ power will be almost as strong as the Alpha’s but never quite as strong. And I know they all say the Alpha’s mate needs to be as strong and powerful as the Alpha himself because he needs to be a probable match. But let’s face it…its all bullshit.  
We’re animals and as animals, no matter what they say, no matter if it’s your mate, a member of your pack, or your own son…no one can be seen as a threat by the Alpha. Because once you’re seen as a threat, the Alpha’s only impulse is based on simple instinct… _Kill_.”  
  
 _kill._  
  
Kill.  
  
KILL.  
  
The word kept repeating in his head. And then suddenly… fear struck him. And at that very moment he understood. He understood so very clearly where he and Derek stand. He clenched his fists tightly at his sides, his nails digging sharply into his skin, he felt thick metallic taste in his mouth, and before he even realized it, he was rushing out the door of the Hale House, feeling Derek’s presence close behind him.  
  
Stiles made sure they were far enough from the house; he made sure he couldn’t hear the demented heart beat of that fucking idiot, Jeremy; he made sure they were completely alone. And when that moment came he couldn’t help but completely break down.  
  
“YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME!!!” He screamed, and it wasn’t even furious, it was thick with pain and ache and hurt.    
  
“You should have told me.” He repeated again, out of breath, the burn in his lungs getting tighter, pushing his fists against Derek chest. His stupid firm chest. And God why? Why does he have to be so beautiful?!  
  
“You should have…” He whispered quietly, letting the words die out, as he clenched the thin fabric of Derek’s shirt between his finger tips.  
  
Derek moved his hands up and placed them against Stiles’ fists. He slowly began stroking his fingers along Stiles arms but Stiles pushed him away.  
  
“Don’t touch me.” He spitted out. And Stiles could see Derek’s eyes widen in surprise but he didn’t care. He’s had enough of these stupid mind games they kept playing.  
  
Stiles took a few steps backwards… he wanted to leave some space between them. He needed to concentrate, and he couldn’t have Derek distracting him with being well…Derek…  
  
“Stiles… Just…” Derek took a step closer, but given the look on Stiles face, he understood he should damn well keep his distance so he took two steps back.  
  
“Just your emotions… They’re everywhere and too strong… and I can’t tell… I don’t know if…What are you thinking?” Derek whispered knowing Stiles could hear him despite the fact.  
  
You‘re just like Kate.”  Stiles muttered his voice sounding stone cold. And that was definitely _not_ what Derek was expecting.  
  
“Don’t.” Derek barked out, his eyes turning crimson red, not in so much as anger, but more in pain and shock.  
  
“No really you are.” Stiles insisted, knowing that out of all the things he has ever told Derek… Comparing him to the one person who hurt him the most, who killed his family by using him and burning down his house… nothing can be more painful then that.  
  
 “You lied to me just like she did to you. And you did it because you were scared. You were scared because you’re scared of me…” He couldn’t help but let out a fuming chuckle, because if he thinks back to a few months ago… Never in his right mind would he ever think he would ever get to say that Derek Hale is scared… of _him_.  
  
He swiped his thumb at the corner of his lips, tilting his head slightly “Just like she was afraid of you and what you are. And you, like her, manipulate and twist things I say around to make it look like I’m some pathetic boy who has a crush on a guy he has no chance with. So you know what…?”  
  
“Stiles stop...” Derek ordered, his eyes burning a stronger red then before.  
  
“No. You know what? You’re so much worse than her! Because everything Kate did was planned to a T. Everything and every step she made… there was a purpose behind it. She didn’t lie to herself. She knew the reason behind every single thing she did.” And he was shaking now, boiling with rage, that a woman so mentally fucked up could have actually treated him better than the man standing before him.  
“At least Kate didn’t deny the fact she was with you. She didn’t pretend you guys weren’t doing what you were doing. She didn’t act like nothing was happening between you two. But you! You! _God Derek_! We had sex Derek, my fucking first time, and it may not seem like a big deal to you, but it is to me.”  
And he had to stop… He had to breathe, because it didn’t matter if he sounded like a fifteen year old girl who lost her virginity… It meant something to Stiles, and despite what people might have thought, Stiles did save his virginity for a reason. He wanted it to be special, and he wanted it to mean something. He didn’t want to just get it over with. And the thing that hurt the most was him blaming himself for being so stupid… For actually thinking… For believing… That Derek actually had feelings for him.  
Derek says he wasn’t in control that night… Well Stiles doesn’t get that type of privilege; to lie to himself. Because he could have stopped Derek at any given moment. But he didn’t. He _chose_ not to. Because he wanted it to be him.  He actually thought that sex would change something in Derek… Would make him see Stiles for who he truly is…  
It turns out he was just being stupid.   
  
 “And at least _she_ gave you the courtesy to do it again or actually talk to you about it. I didn’t even get that opportunity. You said it was a mistake. _A fucking mistake”_ His voice was shaking, like he was on the verge of tears… And he hated how little and vulnerable he sounded, but hating himself for it wouldn’t change anything now.  
“And then you _left me_ all by myself afterwards. Do you know what that feels like?! Can you even _imagine_ how that made me feel?”  
  
“So you want to know how I feel. That’s exactly how I feel…I am disgusted with myself for what we did. Because all you’ve made me feel is used and replaceable.”  
  
Derek couldn’t hide the shock, which was clearly evident on his face. His heart beating erratically in Stiles ears, and while it usually calms him down, knowing that something is actually very wrong in this situation, does exactly the opposite, it just makes him more upset.  
  
Derek still looked at him, straight in the eyes, after all he’s told him, he wasn’t scared of ashamed. “Stiles the only reason I didn’t tell you is because I want to keep you safe… I ca- ”  
  
“Don’t you dare tell me that you care. You do not get to say that. After all this time you do not get to use that as an excuse. Out of all the things in this world that you could use against me. Do not use my feelings to hurt me Derek.”  
  
“You have no idea what you’re talking about…” Derek snarled, finally showing his anger.  
  
“No, I know exactly what I’m talking about. Because I am so done with all your bullshit. You are doing to me exactly what she did to you.” Stiles paused. He took in a deep breath and stepped closer to Derek. He wasn’t afraid of him anymore. The worst he could do to him has already been done.  
  
“ _You_ should have told me… _You_ should have been the one to tell me all of this…” Stiles shuddered, a low cry escaping his lips.  
  
“Stiles I couldn’t tell you! I needed to keep you safe.” Derek demanded. He wanted to close the distance between them, and Stiles knows what he’s feeling. He knows what its like to want it. It’s this urge to feel the warmth and skin of another because it gives you comfort and makes you feel safe.  
  
 “You keep lying to yourself saying the things you do is to keep me safe but you know what? You want to hear the truth? You won’t let me move on because every time it seems like I do you pull me back in because you are fucking terrified of seeing me happy with someone else.” Stiles shouted angrily, the bitterness think and heavy across his voice. His whole body was heaving, he felt heat radiant across his skin, and it didn’t have to do anything with werewolf biology. It was just anger, so much anger boiled inside of him, and he just needed release.  
  
“Tisk tisk tisk…”Both Derek and Stiles turned there heads to see Jeremy leaning against a tree looking at his nails as if he couldn’t give a damn about the world.  
And when the fuck did he actually get there?!  
  
Jeremy let out a loud sigh “Derr Bear he is really not worth all of this…”  
  
And _fuck no_. And you would think that Jeremy telling Stiles he’s not worthy enough for Derek would insult him. But the little fuck Stiles gave about what that Creepy Ass Jeremy thought could be compared to the number of times Stiles wanted to suck Jacksons dick… which is _none_. The thing that actually made him cross that fucking fine line between sanity and total and utter rage was the fact that he dared to use _his_ nickname, _HIS NICKNAME_ for Derek. And fuck no. Because it was his. And Stiles doesn’t care how pathetic he sounds, or how overly protective he feels right now. Jeremy is fucking dead.  
  
Stiles knew he was fast, but he didn’t know he was _that_ fast. Because before you could even hear the ruffle of leaves under his feet he was already digging his nails and ripping across Jeremy’s cheeks.  
  
 _Guess he found his release._  
  
Jeremy let out a loud feral growl, because it hurt, it hurt so fucking much… And it wasn’t healing, blood was oozing everywhere and he couldn’t move, because Stiles had him pinned against the tree. Stiles knew this wouldn’t last long. He knew Derek would be on him in exactly point five seconds… He could already hear him getting closer, so Stiles took what Stiles could get. He raised his hand in front of Jeremy’s face, making sure Jeremy was following his movements. His eyes were full of fear and it was a sight that was difficult to ignore. It just made the blood in Stiles’ veins pump even harder.  
Stiles closed his fist, and when he opened it abruptly his nails were unmistakably sharper than ever…He made sure he would hit him were it hurt the most, so Stiles did what any “sane” person would do, and by sane he means totally psychotic… He jammed his whole hand in the center of Jeremy’s stomach, ripping it open, and blood began sliding and gathering over his hand.  
Blood started pouring out of Jeremy’s mouth, and Stiles hoped he would choke on it. He knew Jeremy wouldn’t die from this, he knew Derek wouldn’t let him, but Stiles knew it would take a few days for the bruises and cuts to heal, and Stiles couldn’t help but like that thought…But before he could dwell on it any longer he felt Derek’s tight grip on his neck, pulling him back, and so Stiles used whatever power he had left to resist Derek’s grip and sink his teeth in the soft flesh of Jeremy’s neck, he felt the rip and tear across his gums, as blood started to crawl and drip down his chin, and Stiles could feel the flesh turn cold against his lips.  
  
And that’s when he felt the digging of nails against his own neck, unlatching him from Jeremy.  
Derek threw him to the ground, putting some distance between him and Jeremy.

“Leave!” Derek growled. His fangs and nails extracted like he was ready to fight Stiles if he had to.  
  
“Is that an order?!” Stiles threatened. He slid his hand across his chin wiping away the blood that covered him there. And Derek got the message. He understood what Stiles was trying to say.  
So Derek changed back. His face completely human again. No sharp teeth or elongated claws. Just Derek, and his beautiful mesmerizing eyes.  
  
“Go” he repeated again, this time sounding much more like he was begging than demanding.  
  
And Stiles couldn’t refuse… Not when Derek is like this… So… _Submissive_. It was actually quite enduring. Because that sudden want and need he has for Derek returned so quickly, it actually made Stiles’ wolf growl for more.  
Stiles wondered if Derek could smell the sudden spike of arousal, if he could sense his sudden urge to claim and have him.  
And yes. Stiles knows, he is well aware that something is very _very_ wrong with him. hell. He is going to hell.

Despite himself he did what he was told.   
  
He left.  
  
***  
  
 **May 10 th 2013**  
  
Four days since he beat the crap out of Jeremy.  
  
Four days since he had the worst fight he had ever had with Derek.  
  
Four days and he’s been going crazy.  
  
He couldn’t eat properly or get a good night sleep. He kept on repeating what had happened in his head. And if you asked him now if he regretted anything he had said or done he would tell you whole heartedly he regrets nothing.  
  
And if the regret isn’t eating him up… then what is?  
  
***  
  
He found himself outside again running. Like he did before… _to forget._  
He ran towards the woods… not Dereks’ woods, just Beacon Hills woods. He wanted to be somewhere where he could turn and be alone. Where he could scream and shout, and let all the anger and frustration out, where no one would think of looking for him.  
  
He started slowing down; taking in his surroundings, looking for a place he could sit down and just relax. He heard a gentle water flow coming from the south, so he decided to continue towards that route.  
  
Turns out he was right, there was a small creek. He sat down on the forest floor. Gripping at the soft and moist ground and letting the mud there seep between his fingers.  
  
He wasn’t surprised by the voice that came from behind him. He could hear a consistent heart beat following him the moment he stepped foot in the forest.  
  
“If you came here for a rematch I’m going to have to decline politely… I really had no joy in scraping your skin from between my nails…” Stiles offered, a triumphant grin spreading across his face.  
  
“Oh please I was caught off guard….” Jeremy rolled his eyes at Stiles as he took a seat next to him on the ground.  
  
“Sure you were…” Stiles mumbled back.  
  
They sat in silence for a few minutes. Stiles could feel Jeremy go stiff beside him. And not in the sexual way! Like literally Stiles could feel how cautious and careful he was being. So leave it to Stiles to break the silence.  
  
“I don’t regret what I did.” Stiles finally admitted. He dipped his hand in the stream in front of him cleaning away the mud that gathered on his hands.

“It took me three days to heal… That’s why I only came here now…” Jeremy returned his tone serious. And Stiles couldn’t help but feel guilt begin to pool in the pit of his stomach.  
  
“I don’t blame you… I mean I should because you’re the one who practically ripped me to shreds… But I provoked you… so I kinda deserved it.”  
  
“Ok…” Stiles answered him confused. He doesn’t understand what this is supposed to be… an apology? Is this freak trying to say he’s sorry for what he did? For being a total asshole…  
  
“Look Cre- um I mean Jeremy… I don’t really get what you’re trying to do here and all but I-“  
  
“Derek cares about you, and he asked me to do this so I’m here to explain.” Jeremy cut Stiles short. He let out a long sigh, letting Stiles know he was disliking this as much as he was.  
  
“If you’re only here because Derek sent you… Then just go, because whatever little respect I might have felt for you a second ago… completely vanished.”  
  
“Stiles I need to-“  
  
“Seriously get the hell out of here because I ripped your throat open once and I have no problem doing it again. Trust.Me.” Stiles growled, his voice turning feral.  
  
“Stiles jut listen to me.” Jeremy insisted, and Stiles could here the frustration and how urgent his voice sounded.  
  
“Jeremy, you don’t know me very well… apart from the throat ripping and you thinking I’m some disposable piece of crap whose not worthy of an Alpha… but trust me when I say… that there is nothing in this world you can say that will make me sit here and endure your company any longer.”  
  
“I really think there is…” Jeremy grunted, satisfied.  
  
“Try me.” Stiles snarled back.  
  
“I was Laura Hale’s fiancé.”  
  
 _Fuck his fucking life._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh and I forgot to say... Thank you all for the kudos and the amazing comments on the last chapter... It really made me happy and warm inside, especially since the three last weeks have been total shit for me...  
> So <3  
> love you guys


	12. Rumble Down Under

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys! Just wanted to say thank you! again... :P For all the lovely comments! <3

  
**May 10 th 2013**

_“The hell!?”_ Stiles blurted out. Because really? _The fuck_? Of course out of all the explanations in the world to why Jeremy has been such an ignorant ass… Laura Hale had to be the answer.  
  
“Care to elaborate on that very very vital information?” Stiles suggested bitterly, intertwining his fingers together, and pressing his joined hands against his lips. Doing the best he can to hold his anger in, because if he breaks now, he’s going to run so fast towards the Hale house and slap whatever broody, and probably extremely sexy, look Derek has going on... _with his claws._  
  
“You knew that after the Hale fire Laura and Derek moved to New York… Laura studied Law there and Derek finish up high school… correct?” Stiles nodded in agreement.  
  
“Well Laura chose to move to New York for a reason. Their parents were very good friends with my grandfather… He’s the Alpha of our pack. My families’ relationship with the Hales dates back to generations and generations ago…So when my family heard about what happened, they told Laura to come to New Jersey so she could stay with us, that my grandfather will be willing to teach her the obedience and control that are needed for becoming an Alpha, and once she got accepted to Law school in New York… everything just seemed to fall into place.”  
  
“Then what happened?” Stiles asked carefully rubbing the back of his neck. He could tell by the little and almost unnoticeable tick in Jeremy’s jaw, that telling him this is much more difficult and distressing then he is letting on.  
  
“We fell in love…” Jeremy exhaled bitterly. His voice quivering, while his eyes darkened back with sorrow.   
  
“It was impossible not to…” He finally broke the long silence, “I mean you can probably imagine and already know… The Hales, they’ve always been… one of a kind…” He smiled sadly.  
  
“Only after we realized how serious our relationship really was, only then did she let me meet Derek. She told me she doesn’t want him to get attached to someone who isn’t going to be a permanent fixture in her life...”  
  
“How was he back then?” Stiles couldn’t help but wonder, he hadn’t realized he’d said it out loud until Jeremy returned a grim smile.  
  
“A complete and total mess!” Jeremy let out a startled laugh, and Stiles couldn’t help but smile sincerely… Because really what was he expecting? This was Derek freaking Hale, aka Mcsourwolf Hale… Stiles could honestly swear that he can’t picture Derek not being so moody and growly.  
  
“Really the first time I met him… Oh God… the memory of it… He just sat in the corner with this miserable and pitiable look on his face, while managing to look like the grumpiest 16 year old boy I have ever seen in my life.” Jeremy shook his head at the memory.  
  
“He must have gotten over that though… right? I mean seeing your budding relationship today and all…” Stiles grumbled, and he couldn’t help but feel the need to stand up for 16 year old Derek. I mean he knows what it's like to lose a mother, but losing eleven of your family members and being left with only an older sister? What did Jeremy expect? For him to be running around singing songs about rainbows and sunshine?  
  
“Yeah… once he opened up. I think he just realized how much Laura cared for me… Once he understood how important I was to her… and that I probably wasn’t going anywhere any time soon, he let up the tough guy act… and as more time passed I realized that he wasn’t just my friend…” Jeremy trailed off looking away from Stiles.  
  
“What was he then?” Stiles insisted, because he wanted to know. He wanted Jeremy to admit it. Stiles had never seen Derek take as much crap from anyone as he did from Jeremy and that had to mean something.  
  
“My lover…” Jeremy whispered. And Stiles felt his eyes burn silver, as a feral growl escaped his lips, only to be interrupted by Jeremy’s hysterical laughing.  
  
“You are such a fucking asshole you know that!?” Stiles snarled at Jeremy and pushed him further away from him, sending him rolling on the ground. But he couldn’t help the amused little smirk that spread across his face. And how could he? Jeremy was bent down on the ground where Stiles had pushed him, whipping away tears that slid down his face from laughing so hard.  
  
“Your face! You should have seen…-“ And then he started laughing abruptly again, and Stiles could feel the hot red flush begin to cover his face.  
  
“My brother!” Jeremy finally announced after calming down, breathing heavily from laughing so hard, “He’s like my brother, my little and moody brother.” He smiled genuinely, and Stiles hated the fact that he was starting to grow fond of this asshole.  
  
“Ok ok making fun of Stiles time is over… get on with your story Romeo” Stiles grumbled.

Jeremy took a finale deep breath before continuing, “four years later… long after Derek finished high school, we decided to get married. We set a date and everything…We were supposed to get married on February 10th, the date of her mothers birthday. She wanted to get married during the winter because it was her favorite season. She always said she wanted her dress to be as white as the snow laying on the ground as she walks down the aisle.” Jeremy moved back up from the forest floor and sat next to Stiles.  
  
“That is part of why she came back to Beacon Hills. She always said that there are a million bridal shops in New York but she wanted to buy a wedding dress from the corner shop she used to always walk by on her way home from school.” Jeremy smiled weakly at the memory, and Stiles could just tell that very moment exactly how much he loved her.  
  
“While she was away Derek stayed with us. I remember him trying to convince her not to go, or to at least let him go with her. But she insisted on him staying, saying that he needs to concentrate on his master’s degree. But the truth was she was terrified of what coming back might do to him.” Jeremy admitted.  
  
“Wait _WHAT_? Derek Hale. Masters Degree?! In what exactly?! Brooding and Sulking in dark corners?” Stiles demanded, completely shocked with the fact that Derek actually has some sort of finished education. He always thought he dropped out of high school once they moved to New York.  
  
“English Literature…” Jeremy answered. His face completely bewildered from Stiles reaction.  
  
“ _What_!?” Stiles gaped at Jeremy like he was some sort of freak… well an even bigger freak than he already was… “Are you serious?!” And apparently Jeremy thought that nodding was a good enough way to answer Stiles. He obviously did not understand the slight mental break down Stiles was having inside his head.  
  
“Anyways…” Jeremy continued, giving Stiles a look that says your-underestimation-of-Derek-is-really-starting-to-piss-me-off look, “Laura stopped calling us two weeks after her arrival. Derek started to worry and while I tried to convince him not to go down there, he did anyways… And you already know how the rest of it turned out… You know with you finding the body, your friend being bitten, you blaming Derek for killing his _own sister.”_ Jeremy growled the last part, shooting an accusing and specifically enraged glare at Stiles. And all Stiles could do was look away and swallow bitterly, because he still can’t forgive himself for how stupid he was, trying to blame Derek for the death of his own sister… he cant believe how much that must have hurt.  
  
“Why did you only come down here now then?”  
  
“Grief, and misery, and not being able to believe she is gone. I was an idiot, a coward, only thought about myself, not even thinking how Derek might be feeling… I told him that he needs to come back to New York that he needs to be with his pack… But he said that he can’t go back, not after realizing that this is the place he had to be… I didn’t understand what the hell he meant when he said that… But now I do…” Jeremy nodded his head in understanding, “He has his own pack now… has a mate, one that I would _never in a million years_ even dare to imagine would be Derek Hales mate… but a mate after all.”  
  
Stiles rolled his eyes at Jeremy, “You know you _really_ do underestimate me…I mean there must be a good reason Derek cant say no to this” Stiles grinned slyly and gestured at his body. And in return Jeremy let out a chuckled laugh, the corners of his eyes wrinkiling.  
  
“Why didn’t you just tell me when you came? Why didn’t you tell me who you really were?” Stiles asked softly, feeling like he didn’t really have the right to know the answer to those questions in some weird way.  
  
“Because I’d much prefer to introduce myself as a friend then the fiancé of a dead woman… It sounds much less miserable… Don’t you think?” Jeremy let out, and Stiles knows he didn’t mean to make it sound so sour… But still, Stiles could hear the unresolved grief in the mans voice.  
  
“I know… it’s not your fault. We should have told you… Derek should have told you. But I think he enjoyed a little bit of your jealousy as well…” Jeremy finally admitted, his lip lifting upwards just the slightest. And Stiles knew it. He just knew Derek enjoyed it too much.    
  
“Then why the hell have you been treating my like the biggest asshole in the world? I mean really what did I do to you?”  
  
“I was being overprotective? I don’t know…” Jeremy shrugged, almost apologetic, “I just want him to be happy Stiles… I remember him telling me about you, the first time he saw you… And how he felt something different about you… and then he called again and told me he was in prison because you accused him of killing Laura… and I got so mad, not because you blamed him for killing his own sister, but because of how wrecked he sounded…That you actually thought he was capable of doing such a thing.”  
  
“He obviously sees something in you… which I don’t…” Jeremy chuckled again.  
  
“Yeah yeah I got that the first time…” Stiles huffed out a frustrated sigh.  
  
“ _But…_ You’re not my mate… you’re his Stiles. He is an emotional mess and doesn’t know how to express his feelings even if his life depended on it…no doubt. But the point is Stiles… That when he’s with you… you make him human again. You drive him to the tip of insanity, and when he thinks he’s just about to fall off the edge you pull him back over and make him feel safe again… And I know what that’s like… I know how it feels like. You have to understand that once you find your mate there is no other person in this world that even comes close to that. You will never find someone who can even compare to the connection you have with your mate…”  
  
“Was Laura yours?” Stiles murmured, unsure if he was crossing a line here. He turned his gaze to look at Jeremy, to see the lines in his face softening again.  
  
“She was…” The corners of his lips rose. And it wasn’t full of mourning or sadness, it could only be described as pride. He was proud of having the honor to call her _his. His mate._

“So Stiles… “ Jeremy let out a heavy sigh, “I am so terribly sorry for being the most protective and worst non older brother any werewolf could have. And I am sorry I made you feel replaceable and unworthy…He would probably never admit it out loud… but you are the most valuable thing in his world… and to him… _you’re his_.”  
  
***  
  
 **May 11 th 2013**  
  
Stiles heard his bedroom window slide open and he couldn’t dash out of his bathroom fast enough. His heart beating so quickly he thought he might be having a freaking heart attack. No way in hell was he ready to talk to Derek, _especially_ when he was still missing some very essential clothing like a _shirt_ and _pants._ Yeah Stiles might have gotten a little less boney and more muscle-y-ish? Since becoming a werewolf, but with all do respect to his new and improved body image, he was not ready to face one sexy and broody Alpha in his plaid underwear thank you very much.  
  
“Fucking hell Scott!!! Why the hell did you come through the freaking window?!” Stiles yelled out, using way too many hand gestures for his own good.  
  
“Dude chill who did you think I was? And why are you like almost fully naked?” Scott whined moving both his hands to cover his eyes, “Seriously Stiles something’s I’d just like to keep a mystery…”  
  
“Ha.ha.ha. aren’t you just the funniest little werewolf ever? And besides your at my house… what did you expect me to wear a winter coat and snow pants?” Stiles mused back. He walked towards his dresser and pulled out a pair of grey warn out sweatpants and a light cotton T-shirt.  
“Better?” He gestured towards his now dressed form.  
  
“So much better! Still gonna have nightmares tonight though…” Scott laughed while he situated himself on Stiles’ bed.  
  
“So…” Stiles said, trying to break the sudden silence that fell over the room, “as much as I love you and all… Why did you come here Scotty boy?” And Stiles couldn’t help but smirk at the nickname because he knew just how much it drove Scott crazy.  
  
“Oh you know… just… wanted to catch up on some things…” Scott trailed off not meeting Stiles gaze.  
  
“Yeah like what?” Stiles tried to sound as oblivious as possible because there’s no chance in hell the pack didn’t know what went down between him and Jeremy.  
  
“Oh you know… nothing much. It’s been pretty boring for me around here lately… Everything with Alison is good, the pack is good…” Stiles nodded reluctantly as Scott kept listing the things that were “all good.”  
  
 “You and Derek finally stopped fighting…” He added, looking up to catch Stiles gaze. _Annnnddddd_ that’s when Stiles stopped fucking nodding. Because, _yes,_ ladies and gentlemen, he is indeed screwed.  
  
“But maybe that’s because _YOU FUCKING RIPPED A HOLE THROUGH JEREMY’S STOMACH STILES!!!”_ Scott growled. __  
  
“Just so you know Scott I didn’t “rip” anything, it was more like a stab and then the tearing of flesh…” Stiles smiled innocently, but he could feel Scott’s irritation vibrate across the room.  
  
“Yeah after I specifically told you not to go see him _Stiles!_ ” Scott hissed at him.  
  
“But what I’d really like to know is how come you didn’t call me over there for back up! Or at least waited for me to get there so I could see the shit go down!” Erica snarled, totally outraged as if she actually had the right. And excuse me people but when and how exactly did the _blonde devil_ get in his room?! __  
  
“What the? How did you even-?” Stiles just gaped at her in confusion.  
  
“Close your mouth before you start to drool Stiles.” Scott grumbled in annoyance.  
  
“Oh no no no no! You little werewolf posse don’t get to come here. Into my house. Knowing exactly what I did. And then make me feel like shit for doing it! The guy was acting like a complete asshole!” Stiles whined. Because what _even_ is his life anymore?! What kind of sane person would have to defend himself for practically almost killing a guy?  
  
“Yeah Stiles? Does that give you the right to rearrange his freaking face?!” Erica demanded, her glare turning vicious.  
  
“Oh hush! Don’t pretend you didn’t enjoy every second of finding out exactly what happened Erica. And Scott! Really? You bring the she-devil, no offence Erica, with you now?! _Really?”_ Stiles squinted his eyes, trying to give him his best death stare, and from the embarrassed look on Scotts’ face, he could tell he was doing a pretty damn good job.  
“Oh stop whining and just tell us what happened.” Erica sneered.  
  
“You already know what happened!” Stiles shrieked in frustration. Of course Scott and Erica would want to hear from him what happened. If they had a gossip club, then Scott and Erica would be sitting on the freaking throne, and no one, and he means _no one,_ would have a personal life. _Ever.Again._  
  
“I got in a fight with Jeremy ok?!” Stiles finally admitted with a loud sigh.  
  
“You didn’t get in a fight Stiles. You ripped him to shreds!” Scott blurted out, eyes large and filled with shock, or maybe it was amazement, Stiles isn’t sure.  
  
“Yeah! I mean you can’t even imagine how much fucking blood the guy lost! His wounds didn’t stop bleeding for two days!” Erica whined. And Stiles couldn’t help but feel a satisfactory tingle in the pit of his stomach because _fuck yeah!_ Stiles was a bad ass.  
  
“Oh no don’t you gloat you idiot. We –“ Erica gestured between her and Scott, “were set up to mopping away the blood duty… and trust me! I came this close!” she pinched her thumb and index finger together, “to killing him myself!”  
  
“And Derek is miserable again…” Scott added, “well more than the usual… like you know it’s the I’m-miserable-because-I-had-a-fight-with-Stiles miserable look, and trust me that’s the worst kind!”  
  
“Yeah because not only is he angry…angrier than usual… but he’s moping Stiles! Fucking moping and pouting like a little boy.” And Stiles couldn’t help but smile at the thought of how Derek would look all sad and moody, brooding alone in some dark corner with his lips pulled out into a pout. _Fuck_ that thought alone was turning him on.  
  
“Snap out of it Stiles.” Erica snapped her fingers in front of his face, and Stiles pushed her hand away.  
  
“Oh woah woah now… since when does Derek have a “Stiles makes me miserable look”?” Stiles demanded, placing both his hands on his hips while trying to glare at both Scott and Erica.  
  
“Since you’ve been making him miserable and withholding sex from him apparently.” Erica smiled slyly, her eyes glistening from pure amusement.  
  
“No Erica!! My ears!” Scott whined, shaking his head frantically, his hands pulled tightly against both sides of his head.  
  
“Excuse me?! What, even? The… I… shut up!” Stiles hissed, face turning completely red.  
  
“Anyways…” Scott glared at Erica, “He told us about the silver eyes thing…” Scott gave Stiles a concerned look, pressing his lips together into the smallest worried frown. And seriously this is why he loves his best friend so much. Because even though Scott can be the worst sometimes, he can also be the best.  
  
“Yeah… and…?” Stiles looked down at his bare feet; he couldn’t look both werewolves in the eyes.  
  
He felt a warm embrace as Erica tangled her hands around his body, “We still love you…Even though you might be just as emotionally constipated as Derek.” Of course she had to ruin the moment. Scott got up from the bed and joined them in an awkward but still comforting hug. They stood there for a few seconds, in complete silence, just enjoying the presence of each other.

“Still kinda pissed at you for not listening to me and going to see him even though I specifically told you _not to!_ ” Scott mumbled into Stiles’ shoulder.  
  
“Yeah well it was kind of hard to stay away when all you guys could talk about was how amazing Jeremy was…” Stiles admitted.  
  
“We were only trying to get you riled up…” Erica admitted. And _what?_  
  
“What?!’ Stiles let out a loud yelp. And even he couldn’t believe he just made that noise.  
  
“Riled up for what exactly?!” Stiles insisted, already knowing what Erica meant.  
  
“What the hell Erica? I wasn’t Stiles I swear!” Scott persisted, looking just as surprised as Stiles was.  
  
“Oh yeah Scott? Well then why did you nod your head like a complete idiot when I said he was hot as fuck?”  Erica jammed her finger deliberately against his chest.  
  
“ _What?_ I’m not gay! How am I supposed to know if a guy is good looking or not?!” Scott protested. And poor Scott… Seriously Stiles sometimes wonders how he even manages.  
  
“Oh please…” Erica rolled her eyes. “Fine.” _I_ was trying to get you riled up. And don’t ask me why… because you already know the answer to that Stilinski.” Her grin turned feral, and Stiles would never admit it, but it scared the shit out of him.  
  
They all turned there heads immediately when they heard the window creek open. And long and behold, Derek stepped into Stiles’s room, whith as much grace as ever. And God bless his little terrified look he had on his face the moment he saw everyone that was inside.  
  
“Oh my God! You thought I was Derek when I came in?!” Scott chirped up, a grin spreading across his face, happy that he finally managed to put two and two together.  
  
“What?” Both Derek and Erica snapped at Scott simultaneously.  
  
“Nothing!” Stiles squirmed. And again?! With the high pitched voice?! Seriously?! What seventeen year old boy sounds like that? And of course they choose that exact moment to completely go silent.

“Well Scott and I were just about to leave so… Good night Stiles… we’ll see you later Derek.” Erica offered a small smile before pulling Scott with her towards the window.  
  
“Erica! It was just about to get good!” Stiles heard Scott whine in the most childish voice he’s heard come out of him yet.  
  
The last thing he caught from their conversation was Erica giggling, “Let mommy and daddy have their little talk…”  
  
  
“Well?” Stiles asked Derek. Turning around and sitting on the edge of his bed. He wiggled around for a bit, crossing his legs together until he finally reached a comfortable position, and if he said he didn’t notice the tiny little grin that twitched at the side of Derek’s lips, then he would be lying.  
  
“I don’t know where to start Stiles…” Derek admitted. Looking down at the floor, scared to meet Stiles gaze. But Stiles wasn’t having it. Not after what Jeremy told him back in to woods. Derek can do this, for once he has to do this.  
  
“Start with how you’re the biggest asshole in the world."  
  
"Or maybe why you didn’t tell me about the real reason behind the silver eyes.” Stiles crossed his arms in defense.    
  
“Or that you’re the worst mate a werewolf could ever have."  
  
"Or that you regret what you did."  
  
"Or maybe when you actually started to care.” Derek tried to say something but Stiles just held up his hand, telling Derek to stop. He needed to say this out loud.  
  
“Or that you should have protected me, and I don’t mean by not telling me the truth."    
  
"That you should have told me _everything_ the moment you found out."  
  
"That you realize what a complete idiot you are for putting me at risk because you were scared.” Stiles let out a low frustrated growl."  
  
“Start with the reason why you lied to me."  
  
"Just start with the truth Derek.”  
  
“The truth? The truth is…”Derek moved across them room, and bent down on his knees in front of Stiles. He looked him in the eyes and said, “I was scared you would blame me… for making you like this…”  
  
“We already talked about this and we said…”Stiles let out a long sigh as he pressed his hand along Derek’s cheek, and rubbed it delicately through Derek’s stubble, “That I don’t blame you for turning me into a werewolf.”  
  
“No I don’t mean…” Derek shook his head, “ I mean…”And then he just stopped talking completely. He put his head down and rested it on Stiles’ thighs.  
  
Stiles couldn’t help but thread his fingers through Derek’s thick and soft black hair, “Just tell me…”He whispered soothingly.  
  
“For turning you into a wolf with silver eye, which means you’re going to hate me for the rest of your life… even if you don’t want to.” It came out a low murmur muffled by Stiles sweatpants against Derek’s lips.  
Stiles stopped brushing his hands along Derek’s hair, because he couldn’t help but smile the dopiest grin _e-v-e-r_ because _akajfajsdfkjadf_ awwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!! Der Bear was scared he was going to hate him…  
  
But when Derek nudged his hand as a sign to continue, Stiles started scraping his nails delicately along his scalp. “Why would I hate you Derek?”  
  
“Because Stiles” Derek let out a long sigh, “There will always be this anger and hate inside of you whether you want it or not. And you’re going to feel the need to take and be dominant… And I know you, and I know you would hate it… Because you don’t want to hurt anyone… except maybe Jeremy and Jackson… But even then its not you who’s so angry, it’s the wolf… And I’m the reason for that…”  
  
And now Stiles was mad because Derek Hale cannot give himself a break. _EVER._ Stiles pulled at Derek’s hair forcing him to look into his eyes, making sure the grip on his hair was forcing Derek to remain in that position, and Derek let out a low whine.  
“You need to stop whatever little pity party you have going on. Got that? Second thing you have to get over whatever little guilt crap your feeling for making me have glow-ey silver eyes ok! It’s not like you intended to do it. So stop feeling sorry for yourself and get over it. Because I’m starting to realize I like you a lot more when you’re angrier and broodier rather than sulky and sad.” And Stiles couldn’t help but feel heat rise to his face as Derek smiled at that.  
  
“I should have told you…But I was so scared Stiles…“  
  
“Of what Derek?! Of me getting mad? And then what? Ripping your throat out? You will heal! Trust me! And you know I can’t stay mad at you… I cant… I cant... I…”  
  
“I was scared of loosing you…” Derek leaned forward so his lips were pressed to Stiles’ knees. Stiles leaned down so his forehead was pressing down against Derek’s, “I’m not going anywhere sourwolf… I care too much.” And Derek smiled. Actually smiled at that.

“But you know what I’m really upset about?” Stiles said as he pulled away.  
  
“What?” Derek all but rumbled in frustration, a slight frown framing his face…obviously his little pity party ending too quickly for Stiles liking.  
  
“When I was beating the crap out of Jeremy you should have protected _me_! And not that dipshit! And I don’t care how close you are and whatever golden friendship you share… If I’m your mate. Then _I_ am your fucking mate Derek. And I don’t know what it means for your little werewolf juju or whatever…But to me it means I am the number one priority!”  
  
“Stiles… he was bleeding to death... He was hurt… like physically dying hurt.” Derek insisted, trying to defend his actions.  
  
“And I was emotionally dying hurt!” Stiles cried out, releasing a frustrated groan.  
  
“Stiles he needed me…”  
  
“Yeah well did you ever think that I might need you too?!” And Stiles didn’t mean for it to come out so harsh but he could tell it hit the spot, because Derek’s eyes suddenly grew large and wide, and his mouth opened into the tinniest “O” shape.  
And all Stiles could do was purse his lips into a thin line and nod his head, saying he meant all of it.  
  
Derek got up from the floor and before Stiles realized what was going on, Derek had him pinned down to the bed, his thighs straddling his hips, and both his hands holding Stiles’ neck.  
Derek leaned in close, millimeters away from Stiles’s lips, and then he looked up into Stiles’s eyes, and Stiles was just about ready to fucking faint because God he was beautiful. Stiles felt Derek’s hands move across his shoulder, peeling away his shirt from his shoulder and exposing the bare and unmarked skin that laid there.  
  
“Im sorry” he whispered and pressed a kiss to Stiles’s shoulder. He moved his hands slowly so they were resting against Stiles’s chest. And Stiles couldn’t help but feel a rumble travel through his body, as Derek did so.  
  
“I am sorry…” His breath brushed along Stiles’ skin a he pressed another slow taunting kiss along Stiles’s neck. And Stiles let out a low moan, because God he missed this. He didn’t know how much he missed it until now… The way Derek touches him, the way he makes him feel when he touches him… How he can makes him fall apart this easily...It’s like his whole body vibrates and he has no control over it.  
  
“I am so…” Derek leaned forward pressing a light and delicate yet passionate kiss to the side of Stiles’ mouth “so sorry…” He murmured. And at that very moment… Stiles was gone. Finished. Done.  
  
Derek looked up; studying Stiles’ face,  he leaned in close and murmured softly against his lips, “Do you forgive me?”, in the most broken and damaged voice he has ever heard come out of Derek’s mouth.  
  
And all Stiles could do was nod desperately like the fucking virgin that he… _wasn’t_ …. like the virgin that he _wasn’t_.  
  
“Good…” Derek grinned, hauling Stiles closer as he leaned down to give Stiles’ a slow agonizing kiss on the lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys don't hate it... I'm not sure if I let Derek down too easy on this one... So... I don't know... Tell me what you think? I'm not really sure how I should continue the next chapter... Should I write some sexy times or maybe make Derek suffer a little more for what he did?  
> Let me know! <3


	13. Stubble Burn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is so incredibly late. I flew out of the country for about three and a half weeks and I thought I'd be able to write there but as it turned out I barely had any time.  
> So... Yeah...My peace offering is that there's sex... Nothing is wrong with some sexy time...right?
> 
> Please don't kill me... (Goes and hides in corner) :3

  **May 11/12 2013**

 Derek straddled Stiles’ hips with his own, as he leaned down and placed lengthy gentle kisses along his jaw. He threaded his fingers through Derek’s hair and tugged playfully, pulling Derek towards his lips. Derek drew in impossibly close so their lips were merely touching, and then… He just stopped.  
  
 _That fucking bastard._  
  
 He tilted his face upwards, cupping Stiles’ face with coarse warm hands, leaving Stiles with no option apart from locking his gaze into Derek’s eyes.  His eyes full of things Stiles never thought Derek could possibly feel towards him.  
  
They weren’t hungry or full of desire and lust. It wasn’t like Derek didn’t want him, don’t get him wrong. It was just that… It was different.  
  
Not like the first time this happened. This time, Derek looked at him with certainty, like he wanted this. No. Like he _knew_ he wanted this. His eyes were filled with something, something Stiles could only describe as content. And if he said that that thought didn’t make his heart beat a little faster… Then he’d just be a terrible liar.  
  
Derek didn’t hesitate much longer before he pressed his lips smoothly against Stiles’ own.  
  
 _Fuck_ Stiles missed that feeling.  
  
Almost forgotten what it feels like to have Derek like this. Derek nipped lightly at his lips, his tongue drawing a thin curve as it mapped out the outline of Stiles’s lips, begging for permission to slip in, and Stiles granted it with pleasure, letting out a held back moan as Derek’s tongue slid into his mouth with the type of eagerness Stiles didn’t know he  
could posses.  
   
Because Derek isn’t just kissing him anymore, he’s marking him, marking Stiles’ lips and mouth as his.  
Stiles wants that too. He wants people to know that Derek is his too. So he spreads his legs a little wider, and once Derek has pressed himself perfectly between his own, he locks his ankles around Derek’s back and pushes him in closer, forcing a growl from Derek, because Stiles has that kind of effect on him. He _knows_ he does.  
  
 Stiles’ tilts his head to the left pulling Derek deeper into his mouth, with no time to acknowledge what is really happening the kiss becomes so much more erratic in a matter of seconds; it’s like whatever peace offering Derek was here to negotiate suddenly turned into warfare.  
  
 Everything is openmouthed and unbelievably loud. They’re both panting, needing more, wanting so much more than just to kiss. Stiles pushes up and grinds his groin against Derek jeans, and he can feel just how hard Derek is, just how much Derek wants him. Feeling Derek like that, feeling the wet tip of his tongue as it glides so perfectly across his gum, traces his teeth, he can’t help but release a loud groan from his lips.  
  
And Derek being Derek, because _God forbid anyone else apart from him_ hasthe upper hand, shifts his hips and cants them harder against Stiles’ crotch, setting a slow agonizing rhythm that has Stiles moaning with every thrust.  
  
Stiles can feel warm heat build in the pit of his stomach, can feel the tremble in his bones, telling him that he is close, and judging by the harsh intake of breath Derek takes each time their lips separate, he knows he’s close too.  
  
Finally Derek lets go of his lips. But he does it so slowly, licks them until they’re closed, relishes them with small gentle kisses, like he’s parting goodbye. When Stiles opens his eyes he can see how swollen and red Derek’s lips are, pupils blown wide, and he can’t help but imagine how he must look like to Derek. Because Derek looks fucking delicious.  And all Stiles wants to do it _take._  
  
So he thrusts upwards faster, letting Derek know exactly what he wants. And Derek gives him what he needs, like he should, because _fucking dammit_ , he should always give Stiles what he needs. He grinds downwards faster, and Stiles’ dick couldn’t be happier than it is now. His erection rubbing harshly against Derek’s rough denim jeans is just the right kind of friction he was looking for driving him even closer, the heat in his stomach reaching a new kind of high.  
  
Derek shifts, feeling the way Stiles’ is begging to slowly break underneath him as he slides his hands underneath his shirt, rubbing up and down his ribcage while he begins to inhale the intoxicating scent that’s settled in Stiles’ throat. He can’t hold back the moans escaping his lips, as they travel past his chest, inciting a full body to tremble.  
  
Stiles grabs at Derek’s back and digs his sharp nails across Derek’s shoulder blades, urging him to go faster, harder. When Derek does he can’t help but gasp as the satisfaction of it all hits him.  
  
Stiles needs this. Always fucking needed it. But not just this, not just sex. He needs Derek.  
  
“Stop. Stop! Derek fucking Stop.” Stiles all but pants out, pushing up further against Derek when he feels Derek begin to back away.  His voice sounds so wrecked and hoarse he almost doesn’t even recognize it as his own. Derek pulls away from Stiles’ neck so quickly it almost makes Stiles dizzy, and he can’t help the low whine that escapes his lips at the loss of contact.  
  
“What’s wrong?” Derek sounds just as fucking horny and uneven as he does. Stiles takes a moment to truly cherish the way Derek looks right now. Lips swollen, pupils rimmed with blood thirsty red, his hair completely rumbled up, sticking in so many different directions Stiles doesn’t know if he should laugh or cry, and _god_ did he do that? He bites his lips so hard he thinks he might draw blood, but he forces himself to hold back the grin that’s threatening to break out across his lips.  
  
“I need you.” Stiles licked his lips, watching as Derek traces the movement of his tongue, transfixed, “to take your clothe off.”  
  
He felt his eyes flash silver “ **_Now._** _”_  
  
“Your dad?” Derek raised his eyebrow in question, watching the silver in Stiles’ eyes intently. Stiles could smell the arousal seeping off of Derek at the sight of them.  
  
“Don’t know don’t care.” Stiles rasped out, tugging Derek towards him. And the asshole actually has the nerve to look satisfied.  
  
“Don’t you dare give me that face Derek Hale. I haven’t been the only one obtaining sex from you, because you have been equally blue balling me.” Stiles snapped back. Derek gave him a long calculated look before finally giving in.  
  
Stiles didn’t know how Derek did it but in a matter of seconds Stiles was stripped down to only his underwear and was left gaping as Derek’s own black boxer briefs pressed dangerously low under his hip bones, exposing every darn and beautiful thing Derek had to offer.  
  
“You have -?” Derek breathed out heavily, his chest rising and falling rapidly. That sight itself. Stiles knew that if he just concentrated long enough he could come right then and there.  
   
“Under the bed.” He managed to rasp out; thankful his voice maintained a semi-normal tone…depending on how you define semi-normal.  
  
Once Derek grabbed the lube he placed it beside his legs, and slowly starting stripping away Stiles’ boxers from under his legs. Low rumbles escaping his lips involuntarily like he fucking approves of what he’s seeing. And fuck is that supposed to be such a turn on? Or is Stiles just _that_ completely whipped?  
  
Whatever conclusion he was beginning to draw to in his head began to slowly slip away the moment he felt Derek’s first finger push inside him, making him release a ragged moan deep from within his throat.  
Stiles felt the most consuming stretching feeling take over him. He suddenly feels so full, a terrible blazing need for more rumbles inside him while Derek’s finger begin to slide and twist harder inside him.  
  
Stiles began moaning incoherently as Derek pushes a second finger inside him that leaves him panting relentlessly. Stiles’ hips begin to jerk down involuntarily, pushing Derek deeper inside him. Derek’s hand moves forward with each and every thrust, meeting Stiles as he grinds lower and lower.  
  
“Derek I swear to God if you don’t get yourself inside me right now…” Stiles snarled. Because really this was getting too much, and not even _close_ to enough.  
  
Derek took in a sharp intake of breath, choosing not to respond to Stiles desperate cries as he pushed harder and faster on him. Instead he pressed his tongue vigorously between Stiles’ lips, forcing him to shut the hell up, while he pulled out his fingers from within Stiles.  
  
Stiles was all up for shutting up if Derek kept kissing him like that.  
  
“Come here.” Derek whispered, his expression edged with concern while he leaned back against the head board of Stiles’ bed, motioning for Stiles to come forward and sit on his thighs.  
  
“We’re going to do something a little different this time…” Derek assured him, when Stiles gave him a suspicious look.  
  
“Why?” Stiles pressed on but still leaned towards Derek, straddling his legs against Derek’s thighs.  
  
Derek pressed his cheek slick against Stiles’ so his lips were millimeters away from his ear. He leaned in and whispered right into his ear in such a way that he could feel the brush of Derek’s lips against his earlobe, “Because I want you to ride me.”  
  
And… _fuck._  
   
Stiles felt his whole body lurch forward and the muscles in his legs clench firmly against Derek’s thighs just from Derek’s words, making these desperate noises from deep inside him. Because Derek was giving him control over this. Derek trusts him enough to do this.  
  
“You ready?” Derek asked, nudging his nose delicately just under Stiles’ ear and nipping at the area.  
  
“Yeah…Yeah I’m ready…” Stiles let out a shaky breath that turned into a gasp the second he felt Derek’s tip press inside him.  He could feel the way Derek is slowly pushing further and deeper, the way he’s filling him up. The way his insides burn and ache once Derek gives a testing thrust upwards into Stiles, again and again making sure he’s completely inside before he lets Stiles take the lead.  
  
And then Stiles starts moving.  
  
And oh.  
  
 _Oh._  
  
 Has he missed this feeling.  
   
He starts grinding up and down on Derek’s dick, taking in the small gasps Derek is making as encouragement while he starts increasing his speed.  
  
He can feel Derek’s damp breath against his neck, Derek’s tight grip that engulfs his whole body, his nails shifting from human to wolf against his back again and again. He wants Derek to lose it.  
  
 _No. He needs_ Derek to lose it.  So he pulls out almost completely and slides right back down, hard, against Derek, forcing a rippling growl to travel through Derek’s throat.  
  
He shifts his hips just the slightest and begins thrusting again, his skin rippling with hot need when Derek begins to meet Stiles’s thrusts. They move against each other, the skin on skin contact is almost unbearable. They’re both so hot, burning each other alive and Stiles can’t stop, and he can’t stop this. He keeps going keeps thrusting, moaning Derek’s name while Derek mumbles approval in his ear. Encourages to go on.  
  
Derek shifts slightly underneath him and once he grinds up again he’s managed to hit the magic mark that has him seeing white spots behind his eye lids. He can feel the heat at the pit of his stomach begin to build up again as Derek keeps nipping and moaning at his neck, begging Stiles to go faster, to ride him harder.  
  
Stiles grabs his headboard with both his hands as he rocks harder against Derek. His grip tightening, leaving dents in the wooden board of his bed, as he reaches closer and closer to his orgasm. Derek uses one of his free hands to stroke Stiles, sliding his hand up and down his shaft, running his thumb over his head, spreading his precome in a teasing way that leaves Stiles breathless and arching for more.  
  
He can feel the humming in Derek’s chest, as he clings to Stiles like his life depends on it. His nails sinking into his skin as he latches his teeth to his throat, rupturing the delicate skin between his neck and shoulder. Can smell the sharp ting of lust and possessiveness reel out of Derek while he strokes him faster.    
  
Stiles just needs a little more.  
  
Just a little more. Just a little harder… He exposes his neck as an offering to Derek, a fine clean line of unmarked skin. And Derek gives it to him. Biting down on him so ruthlessly Stiles cant help but shout out as a new and sudden pleasure travels down his neck, pushing up his spine leaving him panting and arching his back even further just as Derek pushes himself so far into Stiles that Stiles can’t even breathe because suddenly he can feel _everything_ that is Derek.  
  
So close… So fucking close…  
  
“Derek… I’m… I’m gonna…” Stiles is panting hard, rocking against him so hard… And then he’s gone, the muscles in his body clenching involuntarily as he feels the rough shooting of blissfulness travel through him,  
  
The smell hits Derek like a wave of shock sending him over the edge howling into Stiles neck, lapping at the ruptured skin _he left there._ Licking at the mark that _he made._  
When he feels Stiles begin to move above him he can’t help the dangerous growl that escapes his lips, pressing sharp warning nails to Stiles’ ribcage warning him not to move.  
He presses long wet kisses to the mark, biting and nipping around it, while stroking his tongue along it again and again.  
  
Once he feels the possessive need slide from under him he releases a satisfied noise that sounds almost like a fucking purr. Because apparently he becomes a fucking cat when he marks his mate. He can’t help but smile at the thought as he lifts Stiles from above him and nuzzles his neck some more.  
  
“First of all… _Fuuckkk._ You can’t tell me _that_ wasn’t fucking awesome.” Stiles lets out a shaky laugh.  
  
All Derek does is hum in agreement, and Stiles could still feel the small grin tugging at Derek’s lips.   
  
“Second of all I’m not even going to ask why you’re smiling like a little girl.” Stiles nudged Derek shoulder, earning a playful growl in return.   
  
“Ok…” Derek murmured sleepily, pressing lazy kisses along Stiles’ neck. Their legs were tangled together and Derek was still half lying on top of Stiles, one hand splayed across Stiles chest wrapping around his bicep pulling him in closer while his other hand rested under his chin next to Stiles’ shoulder.  
  
Stiles was always self-conscious about his body and how he looked. Short hair? Long hair? His taste in clothe is apparently horrendous according to Danny and Lydia, and no matter how many years have past since then, Stiles will never forgive Scott  for telling him he has skinny legs that look like they belong to a twelve year old girl. It doesn’t matter if they were fourteen ok?! He was a very sensitive fourteen year old boy.

The point is. The point is that lying here with Derek like this… It doesn’t even feel strange. Stiles doesn’t have the need to cover himself or hide under the covers.  
  
It just feels… _natural._  
  
Like they fit perfectly together like this. There’s something so calming about being able to feel Derek’s heartbeat against his bare chest. The way Derek’s thumb is rubbing circles soothingly at his side while Stiles presses and threads his fingers through Derek’s hair earning soft rumbles of pleasure from Derek.  
  
Like they were created to be like this.  
  
Stiles felt the way Derek’s breathing began to slow down into long and shallow intakes of breath. He himself began to feel his eyelids begin to droop.  
  
He was already half asleep when he heard Derek speak to him, his voice muffled by the way his mouth pressed against the junction between his neck and his shoulder.  
  
“Stiles…?”Derek croaked, his voice giving away just how tired he was.  
  
“Hmmm?” Was the best Stiles could give as an answer right now.  
  
“I heard you’re dad’s cruiser pull into your street. He’ll be home in about two minutes…”  
  
“S’ok…” Stiles mumbled. Threading his fingers through Derek’s hair again.  
  
“I think I better go…”Derek said weakly. Stiles could hear the disappointment in his voice and the way his heart began to beat a little faster.  
  
“Think you should stay…” Stiles tightened his grip on Derek’s hair and tugged him closer. He pulled the covers over them, you know just in case his dad did decide to check up on him, and then turned off the lights.  
  
“This ok?” Stiles whispered sleepily. He knew this wasn’t easy for Derek with everything he’s been through… He has _a lot_ of commitment issues, and the second he feels someone has gotten too close… He does everything he can to drive them away.  
  
So when Derek answers him with a “Yeah… its good,” and Stiles can practically _hear_ the smile in his voice. He can’t help but press a soft kiss to Derek’s forehead and pulling him even closer, “Night Derr Bear.”  
  
“Night Stiles.” Derek sighed quietly.  
  
And Stiles knew. He just fucking _knew_ that if anyone would look at him right now, they would see the dopiest grin to ever exist in the land of dopy grins.  
  
 Probably sensing the mini this-night-has-to-be-written-down-in-history-pages party Stiles was currently celebrating by himself. Or maybe he just heard Stiles’ heart beat pick up… You know… either way… Derek nuzzled deeper into Stiles neck, his stubble rubbing against the tender skin of his neck.  
  
Stiles was going to have _the worst_ stubble burn in the morning.  
  
Explain _that_ to your father.  


	14. The Five Stages of Grief

**July 2 nd 2013**  
  
The thing is, Stiles would never admit to this, but ever since he and Derek sorted their shit out, things in Beacon Hills have been abnormally… well… normal?   
It’s been strange… to say the least. I mean Stiles’ is used to having to run around like his life literally depends on it, almost bleeding to death, saving Derek’s life, fighting supernatural creatures, then killing said supernatural creatures, all while in the process of risking his life for the sake of the pack, and then he’d hear them all complain to him and irritate the shit out of him because he’s just a puny and breakable human…  
  
Only now… He’s not. He’s not human anymore. He can’t shatter or get hurt, well physically that is. And if he does, he’ll heal, eventually. And it’s all very bizarre to him all of a sudden.  
  
He’s not human, not anymore.  
  
And it’s even weirder that he’s only realizing it now, that he’ll never have the option to undo what has already happened.  
  
He sees the way he’s been coping with his transformation the same way people cope with grief. They say the first stage consists of denial and isolation. He never actually acknowledged the fact that he was a werewolf. I mean he knew… But did he really know? Did he fully understand what it meant? If he admits it to himself he would say he was too much of a coward to do so. So he isolated himself… from the pack, from his own father. From anyone he ever knew…Because he was too afraid to admit to himself what he had become, and what he's lost in the process.    
  
Then comes Anger. But Stiles knows that’s something that every turned werewolf has to deal with. He, on the one hand could control his anger pretty well… considering… things… but on the other hand, he _did_ have a few anger outbursts (cough.Jeremy.cough).  
   
After that there’s bargaining. He thinks he kind of rushed pretty quickly through that stage because the “what if…” question would only have, in his case, one answer, and that would be his own death.  
  
Then - Depression. And for fucks sake has he been overly emotional and depressed for the last couple of month. Probably that has to do with a certain sourwolf rather then anything else… But whatever, he’s on a roll here.  
  
The finale stage is Acceptance. And that’s exactly the thing… he doesn’t really feel like he’s accepted any of this. What it all really means. Didn’t he practically cheat death? Are you even allowed to do that? Is there some law in the “Rules about Cheating Death” book which states that if you know a supernatural creature and he/she has the ability to save your life involving the usage of their magical powers then its ok? What even makes that ok?  
  
He can’t help but wonder what might have happened if Derek and Scott hadn’t found him when his car crashed.  
  
 _Whoops guess he is starting the “what if’s” after all… better late then never._  
  
 He actually doesn’t speculate because he knows. He knows that there is no fucking possible way an ordinary human being could have survived such a massive head injury. He doesn’t remember much of it. Not much of the pain or the fall. You can't actually remember pain, can you? He doesn’t think so… Scientifically speaking and all. He just remembers this loud thumping in his head and then waking up in Derek’s hands, Scott bending over him yelling at Derek to bite him. And the blood. He remembers all the blood. An average human body may contain between 3-5 liters of blood. I mean can you even imagine that? The thought of it still makes him shutter.

He always wonders. Sometimes replays certain things in his mind just to try and remember what it was like. What it was like being human. It’s strange isn’t it? It’s been what? A little over six months? And he’s already starting to forget.  
  
He doesn’t talk about it. With any of them. Especially not Derek. Derek was never human to begin with, so he doesn’t expect him to understand. They seem like they won’t get it, the pack he means. He loves them all and he would risk his life for any of them in a heart beat. But it’s just…  
  
 He was so damn good at being human. Hell, he fucking loved being human. He liked being different than all of them. He liked feeling the twinge in the back of his mind, travel through his body, when he knew that what he was doing may cost him his life.  
  
And he knows that sounds totally sadistic of him and many would probably tell him he needs psychiatric help. But that’s ok, he’s not about to share any of that information with anyone any time soon.

He’s standing in the bathroom now. Not his, he’s in Derek’s. Ever since they started renovating the Old Hale House, well guess now it’s more of a “New” Hale house, they’ve been spending a lot more time there.  
  
No one in the pack was surprised when they told them they’re “together.” And when he says not surprised what he actually means is recieving a collection of groans and hisses that included “Finally” and “About damn fucking time” and let’s not forget the over exaggerated eye rolls. Luckily all Derek had to do was growl a little and that made them all shut up.  
  
But he’s here now, in Derek’s bathroom, the bathroom that is in Derek’s bedroom. If anyone ever asks him of this he will deny this accusation as false and a complete ball of lies, but it’s probably his favorite room in the house. He hates how Derek was right about the room. How Derek knew exactly how he wanted it to be set out and planned.  
  
 He loved the dark wooden floor that match the color of the bed and the large working desk that Derek placed in the corner of the room, right under the huge window with the white curtain with gold linings. Couldn’t and still cant help running his fingers along the light cream walls that look so much like satin it never seizes to amaze him.  
Can't help but smile every time he walks in the room and sees the two bedside tables he forced Derek to buy and the two hideous green lamps that he bought Derek for the room.  
He remembers when Derek first saw them, the look on his face contorting from pure shock to confusion and then transforming into a lopsided grin. Stiles remembers when he placed them both at the side of the bed, and he just had to comment on how they completely don’t fit anything in the room. But all Derek did was smile and say “They’re a prefect reminder of you.”  
  
 Maybe he’s just biased but… everything in this room is so… Derek. The smell the furniture, the colors. All overwhelming and so calming at the same time. He can’t even describe it or put in into words because you can’t understand this. No one can understand what he’s feeling.  
  
He’s standing in the bathroom now. Gripping the sink like his life depends on it. He’s biting his lips hard enough to probably draw blood and all he can think about is that this is all too… human and yet still something....something is missing.  
  
He doesn’t know what he expected. He can’t say he’s not happy. This is the happiest he’s ever been in his entire life. But it’s just… He’s not human anymore. And he expected it to be different. It just all fits into place together. Everything is so perfect and so quiet and there’s no trouble. Nothing life threatening breathing down his neck. Everything is where it’s supposed to be, but it isn’t.  
  
  _Stiles_ , he’s not supposed to be this.  
  
He misses things. Weird things that used to bug the fuck out of him. Like when he wasn’t patient enough and he would just gobble down too hot to eat food and it would burn his tongue, and then it would take days for his tongue to not sting every time he put something in his mouth.  
He hates the fact that he’s more coordinated because he’s more aware of himself now. Hates that he can hear things, things he doest actually _want_ to hear. And smell. Oh for god’s sake the smells.  
  
It’s weird. He doesn’t hate it all. But whatever hurts him, whatever used to hurt, whatever used to bug the crap out of him is now gone. And he doesn’t feel it anymore.  
  
He’s looking at his reflection now, and he knows you don’t need to be a werewolf to know that there's something is wrong with him.  
  
He looks at his neck, his bare chest, at all the hickies and marks Derek leaves on him. Since Derek’s an Alpha it takes more time for Stiles’s body to heal, sometimes it even takes days before whatever mark he leaves on him fades away.  
  
Just the thought of it makes him smile, just small and simple. It’s just because he knows how much Derek likes to do it, and while he might never admit to it, he kind of likes it just as much.  
  
Stiles was so caught up in his own thoughts, he didn’t even register the fact that Derek was leaning against the bathroom doorpost, a smug expression on his face and arms crossed close to his chest.  
  
Stiles looked at him, he could feel his lips twitch just a tiny bit at the side of his lips, then he turned his gaze back to the mirror. Derek moved towards him, forcing Stiles to let go of the tight grip he had on the bathroom sink, turning him around so Stiles was now face to face with him.  
  
Stiles could see Dereks’ gaze travelling between his eyes and lips again and again until he finally leaned forward and pressed an open mouthed kiss against Stiles’ lips. Under different circumstances Stiles would have obliged immediately by pulling Derek closer to him, but he was too bothered by all the different thoughts that have been running through his mind.  
  
Derek pulled away from him and Stiles could instantly see the concern in his eyes, “What’s wrong?” Derek whispered like he didn’t want anyone to hear. Like he didn’t want any of the other _werewolves_ to hear.  
  
“It’s nothing…Really… Just… It’s nothing don’t worry about it.” Stiles leaned in and placed a firm kiss against Derek’s lips. He tried to smile and sound reassuring, but he knew Derek could see right through him. He stepped away from Derek and headed into the bedroom.  
  
“Stiles…” He heard Derek growl from behind him. Stiles huffed out loudly before deciding to sit down on the bed and just shrug his shoulders at Derek, as if that was a good enough answer.  
  
“Is this about the college applications and you know…college stuff?” Stiles winced. Urgh God he hated when he and Derek had to talk about that crap. It was way too complicated. The whole pack already decided they were going to go to Beacon Hill’s community college because they didn’t want to be far from each other. But Derek kept on insisting that Stiles applies to good colleges, which meant far far away from Beacon Hills.  
  
“Well yeah it’s kinda a little bit about that…” Stiles lied, because for gods sake what the hell was he supposed to say to Derek? I know I’m going to have to fucking leave soon and be away from you and stuff, but on the plus side I’ve been seriously contemplating whether or not I should even be alive right now.  
  
“But...?” Derek moved so he was sitting down next to Stiles on the bed.  
  
“I don’t know Der its just that this could be our last summer together, and I don’t want to be spending it on filling fucking college applications and writing all these essays about why they should choose me and why they’d be so lucky to have me. And its not fair because I’m the only fucking one who has to worry about all that crap because the rest of the pack are all going to go to a community college near by and I’m going to be all alone in some far away city studying for something that will determine the rest of my life _when I wasn’t even fucking supposed to be alive right now_!” Stiles stammered, the last part coming out in a big rush of words. He isn’t even sure if Derek picked up on it.  
  
Hell with that… considering the look he was receiving Derek picked up on it alright.  
  
“ _What.”_ Derek snapped. And oh shit, he does not look amused.  
  
“Hmmm..?” Stiles smiled wryly, really hoping Derek would just forget he just said that last part out loud. Please? _Pretty please_?

“What the hell Stiles?” Derek glared at him. His what-the-actual-fuck-are-you-talking-about / Where-the-hell-do-you-come-up-with-these-ideas glare.  
  
“I’m just saying Derek… How do you even know I was supposed to survive that crash? I mean what if you weren’t a werewolf or even an Alpha… I could have died… No I should have died that day.” Stiles rubbed his hand through his hair, pulling at the ends of his hair a little.  
  
“You think you should have died that day? Is that what you’re saying?” Derek muttered coldly, the rims of his eyes turning red. Fuck he was already angry.  
  
“Derr Bear common stop", Stiles said, placing his hand on Derek's knees, knowing it would calm him down a bit, "I’m not saying I should be dead. I’m just thinking that I don’t know… It’s not natural.”  
  
“It’s not natural? None of this is fucking natural Stiles. You’re dating a fucking werewolf if you haven’t noticed. _You're a fucking werewolf!_ And as for surviving the crash because of me… You wouldn’t have even been there if it wasn’t for me.” Derek growled angrily. And Stiles hated making him like this. He hated that he could do this to Derek.

 “It’s just something I’ve been thinking about ok Derek? You don’t need to be so upset about it… It’s just… me being Stiles. Over analyzing every shit possible ok?” Stiles stammered quickly. He needed to get this situation under control.  
  
Derek stared at Stiles like he’d been burned, and Stiles could feel his heart twist at the sight of it. So he did the only thing he could think of, he wrapped his hands around Derek and pulled him close to him. “Fuck Stiles, Don’t say shit like that…” Derek mumbled into his neck. “You need to be alive… I just need you to be alive… I can’t… I can’t lose…”  
  
 _You. I can’t lose anyone else._  
  
Stiles thought. And it’s like Derek knew because Derek just nuzzled his nose deeper against the junction of Stiles’ neck.   
  
After a few minutes of sniffing and reassuring Derek pulled away from Stiles, watching him with a meaningful look. “What.” Stiles spat out, resisting the urge to roll his eyes.  
  
“About college…It’s just a few years Stiles… It’s not that big of a deal.” Stiles pulled away the hand Derek was holding against his, rubbing soothing circles in. The face Derek made, made Stiles recoil.  
  
“It’s just a couple of years?! Derek?! It’s a couple of years of being away from the pack. It’s a couple of years being away from _you._ ” Stiles snapped. He doesn’t understand. Doesn’t Derek get how hard this will be for him? Because Stiles can’t think of how it will be like knowing he won’t be able to kiss or even hug Derek whenever he wants to. Or hear his voice or see his eyes whenever he feels the need to.

“Stiles we already talked about this and I told you I’d come visit you whenever I can and you’ll come back every holiday. I know it’s not the going away that’s the problem so what is it?” Derek was right. It wasn’t just the distance that was worrying him. He was scared. Scared Derek would find someone else while he was gone and then what? What will Stiles be left with? Nothing. That’s what.  
  
And can you blame him for feeling that way? I mean look at him. Derek is like a greek god walking the earth and all Stiles is… is some dorky guy who wears weird shirts and still didn’t grow into his limbs.  
  
“What if you find someone else?” Stiles blurted out hurriedly. Derek’s face went stone cold.  
  
“Stiles!” Derek let out a frustrated growl, pulling his hand across his forehead, “Like who?”  
  
“I don’t know! Jeremy won’t fucking leave and you-“  
  
“Jeremy has been fucking Isaac for the last three months Stiles!” Ewww _What in the name of…WHAT?_ “And he was my sisters’ fiancé! Do you even realize how freaking messed up that would be?!”  
  
“Ok so not Jeremy just… anyone…I don’t know. Derek you don’t understand what you look like ok?” He was really beginning to sound like someone with really really low self esteem.  
  
“Stiles don’t you get it? I can’t fucking think or even look at anyone else because all I care about is you!” Derek growled in frustration pushing backwards so he fell with a loud thump against the mattress. And Stiles could see how difficult this was for him… I mean after all we are talking about a guy who could practically write his PHD on emotional constipation.  
  
“Yeah but I don’t understand why!” Stiles sighed. Because he doesn’t get it. He doesn’t understand it. He already knows what Derek’s answer is going to be.  
  
“Because you’re my mate Stiles!” Of course Derek thinks that sums it all up. Like he just told Stiles all the worlds secrets and now everything was crystal clear, like all Derek had to do was wipe away the dirt from a window and now he could just stare right through it. But he doesn’t get it. He doesn’t understand that it’s so not fucking clear, that Stiles feels like someone took a fucking gun pointed it at the window and made the entire glass crack.  
  
“Yeah but what does that even mean?” Stiles pressed on. Because _he_ doesn’t understand what it means. He doesn’t get what “mate” means. Well he does ok it means forever. But its not you. It’s your wolf. But what about your human side. Doesn’t the human you get a say in this?  
  
And that’s when Stiles’ realizes it. What’s been missing. Because all along Stiles felt like everything was perfect, like everything was where it needed to be. That his happy ending had finally come but it wasn’t at all what he had wanted. The feeling he means. It didn’t make sense because Stiles liked being human, hell he loved it. Like he said he was even good at it.  
  
And that’s when everything clicked into place. Because his wolf was happy, he was with his mate. But what about his human side? He hadn’t realized it before but now he can’t believe he was so stupid to ignore it. His wolf kept hearing what it needed, but his human…He remembers what Creeper Peter had once said “ _Even someone as burned and dead on the inside as me knows better than to underestimate the simple, yet undeniable power, of human love.  “_  
  
 _Love._  
  
Don’t get him wrong it wasn’t that he didn’t love Derek. For fucks sake he could climb on the roof and scream at the top of his lungs that he’s in love with Derek Hale. Hell he was probably in love with the idiot before he even turned into a werewolf. He knows how to make the separation because he was human. But Derek… Derek was never…  
  
“I don’t understand Stiles…”  
  
 _Of course you don’t. Because you were never human. You don’t know the difference. But I do. And I need to know that you realize that you do… That you love me too._  
  
He wishes he could say those words out loud to Derek. Who’s starring at him now looking petrified and worried.  
  
“Don’t worry Der… I just…I um, I think I need to go home for a little bit. Like you said take care of all the college stuff, ask my dad where he thinks I should go… you know?”  Stiles said as he got off the bed and started pulling his shoes on.  
  
Derek starred at him, momentarily frozen and then he just nodded, “Yeah… umm… yeah I get it…” He watched as Stiles pulled on his shirt and grabbed his keys from _his_ bedside table.  
  
 _Stiles’ bedside table_. Derek brain added.  
  
“Ok well… I’ll see you later... yeah?” Stiles smiled urgently. And Derek could tell that there is so much that is wrong with this. That Stiles’ eyes are screaming at him that it’s not ok. That he should say something. Fix whatever this is.  
  
But instead he can’t find the words. Doesn’t know how to say what he feels. So he just stands up and lets Stiles press a soft gentle kiss to his forehead, and then watches as the one and most important person in his life walks out the door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHH :3
> 
> I don't know what to say... please don't kill me?
> 
> I'll try my best to finish this fic by the end of March! * crosses fingers and hopes for the best*


	15. You're my mate = I love you... in werewolf speak of course

Derek feels like someone stuck a knife laced with wolfsbane right through his chest. He could hear Stiles’ heavy breathing and the broken down sigh he made when he closed the door. Could still hear the lingering quick taps of Stiles’s fingers against the doorknob before he finally lifted his hand and let go.  
  
Right this very moment he’s listening to Stiles’s quick steps as he shuts the door of Derek’s bedroom and begins to walk across the hallway that leads down to the main staircase.  
  
And Derek can't help but feel like there’s so much more going on here rather than Stiles is letting on. This isn’t just Stiles leaving when things get complicated or because they had a fight. It’s not the same feeling…not this time.  
 Because all those other times Derek had this reassuring feeling in the pit of his stomach that said everything was going to be ok.  
  
 But this time… this time is different.  
  
This time he feels like it meant far more than he's willing to admit.  
Feels like it’s -  
No he _can't_ think like that. He's probably just over thinking it. Stiles said it’s nothing and that it's all going to be ok. He just needs to talk to his dad for a bit.  
So why doesn’t it feel like its going to be ok? Feels like it won’t be ok unless he does something… But what can he do? He doesn’t even _know_ what to do.  
  
What he does know for certain is how this will play out if he doesn’t do anything about the current situation. He knows Stiles will leave and when he does, who knows if Derek will ever find out what this all really was about.  
 He knows the moment he’ll leaves his room and walks down those stairs he's going to get the most awful judgmental looks from Erica and Jeremy. Knows Erica will give him total shit because there's no way they'll miss the look on Stiles' face.  
  
 _The look he caused.  
  
_ God he hates that look. It makes him want to crawl into a hole and beg, apologize for everything, for _anything,_ even if it wasn’t even his fault.  
  
They'll stare him down and he can already sense the conversation will go downhill and escalate impossibly quickly from there. Erica will ask him what the hell he did now. Tell him how she can’t believe he has such an amazing ability to drive the one person who cares for him most the furthest away. But she doesn’t even know… does she? None of them do.  
  
Because it’s always _him_ who ruins things, only he's capable of hurting Stiles.  
They have no fucking idea. They don’t know what Stiles does to him. How easily he could break him if he wanted to.  
  
He still doesn’t understand why Stiles doesn’t do it though. Somewhere deep inside him, he'll always expect Stiles to wake up one day and blame him for everything. To leave him.  
He guesses it's one of the things Kate's left behind her.  One of the scares she burned in the back of his mind.  He'll never let go of that thought because if it does happen one day… If Stiles does decide to leave him, at least it won't hurt as much, because he expected it to happen…. Right?  
  
 ** _He can hear Stiles's feet hit the wooden steps slowly, barely making any sound._**  
  
And Jeremy. Fucking Jeremy will never let him down for it.  Even though the little shit gave Stiles hell… He won't sit quietly and watch as Derek breaks apart.  
  
Stiles thinks Jeremy just tormented him. He has no fucking idea what he did to Derek. He practically threatened his life saying that if he fucks up this relationship he would personally slash Derek’s neck open. _Slowly. So. He. Will. Suffer._  
  
Yeah Jeremy's always was protective of him. Especially after Laura died. But in this case, he knows he’s be screwed. Because after Jeremy finally welcomed Stiles and accepted him, he might never admit it, but he fucking loves him. He acts like it's not true, but he fell for his charm just like everyone else around them did.  _Stiles the Savior_ he calls him. Always telling Derek that Stiles the Savior is what he has been waiting for his whole life. That it’s a miracle someone can actually put up with his moody demeanor and yet still manage to care for him as much as Stiles does.  
  
 ** _He catches the way Stiles makes a stop and takes in a deep breath before he continues walking down the stairs and facing two devils that wait for him downstairs in the living room._** _  
  
_He won't admit he's wrong to Erica. Even though most of the time, when it comes to relationships she's always right, especially when it comes to _relationships and Stiles_. He'll get mad at her, tell her to shut up and that she has no idea what the hell she's talking about. That she's crossing a line she's not allowed to cross because _he's the Alpha_ whatever the fuck that means… And she won't buy it, her nose will scrunch up revealing a hurt expression that will only last a second before she collects herself and tell him to go fuck off with his bullshit and that Stiles deserves so much better. She'll later regret it, she always does, but when she's angry she knows just what to say to push his buttons and hurt him as much as he hurts her.  
  
And once she storms passed him and slams the living room door he'll have to face Jeremy. He'll have this disappointed look on his face. He won't even try to hide it. His eyes will crease at the ends; his mouth will be turned into an unpleasant frown and he'll ask Derek what he'd managed to say now because the way Stiles looked after this fight, “Is just not right.”  
  
And Derek would just let out a long sigh and Jeremy would shake his head, again, in disappointment? Or defeat? Whichever… Because he'd be so tired of Derek always fucking it up… And Derek would be too annoyed to be tormented by someone else, especially if it’s after he had to deal with the shedevil, aka Erica, that’s what Stiles always calls her when he's upset with her… So he'd just leave Jeremy and walk out back to the field behind his house.  
And even though he would want to be alone, Jeremy would fallow him out there.  
  
 __ **He hears Erica lower the volume of the TV and ask irritated "What did the idiot do now?"**  
  
Jeremy would step beside him and rest one of his hands on Derek's back in a comforting way, letting him know that he's there for him when he's ready to talk.  
They'd both just stand there silently until Derek finally tells him what happened.  Derek will tell him what’s wrong, like he always does. And once he finishes, Jeremy will just smile a creepy smile that reminds him of Peter and most often, though he won't ever admit it, sends chills down his spine.   
  
He would finally lose his patience and demand that Jeremy tells him what he’s smiling about. And Jeremy would tell him with a fake pout on his face that "for such a tough Alpha" he sure is sensitive.  
  
Derek would resist the urge to claw his face open. Because even though Jeremy is a bastard, he's still his friend.  
  
He'd tell him that he doesn't understand what he did wrong. He’ll even admit that he's not as emotionally constipated as he was a few months ago.  
  
He'd tell Jeremy about more than what just happened. If he’s already sharing his feelings, he might as well roll with it… right?  
  
He'd tell him about how he's terrified of Stiles leaving soon to college. And how Stiles is scared that Derek will find someone else, but he doesn’t know that Derek is scared to death because he knows he doesn’t deserve Stiles. That there are so many people out there who are more deserving and would probably fit him perfectly, would make him so happy… He could be so happy.  
  
And Jeremy would shake his head and tell him, "but he would never feel complete because he won't have you Derek. He's the happiest when he's with you."  
  
They would fall into another silence. Where he would just go over and over the conversation he and Stiles had in his room. He would analyze everything he said and everything Stiles said, and finally he would just come apart with irritation because he just _doesn’t get it._  
  
 _ **He heard Stiles say harshly "Derek is not an idiot." And then his tone softens and he mumbles so quietly Derek actually has to really concentrate to hear him say, "He didn’t do anything… its nothing."** _  
  
"What more could he want Jeremy? I told him I was his mate! Doesn't he get that? Doesn’t he understand what it means?"  
  
"When _you_ say he's your mate… What do you mean?" Jeremy asked gently.  
  
"What do you mean what do I mean? You know what it’s like… It’s like saying everything in one word you know?"  Jeremy would just look at him and nod in understanding. Because of course he knows… he knows because of Laura. But Jeremy still won't say anything; he'd wait for Derek to answer his question.  
  
So he would sigh in defeat and explain, "It means forever… I mean that’s what we were taught when we were young right? You're mate… you're mate is everything. And you don’t need anyone else, can’t even look or think about anyone else because it’s just them. They complete you and give you strength and take care of you…"  
  
"And once you've mated, and once you've marked each other you can't live without them" Derek would admit softly.  
  
"Ok…" Jeremy would say, still not sounding completely convinced.  
  
"It's basically the equivalent of human love Jeremy! For God's sake are you really that shallow!?"  
  
Then he would look up as the realization of what he's said sinks in, and Jeremy would have this triumphant grin on his face that would just say 'yes I am freaking fabulous'.  
  
 _ **He heard Stiles fingers wrap around the door handle and begin to turn it slowly.**  
_ _  
_Fuck how could he be so _stupid_?  
  
 _Love?_  
  
Fucking _LOVE?!_  
  
It's so obvious, yet so… What the actual hell? He honestly doesn’t know what to say.  
  
Because really? OF course… how did he not realize this before?! It's Stiles!  
  
 It’s fucking -  
  
Stiles.  
  
He should have known.  He keeps telling Stiles he's his mate and Stiles doesn’t understand what it means. Because he was born _human_. He was raised _human_. And while Derek's parents told him stories when he was little about finding a mate and how he would live with his mate forever and ever… Stiles heard stories about finding his one true love and being with them forever and ever…  
  
And he knows how cheesy that sounds, but he doesn’t fucking care because he's been too stupid and too narrow minded to see what Stiles was looking for.  
  
 _ **He hears Stiles shut the door behind him**.  
_ __  
For a second he feels a tight burn in his lungs and he feels like he can’t breathe. So he takes a deep breath and gathers himself for what he’s about to do next.  
  
He fucking runs.  
  
Passed his bedroom door and down the hallway that leads to the stairs. He practically skips two thirds of them all together and just lands on the ground on all fours. He doesn’t bother looking up to see Erica's and Jeremy's faces, but he does hear the sharp intake of breath Erica makes.  
  
He runs towards the door and flings it open and steps outside only later to hear Erica say, "Go get him idiot!"  And he can't help but smile.  
  
Stiles stops abruptly in front of his car and turns around. "Derek I told you its fine… you don’t have to-" he says a little irritated but stops half way through because Derek pushes him against the door of his car and kisses him.  
  
Kisses him slowly yet firmly, pressing his tongue passed his lips and taking everything that is his. He feels Stiles’ hands lift, one rests heavily across his neck while the other tangles and pulls at his hair, begging to deepen the kiss even further.  
  
They both, after a while, pull back out of breath. Stiles opens his eyes and stares at Derek in confusion, yet still he doesn’t pull away all the way.  
  
"Come back inside." Derek stammers before he even realizes what he’s really saying.  
  
Stiles continues to look at him with an unsure look he doesn’t recognize and when he speaks his voice sounds hoarse and broken, "why would I do that Derek?"  
  
“Because Stiles you’re my mate!”  
  
“Derek I don’t know what the fuck that means and I swear to God If you say that one more-“  
Stiles raised his voice, pointing a finger in Derek’s face. Derek reaches out and pulls Stiles’ hand away from his face and instead holds it in his. “No, if you just shut up and listen for a second ill explain what I mean.”  
  
“Well…?” Stiles asks impatiently. Stiles is looking back at him with pursed lips, his face expression turning serious and Derek has to stifle back a laugh.  
  
“It means that I put up with you fucking random crap!” Stiles face expression immediately morphs into slight shock.  
  
“And I sit and watch with you old as fuck movies that were made before I was even born! And that says something…”  
  
Derek could see the way Stiles’ expression softened slightly. “And I keep those hideous green lamps that _you_ gave me! Because they were a gift from _you_ and I would never throw anything you give me away.”  
  
“And it means I listen to all your complaining, and your rants, and rambling and weird theories that you come up with, and your fucking speeches about things that don’t even make sense!” Derek sighs dramatically and rolls his eyes.  
  
 “And I put up with your addiction to curly fries, and how fucking obsessed you are with them!” He could tell Stiles was about to start and say something but he interrupts him anyways, “And I don’t say anything when you steal mine…”  
  
Derek couldn’t help keep the smile off his face when he mentioned the next one. “It means that I learn all the weird bizarre nicknames you give everyone, like Creeperson and Shedevil.”  
  
Derek couldn’t hold back any longer. He reached for Stiles’ hands and pulled him close to his chest so one of his hands was pressed gently to the small of his back, while the other cupped his cheek, “But most importantly, it means that I love you, you idiot.”

Stiles stared at Derek for a short moment, his eyes suddenly transforming into wide circles filled with shock which quickly changed into happiness as the realization of what Derek just said sank in.  
  
“Well Derr Bear…”Stiles said, the dopiest smile spread across his lips, “this just might be your lucky day… because I just…might…maybe… for some strange and unknown reason…”  
  
Stiles stopped to look at Derek. Really look at him, his face turning serious, and for a moment Derek felt like he couldn’t breathe.  
  
Stiles reached up and placed a firm kiss on Derek’s lips, and when he pulled away, not far enough, so their lips were still grazing one another, he whispered, “ I love you too Sourwolf.”  
  
And this time, when they walked together hand in hand into the house Derek didn’t let go.  
  
He wouldn’t let go for the world.

 

   
  
  


 

 

 

 

*The End*  


 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe it's done :')  
> I want to say thank you all for reading and leaving kudos and comments! It really does mean so much! warms me up inside :P  
> I know some of you began reading it from the very begging and stuck through it... So i wanted to say thank you to those of you who did.  
> I really hope you enjoyed this fic... and I hope to see you again in the next one <3
> 
> P.S Ill go back and re-edit this chapter when Ill actually sleep and won't be awake for 43 hours straight so... bare with me here ;)

**Author's Note:**

> SO this is the first Sterek fic i write... EVER ... so sorry if it sucks...  
> I just felt like Stiles needs to release all the frustration he's probably been feeling. Especially because i feel like on the show no one truly appreciated him and so this happened.  
> If it was too harsh and hurt you right in the "feels" i apologize.. but it gets better :)  
> promise.


End file.
